


Adventures in Texting

by chanhwans



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2019-04-01
Packaged: 2019-05-04 06:42:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14587218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanhwans/pseuds/chanhwans
Summary: JohnnyBGood: ten, what're you teaching my kid?ten-der love: im just teaching haechan the ins and outs of lifeJohnnyBGood: okayten-der love: ....and how to kiss kiss fall in loveJohnnyBGood: NO!!full son: wow, ten, why would you teach me that????full son: im just a pure and innocent child with no romantic feelings whatsoeverNiNaNa: good save





	1. How to: Break a Group Chat (A Mark Lee Story)

**Author's Note:**

> um,,,,, i wrote this in like a day so hopefully it doesn't suck ass also hmu if you see any errors or anything i should tag for  
> also also there will definitely be a plot to this (mainly focused around hyuckhei) and i'll probably add more pairings but this first chap is pretty much just a mess that nobody asked for but i was bored so...  
> anyways please enjoy!!
> 
>  
> 
> usernames just in case:  
> taeil = taeilasoldastime  
> johnny = JohnSuh/JohnnyBGood  
> taeyong = tyongie  
> yuta = teethboi  
> kun = notyourmother  
> doyoung = yourmother  
> ten = ten-der love  
> jaehyun = Jeffrey Jefferson III  
> winwin = wingwing  
> jungwoo = undercoverthot/smallncutejungwoo  
> lucas = sushi  
> mark = mork  
> renjun = Run Junie Run  
> jeno = JenOhNO  
> haechan = full son  
> jaemin = NiNaNa  
> chenle = lele pons/just lele  
> jisung = infant/godjisung

 

 

 

 

**1:53 PM**

 

 **JohnSuh** added **tyongie** , **taeilasoldastime** , **undercover** **thot** , **Jeffrey** **Jefferson** **III** , **teethboi** , and 12 others to the chat

 **JohnSuh** changed the group name to **ncity** **#6**

 **JohnSuh** changed their nickname to **JohnnyBGood**

 

 **JohnnyBGood** : welcome to the group chat here we go again

 **JenOhNo** : ahaha ayy

 **JenOhNo** : its ya boy

 **JenOhNo** : uh

 **yourmother** : Don't you dare finish that.

 **ten-der** **love** : new gc who dis

 **NiNaNa** : wow old meme who dis

 **ten-der love** : that meme is still relevant

 **NiNaNa** : yeah to old people

 **notyourmother** : And the arguing has already started.

 **ten-der love** : im sorry, i didn't realize you were a fucking meme snob

 **tyongie** : Ten.

 **ten-der** **love** : *fudging haha my b

 **NiNaNa** : well, now that you know

 **NiNaNa** : you can apologize for offending my meme sensibilities

 **ten-der love** : @tyongie come get ur kid b4 I smack him

 **tyongie** : i take no responsibility for what any of the dreamies say or do

 **NiNaNa** : and anyways im a babbage you can't kill me

 **JenOhNo** : dang he censored himself with a combo move

 **JenOhNo** : k.o. knock down

 **ten-der** **love** : fine.

 **ten-der** **love** : i'll remember this.

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : well that was ominous

 **taeilasoldastime** : ten is petty and powerful

 **taeilasoldastime** : you guys might regret that

 **tyongie** : ...so johnny why did you create a new group chat

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : that subject change is full of fear

 **JohnnyBGood** : i did it because mark broke the old one

 **ten-der love** : again

 **taeilasoldastime** : again?

 **NiNaNa** : again

 **infant** : again?

 **teethboi** : again

 **JenOhNo** : again?

 **wingwing** : again?

 **tyongie** : we get it already

 **JohnnyBGood** : @mork wanna explain yourself

 **mork** : um, it wasnt my fault?

 **full son:** disappointed but not surprised

 **sushi** : disappointed but not surprised

 **sushi** : hey

 **NiNaNa** : somebody post that spiderman meme

 **JenOhNo** : 

**ten-der love** : don't ever criticize my meme use again

 **JenOhNo** : hey! this is a classic

 **full** **son** : you made that....

 **full** **son** : with our names..........

 **JenOhNo** : yeah how do you feel about it?

 **full** **son** : 

**JenOhNo** : u sure?

 **NiNaNa** : u sure?

 **Run** **Junie** **Run** : you sure?

 **sushi** : i feel like i'm missing something

 **infant** : hey i have a quick question johnny

 **full** **son** : thank god

 **JohnnyBGood** : shoot

 **infant** : for why am i this? also how do i change it?

 **lele** **pons** : you think your nickname is bad

 **lele** **pons** : this is just straight up bullying

 **JenOhNo** : lol

 **taeilasoldastime** changed **lele** **pons** 's nickname to **just** **lele**

 **just** **lele** : oh, thank

 **taeilasoldastime** : welc

 **yourmother** : So back to the original topic,

 **yourmother** : Mark how did you break the group chat this time?

 **undercoverthot** : he probably accidentally sent the same audio file like 50 times like in gc #3

 **undercoverthot** : also hey!! >;(

 **undercoverthot** changed their nickname to **smallncutejungwoo**

 **mork** : i did not!!

 **full** **son** : mr electric send him to the principals office and have him expelled

 **JenOhNo** : you're in my class!! not the other way around!!!

 **yourmother** : We are not doing this again.

 **JenOhNo** : fine :(

 **full son** : fine :(((

 **mork** : listen all i did was try to change my name and i somehow removed everyone from the group

 **wingwing** : i mean that still sounds like its your fault

 **mork** : i dont even know what i did wrong tho

 **full** **son** : wow technology really is ur archnemesis

 **JohnnyBGood** : ur mcm has never successfully used a cell phone and has broken at least 5 group chats

 **JohnnyBGood** : he's 19

 **ten-der** **love** : archnemesis makes him sound like a comic book character

 **full** **son** : Canada Boy VS Techno Man

 **Run Junie Run** : lol Canada Boy

 **mork** : you guys are mean

 **mork** : im leaving

 **teethboi** : we literally have 3 previous examples on why that's a bad idea

 **teethboi** : or do you not remember chats 1, 2, and 4

 **JohnnyBGood** : yeah c'mon mark i just made this

 **mork** : fine then im muting this group

 **infant** : are y'all really just gonna leave me hanging?

 **teethboi** : ye

 **notyourmother** : Y'all, he says.

 **infant** : lets try this again

 **infant** : why is this my name and how do i change it?

 **tyongie** : because you're our baby and you can't change it

 **infant** : im 16!!!

 **infant** : i could drive if i wanted to

 **notyourmother** : Legally, you could; physically, you cannot.

 **infant** : semantics

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : ooh, big word

 **mork** : how do you know how to spell semantics but yesterday you asked me how to spell melon

 **infant** : i forgot if there was one or two l's

 **infant** : sue me

 **notyourmother** : I thought you were muting the chat?

 **full** **son** : he probably doesn't know how

 **mork** : i was but i couldnt figure out how to do it

 **full** **son** : see

 **Run** **Junie** **Run** : lol

 **mork** : hey!

 **NiNaNa** : i mean you did admit it

 **taeilasoldastime** : why does renjun only come on here to laugh at mark

 **yourmother** : A better question would be why does no one use question marks consistently in this fricking chat?

 **tyongie** : thanks

 **infant** : hey, i do

 **Run Junie Run** : me too

 **yourmother** :

 

 **yourmother** : But everyone else can get fricked

 **tyongie** : .....i mean that's pushing it

 **teethboi** : i feel insulted

 **smallncutejungwoo** : question marks ruin my minimalist aesthetic

 **sushi** : an even better question would be how come jungwoo only responds when he sees doyoung's name in his notifications?

 **smallncutejungwoo** : *gasps* how dare you accuse me of such things

 **smallncutejungwoo** : most of the time i wait a respectful two or more messages before responding so as not to arouse suspicion

 **smallncutejungwoo** : and i always say things that add to the current conversation and aren't overtly flirty

 **smallncutejungwoo** : a girl can't look too desperate

 **smallncutejungwoo** : plus i save the flirting for private chats ;)

 **ten-der love** : ........minimalist aesthetic

 **ten-der love** : also i love how doyoung is ignoring the fact that jungwoo basically admitted he has a crush on him and flirts with him in private

 **yourmother** :

**taeilasoldastime** : subject change counter: 3

 **ten-der love** : and anyways, doyoung

 **ten-der love** : im a wordsmith i dont need puctuation to get my point across

 **yourmother** : Ten, you use punctuation all the time.

 **yourmother** : You just purposely didn't punctuate that sentence.

 **ten-der love** : but you still got what i meant

 **wingwing** : actually sometimes i get confused when you don't use question marks

 **wingwing** : and other punctuation but mostly question marks

 **sushi** : so do i

 **teethboi** : wow suddenly i love question marks

 **taeilasoldastime** : i'll start using punctuation for you, sicheng

 **just lele** : anybody alse feel like punctuation isn't a real word anymore??

 **wingwing:** thank you, taeil {^_^}

 **teethboi:** i'll also use puntuation for sicheng

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : woah chenle i totally get what you mean

 **wingwing** : thanks, yuta <3

 **taeilasoldastime** : i said it first

 **teethboi** : your point is?

 **taeilasoldastime** : i love winwin more than you

 **teethboi** : but who does winwin love more, hm?

 **teethboi** : here's a hint: it's me

 **JohnnyBGood** : i'd be careful, yuta

 **JohnnyBGood** : you're gonna wake up tomorrow with your eyebrows shaved off

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : or yogurt in your shoes

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : i still have nightmares,,,, so slimy D:

 **wingwing** : i love you both the same. don't fight :(

 **ten-der love** : i don't wanna get in the middle of whatever's happening

 **ten-der love** : my eyebrows are too pretty and my shoes were expensive

 **ten-der love** : so im just gonna say i'll do it for xuxi

 **smallncutejungwoo** : same

 **sushi** : thanks guys! <3333

 **smallncutejungwoo** : you're welcome uwu

 **yourmother** : I'm just glad we can take this step toward proper grammar

 **ten-der love** : y do you care so much?

 **ten-der love** : ur grammar isn't even as proper as kun's

 **yourmother** : shut the eff up you don't even type out the word your but you put the apostrophe in kun's

 **tyongie** : dongyoung,,,,

 **ten-der love** : bc thata how i wanna live my life

 **NiNaNa** : thata

 **ten-der love** : i will kill you

 **full son** : it'sa me, chittaphon

 **ten-der love** : ur my protege so i can't kill you but i will make you suffer

 **ten-der love** : ......but also that was funny lol

 **tyongie** : protege for what? 

 **ten-der love** : never you mind

 **JohnnyBGood** : ten, what're you teaching my kid

 **tyongie** : ???

 **JohnnyBGood** : sorry, our kid

 **tyongie** : .........

 **tyongie** : no i disdns

 **tyongie** : trhhsdt o trejs

 **taeilasoldastime** : taeyong.exe has stopped working

 **tyongie** : nvm

 **ten-der love** : im just teaching haechan the ins and outs of life

 **JohnnyBGood** : okay

 **ten-der love** : ....and how to kiss kiss fall in love

 **JohnnyBGood** : NO!!

 **full son** : wow, ten, why would you teach me that????

 **full son** : im just a pure and innocent child with no romantic feelings whatsoever

 **NiNaNa** : good save

 **JohnnyBGood** : i mean i don't believe you but continue

 **full son** : sooooooo, jisung you had a question?

 **taeilasoldastime** : subject change counter: 4

  **infant** : yeah, are y'all really not gonna change my name?

 **notyourmother** : Why do you keep saying y'all?

 **yourmother** : Just do it yourself, Jisung

 **infant** : we've been over this already

 **infant** : idk how

 **Run Junie Run** changed **infant** 's nickname to **godjisung**

 **Run** **Junie** **Run** : happy?

 **godjisung** : thanks how'd you know?

 **Run Junie Run** : you use that name for everything

 **godjisung** : oh right lol

 **mork** : so now that we've solved jisung's problem

 **mork** : is anyone gonna show me how to turn off notifications or not

 **mork** : ?

 **godjisung** : not

 **JohnnyBGood** : not

 **just** **lele** : not

 **teethboi** : not

 **Run Junie Run** : not

 **ten-der love** : not

 **full** **son** : come to my room and i'll show you

 **JenOhNo** : why did that sound suggestive

 **JenOhNo** : ?

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : it kinda did

 **full** **son** : ;)

 **tyongie** : sTOP

 **JohnnyBGood** : No.

 **mork** : haechan don't be disgusting

 **full** **son** : wow

 **full son** : this is why ur nickname in the old chat was homophobeboi99

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways jisung is 1/16 texan, jaemin actually used to run memedocumentation, and chittaphon has the same # of syllables as mario  
> like the reverse of its a cold and its a broken waluigi
> 
> [tumblr](https://jmnth.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/jinkuhns) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jinkuhns)


	2. How to: Forgive Someone (A Lee Donghyuck Story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i actually wrote this like a day after i posted ch 1 but then spent a whole week rethinking taeyongs nickname until i finally just gave up and settled for what i had, also this was originally supposed to include what is now gonna be ch 3 but it got super long so i broke it up  
> as with last time, pls let me know of anything i need to change or tag for 
> 
> there are multiple chats in this chapter so here's all the members and names of each one:  
> dream is a fixed unit in my heart (nct dream chat)  
> mark: Marky Mark  
> renjun: MoominLoveBot  
> jeno: JenoFromTheBlock  
> donghyuck: ahyuck  
> jaemin: jaem  
> chenle: musicstarchenle  
> jisung: godjisung 
> 
> CHAIN (boo boo bee boo) REACTION (nct 127 chat)  
> taeil: halfmoon  
> johnny: johnson/john-claude van damme  
> taeyong: panickedtae  
> yuta: yutasenpai  
> doyoung: gongmyung's brother  
> jaehyun: american boi  
> winwin: perfect angel  
> mark: *red flavor sfx*  
> donghyuck: fullsun 
> 
> ncity #6 (nct 2018 chat, same as last time but in case you don't remember)  
> taeil = taeilasoldastime  
> johnny = JohnnyBGood  
> taeyong = tyongie  
> yuta = teethboi  
> kun = notyourmother  
> doyoung = yourmother  
> ten = ten-der love  
> jaehyun = Jeffrey Jefferson III  
> winwin = wingwing  
> jungwoo = smallncutejungwoo  
> lucas = sushi  
> mark = mork  
> renjun = Run Junie Run  
> jeno = JenOhNO  
> haechan = full son  
> jaemin = NiNaNa  
> chenle = just lele  
> jisung = godjisung 
> 
> Millenium Babies (00 line chat)  
> renjun: Injoonie  
> jeno: Jenofer Lopez  
> donghyuck: Haytch  
> jaemin: Jae Walker

 

 

 

 

**9:03 AM**

 

**dream is a fixed unit in my heart**

 

 **MoominLoveBot** : @jaem come to the kitchen real quick

 **ahyuck** : BOT

 **godjisung** : BOT

 **musicstarchenle** : BOT

 **jaem** : BOT

 **jaem** : also im at the 127 dorms with mark and jeno

 **MoominLoveBot** : oh nvm i thought i heard you in ur room

 **jaem** : what did you need?

 **MoominLoveBot** : um i can't find the stepstool and i wanted you to get the cereal for me

 **jaem** : omw

 **MoominLoveBot** : idk why someone keeps putting it on the top shelf

 **MoominLoveBot** : wait!! you don't have to come if you're not here

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : too late

 **Marky** **Mark** : he just sprinted out of the room

 **godjisung** : renjun why would you ask stumpy old jaemin when you have me

 **godjisung** : The Tallest Boy In The World

 **godjisung** : right here in the living room

 **ahyuck** : 1) you put them up there in the 1st place so why would he give you the satisfaction?

 **MoominLoveBot** : a very strong opening point

 **ahyuck** : 2) ur not even the tallest boy in our group

 **godjisung** : i'm sorry, can you speak up?

 **godjisung** : i can't hear you from down there

 **MoominLoveBot** : ooh, ad hominem

 **MoominLoveBot** : bad rebuttal, op

 **ahyuck** : you want me to speak up??

 **Marky Mark** : dont

 **musicstarchenle** : lmao haechan just screamed in jisung's face

 **ahyuck** : can you hear me now, you little shit?

 **MoominLoveBot** : lol

 **Marky Mark** : donghyuck dont scare him, hes a baby

 **Marky Mark** : also dont swear at him

 **musicstarchenle** : alright, taeyong

 **ahyuck** : he started it

 **musicstarchenle** : i think he's in shock

 **godjisung** : i-

 **musicstarchenle** : jisung machine broke

 **godjisung** : i don't know why i didn't expect that

 **MoominLoveBot** : *cough* apologize *cough cough*

 **musicstarchenle** : are you in 3rd grade?

 **MoominLoveBot** : *cough* shut up *cough cough*

 **godjisung** : sorry for calling you sh*rt, haechan

 **ahyuck** : you are forgiven, my child

 **ahyuck** : but don't do it again

 **Marky Mark** : not that this isnt interesting but like is jaemin there yet or....?

 **ahyuck** : oh lmao yeah he naruto ran straight through the living room and into the kitchen

 **musicstarchenle** : he didn't even close the front door

 **godjisung** : i can hear his breathing from here

 **godjisung** : he sounds like he's gonna pass out

 **ahyuck** : do you need him back or something

 **Marky Mark** : no..

 **Marky Mark** : just wondering

 **ahyuck** : ...okay

 **Marky Mark** : so are you guys all in the same room?

 **ahyuck** : me, jisung, and chenle are in the living room watching tv why

 **Marky Mark** : and ur all just sitting there texting instead of talking??

 **godjisung** : we're providing live commentary for you and jeno

 **godjisung** : some gratitude would be nice

 **ahyuck** : also chenle shushed me when i tried to talk earlier

 **musicstarchenle** : sorry if i'm actually watching tv

 **ahyuck** :

**ahyuck** : but ur also texting???

 **musicstarchenle** : please, i could text in my sleep

 **musicstarchenle** : do you really think i've taken my eyes off the screen at all this entire time?

 **Marky Mark** : whatre you guys watching?

 **godjisung** : chenle is watching click your heart for the 40 billionth time

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : you're watching it without me :((((

 **Marky Mark** : lol jeno hung up the phone just to respond

 **MoominLoveBot** : why was jeno on the phone?

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : no reason

 **MoominLoveBot** : ...okay

 **musicstarchenle** : i asked you if you wanted to watch tv with me this morning but you and jaemin said you had to go talk to mark

 **musicstarchenle** : you were acting suspicious and i didn't like it

 **Marky Mark** : its just a thing we'll tell you about it later

 **musicstarchenle** : fine.

 **musicstarchenle** : whenever you're done, you can come over and i might start it from the beginning

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : yay!

 **musicstarchenle** : i said might

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : yay but less hopeful

 **MoominLoveBot** : okay, i have my cereal, jaemin's on his way back and its time to fuckin party

 **ahyuck** : wow i can't believe jaemin wasn't here when renjun made a vine reference

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : i know he would be so proud

 **musicstarchenle** : wow i can't believe jaemin ran over here just to get cereal for renjun

 **ahyuck** : i canjbshu

 **Marky Mark** : what?

 **godjisung** : lol haechan quit trying to be slick i saw you

 **Marky Mark** : whatd he do?

 **ahyuck** : nothing :)

 **godjisung** : he was trying to text while drinking and spilled his drink down his shirt

 **MoominLoveBot** : can confirm, i saw it too

 **ahyuck** : um, i think you saw wrong sweaty :)

 **musicstarchenle** : we all saw it

 **musicstarchenle** : don't deny it bc ur embarrassed

 **ahyuck** : i've never done anything embarrassing in my life sweaty :)

 **MoominLoveBot** : what about that time you fell down the stairs?

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : or that time you set a towel on fire while cooking?

 **Marky Mark** : or when you ran into that door and got a nosebleed?

 **godjisung** : or literally right now when you definitely spilled your drink on yourself?

 **ahyuck** : damn, okay

 **jaem** : or every day when you talk nonstop about your ***** ** ******?

 **ahyuck** : NA JAEMIN!!

 **ahyuck** : DON'T YOU DARE.

 **MoominLoveBot** : lmao what a grand return to the chat

 **MoominLoveBot** : are you even back to the 127 dorms yet?

 **jaem** : no but i had to stop just to cause drama lol

 **jaem** : also i saw ur vine reference :') i'm super proud

 **ahyuck** : i will hunt you down right now dont think i wont

 **musicstarchenle** : ooh, if he's angry this rlly must be smth

 **musicstarchenle** : mr sajak, i'd like to buy a vowel

 **ahyuck** : this isnot a gam e show thsi is my life

 **jaem** : that'll cost you the price of deleting one of my blackmail pictures from your phone

 **ahyuck** : i will kill you dead

 **godjisung** : pls do it chenle, you know i live for the drama

 **ahyuck** : cool, so mark is my only friend now

 **Marky Mark** : if chenle wont do it

 **Marky Mark** : i dont have any blackmail pictures but im willing to pay 5 bucks

 **ahyuck** : cool, so i have no friends

 **jaem** : jisung sent me a video of chenle deleting the photos

 **jaem** : he even deleted it from his recently deleted folder :')

 **musicstarchenle** : i'll take an e, pat

 **jaem** : there is indeed an e

 **jaem** : ***** ** ****e*

 **Marky Mark** : ive got five bucks for an i

 **ahyuck** : you know what fuck you

 **jaem** : looks like there is one i

 **ahyuck** : excerpt from jaemin's diary: March 17, 2018

 **jaem** : wait!!

 **jaem** : sorry folks that's all for today

 **jaem** : play again never

 **MoominLoveBot** : hold up i'm not in on the diary thing

 **musicstarchenle** : but you're in on hyuck's thing, hm???

 **MoominLoveBot** : wow would you look at the time, i have to go wash my hair

 **musicstarchenle** : i will get to the bottom of this

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : you guys do know consonants are free, right??

 

 

 

**11:56 AM**

 

**CHAIN (boo boo bee boo) REACTION**

 

 **gongmyung's** **brother** : hey, quick question everyone

 **fullsun** : i didn't do it

 **gongmyung's**   **brother** : okay, so we'll come back to that later bc you definitely did something

 **gongmyung's**   **brother** : but currently, i would like to know who moved the fridge and left it in the middle of the kitchen

 **yutasenpai** : um, the only person in this dorm strong enough to move it

 **american** **boi** : it wasn't me

 **yutasenpai** : thanks shaggy but no one thought it was you

 **american** **boi** : are you implying that you think i can't move the fridge?

 **yutasenpai** : ye

 **gongmyung's**   **brother** : ....johnny, can you come put the fridge back?

 **halfmoon** : why did you move it in the first place?

 **johnson** : a roach ran behind it so i moved it

 **johnson** : but then the roach ran out of the kitchen, i chased after it, and i forgot to put the fridge back

 **gongmyung's**   **brother** : did you at least kill it?

 **johnson** : no, i caught it and let it go outside

 **gongmyung's**   **brother** : why???

 **johnson** : it was jus chillin

 **johnson** : it wasn't gonna hurt anybody

 **fullsun** : did you take a picture of this roach?

 **johnson** : no. leave jisung alone

 **fullsun** : fine

 **panickedtae** : johnny can you please change your nickname?

 **johnson** changed their nickname to **john-claude van damme**

 **john-claude van damme** : anything for you dear

 **panickedtae** : fsakdks stop

 **fullsun** : can i change my nickname?

 ***red flavor sfx*** : why? i like fullsun

 **perfect angel** : me too

 **halfmoon** : and we have couple names

 **fullsun** : but it's basically the same as my name in the main gc

 **halfmoon** : :(

 **john-claude van damme** : you hurt taeil's feelings

 **john-claude van damme** : look at him, he's got sadness

 **fullsun** : i guess i'll keep it

 **halfmoon** : :)

 **fullsun** : for now

 **halfmoon** : :|

 **american boi** : guys, i really can move the fridge

 **john-claude van damme** : oh really??

 **american boi** : yes really

 **american boi** : ur not the only one who lifts, bro

 **john-claude van damme** : then prove it

 **american boi** : i will

 **john-claude van damme** : anyways..........

 **john-claude van damme** : haechan, lets talk about your feelings

 **fullsun** : what? why me?

 **john-claude van damme** : you looked upset when you came back from the dream dorms

 **fullsun** : oh, it's not serious

 **fullsun** : jaemin just dropped my favorite cup on the ground and it broke

 **john-claude van damme** : you sure that's it?

 **fullsun** : yeah lol

 **gongmyung's**   **brother** : so it took him like ten minutes but jaehyun actually put the fridge back

 **american boi** : see, i told you i could do it

 **perfect angel** : lol

 **american boi:** oh wait

 ***red flavor sfx*** : you rlly didnt think that through

 **yutasenpai** :

 

 

 

**12:18 PM**

 

 **mark** , **donghyuck**

 

 **mark** : why did you lie about why you were mad?

 **donghyuck** : bc its my secret and i don't want more people to know about it and bug me

 **mark** : i understand

 **donghyuck** : thank you for not saying anything

 **mark** : of course, im your best friend

 **mark** : but what i don't understand is why didn't you tell me your secret?

 **mark** : but jaemin and renjun know

 **mark** : i thought we told each other everything, hyuck?

 **donghyuck** : we do! ...except for this

 **donghyuck** : and i didn't want anyone to know, but jaemin jeno n renjun found out by accident

 **mark** : jeno knows too?

 **donghyuck** : yes omg im sorry

 **mark** : its fine

 **mark** : as long as its nothing bad, im not gonna force you to tell me

 **mark** : if you really dont wanna, i'll respect ur privacy

 **donghyuck** : i promise it's not bad just kind of embarrassing

 **mark** : ok, well just know im here if you ever wanna talk

 **mark** : also sorry for participating in everything earlier

 **donghyuck** : i forgive you, i would've probably also been nosy if it was someone else

 **donghyuck** : and thank you, i'll take you up on that someday <3333

 **mark** : .....

 **donghyuck** : hey

 **mark** : fine <3

 

 

 

**4:44 PM**

 

**ncity #6**

  
**tyongie** : as you all may know, tonight is Family Dinner Night

 **tyongie** : so who wants to cook dinner?

 

 

**4:59 PM**

**tyongie** : no volunteers?

 **tyongie** : if no one volunteers someone will get voluntold

 **sushi** : i'll do it if no one else wants to

 **just lele** : so we're having ramen for dinner?

 **sushi** : hey! i can make other things

 **godjisung** : can you?

 **sushi** : ........

 **tyongie** : okay! so someone else can help xuxi cook dinner

 **tyongie** : to make it fairer, i'll pick a number from 1 to haechan its your turn

 **full son** : what kind of system is this?? it doesn't seem very fair

 **godjisung** : lol

 **just lele** : so now we're having on fire ramen for dinner

 **Run Junie Run** : please chenle its called flambè

 **full son** : i'll have u know i've only set one thing on fire

 **just lele** : and has anyone else set something on fire while cooking??

 **just lele** : no one??

 **just lele** : looks like it's just you

 **sushi** : actually i caught leftover taco bell on fire once

 **notyourmother** : He microwaved it with the wrapper still on.

 **sushi** : how was i supposed to know paper is flammable???

 **tyongie** : im starting to rethink this

 **NiNaNa** : no!!

 **tyongie** : ???

 **NiNaNa** : i mean, it'll probably be fine

 **Run Junie Run** : plus heachan's probably really excited

 **full son** : i hate you

 **JenOhNo** : excited to cook

 **JenOhNo** : he loves cooking ;D

 **full son** : i hate you slightly less

 **JenOhNo** : i'll take it

 **yourmother** : Sometimes I worry about you guys

 **JohnnyBGood** : don't we all

 

 

 

**5:13 PM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 **Jae Walker** : yo, do you guys think ty knows abt hyuck's crush?

 **Jae Walker** : the way he just suddenly suggested they cook together??

 **Haytch** : i didn't before but thank you so much for putting that thought in my head

 **Jae Walker** : ur welcome

 **Injoonie** : how would he know? it's not like we mention it every two seconds

 **Injoonie** : oh wait

 **Haytch** : this is all your fault

 **Haytch** : i'm supposed to be a bad bitch with no feelings

 **Haytch** : i have to leave this plane of existence

 **Haytch** : mr stark i don't feel so good

 **Injoonie** : calm down we don't know for sure that he knows

 **Jae Walker** : actually, why would he leave you two alone together if he knew

 **Haytch** : oh god, I have to be alone with him

 **Haytch** : now i really don't feel so good

 **Jenofer Lopez** : i just asked ty and he doesn't know

 **Haytch** : WHAT THE FUCK WHY

 **Jenofer Lopez** : i kept it vague dw

 **Jenofer Lopez** : [2 images attached]

 

 

> **jeno** : how much do you know?

> **taeyong** : oh, i know everything

> **jeno** : so then.....

> **jeno** : ur not angry?

> **taeyong** : of course im angry, why do you think im making haechan cook dinner?

> **jeno** : i am confusion as to how that makes sense

> **taeyong** : here, let me explain: you, haechan, and jaemin broke my chair and also made me fall on my butt

> **taeyong** : i could've bruised my tailbone by the way

> **taeyong** : so haechan has to cook dinner for all 18 of us as his punishment

> **taeyong** : xuxi just got caught in the crossfire

> **taeyong** : but he also won't clean his room so i'm not that mad about it

> **jeno** : oh lol

> **taeyong** : don't "lol" me

> **taeyong** : you and jaemin are cooking next week

> **taeyong** : you're just lucky i didn't actually bruise anything or it would be much much worse for you

> **jeno** : sorry

> **taeyong** : after you serve your time, we can talk about forgiveness

 

 **Jenofer Lopez** : ty is kinda scary when he's mad

 **Injoonie** : what did you guys even do?

 **NiNaNa** : we took the screws out of the desk chair in his room

 **Haytch** : i feel like that was a pretty tame prank for having to cook dinner for 18 people who never stop eating

 **Jae Walker** : word at the rumor mill says he fell while johnny was in the room so...

 **Haytch** : wow, i embarassed him in front of his cr*sh

 **Haytch** : and as punishment he's making me embarrass myself in front of my cr*sh

 **Injoonie** : you probably won't embarrass yourself

 **Haytch** : thanks for the vote of confidence

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : so anyways, whats the game plan?

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : if you need me to hover, i can hover

 **Injoonie** : you can't, hyuck has to face his fears sooner or later

 **Haytch** : and what if i pick later??

 **Injoonie** : i think now would be easier

 **Injoonie** : you're confident in your cooking skills, teach xuxi a couple things

 **Jae Walker** : yeah, give him some tips

 **Jae Walker** : plus xuxi talks nonstop anyways so it probably won't matter if you don't say a lot

 **Haytch** : i hate when you guys are encouraging

 **Haytch** : its weird

 **Injoonie** : but you know we're right

 **Haytch** : yeah i guess

 

 

 

**5:35 PM**

 

 **jaemin** , **donghyuck**

 

 **jaemin** : before you go fulfill your destiny, i have something i wanna say

 **jaemin** : i know you probably don't want to talk about this but i do

 **donghyuck** : if this is about what i think it is then ur right and i've already moved on

 **jaemin** : don't

 **jaemin** : you shouldn't just move on, i need to apologize for what i did

 **donghyuck** : u know i hate talking about feelings

 **jaemin** : yes and i'm ignoring that bc this is important

 **jaemin** : and before you respond!! just let me get through this

 **jaemin** : i shouldn't have acted like i was gonna expose your secret

 **jaemin** : it's something that's private that you didn't even want me to know in the first place and i was throwing it around like nothing

 **jaemin** : in the moment i thought it would be funny bc we vague joke about it all the time in the main chat

 **jaemin** : and sometimes i get caught up in trying to create drama

 **jaemin** : but i realized later that it wasn't a joke to you and i was just being an asshole

 **jaemin** : you're one of my closest friends and i shouldn't take advantage of your trust for a laugh

 **jaemin** : i went too far and i'm sorry

 **donghyuck** : i forgive you

 **donghyuck** : and i'm not just rushing this bc i don't like talking about feelings

 **donghyuck** : i do forgive you

 **donghyuck** : bc i know you probably didn't think it through and also probably really regret it

 **jaemin** : so so much

 **donghyuck** : so i'm not gonna fixate on it when i know you're sorry

 **donghyuck** : but maybe lay off of the jokes for a while

 **jaemin** : done

 **donghyuck** : also i'm sorry for retaliating

 **jaemin** : you acted in self defense, no court would convict you

 **jaemin** : and ik you won't like it but i will find a way to make this up to you

 **donghyuck** : if you must

 **donghyuck** : love you, jaem

 **jaemin** : love you too, hyuck

 **jaemin** : now go fulfill your destiny~

 **donghyuck** : ur so fuckin dramatic

 **donghyuck** : and i know i just said i love you but i kind of hate you rn

 **jaemin** : what? why???

 **donghyuck** : i was rubbing my eyes trying to stop my tears and now they're puffy

 **jaemin** : lol put a cold compress on them, pull yourself together, and get out there!!

 **donghyuck** : will do, coach <333

 **jaemin** : <333

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so like just pretend that they have wheel of fortune in korea and that its also hosted by pat sajak  
> also if anyone caught my ah reference hmu and lets be friends
> 
> [tumblr](https://jmnth.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/jinkuhns) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jinkuhns)


	3. How to: Almost Spill the Beans (A Na Jaemin Story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this has all the makings of a filler chapter but somehow its,,, not  
> oof and i almost forgot hbd to lil sunshine hyuck congratz on making it another year on this bitch of an earth  
> again, pls tell me if you see something i need to edit or w/e, i read through this so many times it all just blurs together
> 
> new usernames and/or chats:  
> bday planning committee (i only list the ppl who actually have lines)  
> taeyong: cooking team 1  
> kun: cooking team 2  
> dongyoung: cooking team 3  
> yuta: cooking team 4  
> johnny: decorations team 1  
> mark: cake team 1  
> jeno: cake team 2  
> jaemin: cake team 3  
> ten: distraction team 1  
> renjun: distraction team 2  
> jungwoo: distraction team 3  
> chenle: stay out of the way team 1  
> jisung: stay out of the way team 3
> 
> all of the other usernames and chats are the same as the last 2 chapters

 

 

 

 

**5:48 PM**

 

**ncity #6**

 

 **full son** : so like what do you guys want for dinner?

 **just lele** : spaghetti!

 **full son** : ok so we are no longer taking suggestions from chenle

 **just lele** : >:(

 **mork** : spaghetti is just the italian version of ramen

 **JenOhNo** :

**full son** : anyone else have a suggestion?

 **godjisung** : seollangtang

 **smallncutejungwoo** : samgaetang

 **full son** : ....dinner is in like 2 hours

 **full son** : and we need to already have the ingredients

 **tyongie** : dongyoung and i just went shopping yesterday and bought a bunch of stuff

 **yourmother** : Yeah, look in the fridge and see what we have.

 **full son** : okay well we don't have a whole chicken or an ox bone so...

 **smallncutejungwoo** : :(

 **full son** : also why did you buy so much food? it'll go bad before we eat it all

 **tyongie** : ....no?

 **full son** : ok, ur right my mistake

 **JohnnyBGood** : i have an idea

 **full son** : if you say hot dogs i'm cooking for 17

 **JohnnyBGood** : dang, it be your own kids

 **wingwing** : what about that spicy beef soup?

 **full son** : you mean yukgaejang?

 **wingwing** : yeah, that

 **full son** : let me check

 **taeilasoldastime** : is it really spicy?

 **full son** : so we don't have gosari but i can make it without if everyone else is fine with that

 **full son** : and it's not super spicy but i can put in less red pepper powder

 **JohnnyBGood** : sounds good

 **taeilasoldastime** : i'm ok with it

 **yourmother** : me too

 **godjisung** : me too

 **NiNaNa** : me too

 **teethboi** : me too

 **just lele** : me too

 **JenOhNo** : me too (renjun is also fine w it but his phone is charging)

 **NiNaNa** : you can use ur phone while it's charging

 **NiNaNa** : that's just a myth created by phone manufacturers to keep you from livin ur best life

 **yourmother** : You can't just say something is a myth because you don't like it.

 **NiNaNa** : ur face is a myth

 **yourmother** : Jaemin, please.

 **mork** : i'm fine with yukgaejang

 **tyongie** : so am i

 **full son** : so who are we missing?

 **tyongie** : kun, ten, and jaehyun

 **tyongie** : oh and xuxi

 **JohnnyBGood** : jaehyun is in the shower

 **JohnnyBGood** : but i yelled at him through the door and he says he's fine with it

 **smallncutejungwoo** : when i left the u dorms earlier, kun was watching a movie but i don't think ten was there

 **full son** : xuxi is in the kitchen with me,,, reading everything over my shoulder

 **JenOhNo** : oh?

 **full son** : no

 **JenOhNo** : i didn't say anything

 **full son** : you were gonna

 **JenOhNo** : ...mayhaps

 **full son** : keep it to yourself

 **JenOhNo** : k

 **NiNaNa** : so we're doing majority rules right?

 **NiNaNa** : bc at this point it would be 3 vs 15

 **smallncutejungwoo** : :(

 **full son** : sorry jungwoo

 **yourmother** : We can have samgaetang another time.

 **tyongie** : jeno and jaemin can make it for family dinner night next week

 **JenOhNo** : sure

 **NiNaNa** : ...yeah

 **yourmother** : Are you guys seeing this?

 **JohnnyBGood** : did jeno and jaemin just.... agree to cook dinner?

 **notyourmother** : You'll jinx it if you talk about it too much.

 **JohnnyBGood** : so now you wanna show up?

 **notyourmother** : Sorry, my phone was on silent.

 **notyourmother** : Reading up now.

 **tyongie** : is ten there?

 **notyourmother** : I don't think so. Why?

 **tyongie** : so then where could he be?

 **ten-der love** : i am here!

 **ten-der love** : i was rearranging my closet and i lost my phone in a pile of clothes

 **smallncutejungwoo** : oh, i guess i didn't see you

 **ten-der love** : i might have been in the bathroom at the time you left

 **ten-der love** : and i'm too lazy to read up so what'd i miss?

 **JohnnyBGood** : haechan and xuxi are making yukgaejang for dinner, everyone is fine with it except jungwoo, and jeno and jaemin agreed to cook next week of their own free will

 **mork** : and thats what you missed on glee

 **ten-der love** : thanks

 **NiNaNa** : i wouldn't say "free will"

 **tyongie** : then what would you say, jaemin?

 **NiNaNa** : nvm free will is good

 

 

 

**6:13 PM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 **Jenofer Lopez** : is the cat still in the cradle?

 **Haytch** : what?

 **Jae Walker** : what?

 **Jenofer Lopez** : it's a code so other ppl don't know what i'm talking about

 **Haytch** : but i don't know what you're talking about

 **Jae Walker** : yeah jeno a code only works if we know what the code is

 **Jenofer Lopez** : is xuxi still reading over your shoulder?

 **Haytch** : oh, no he's looking for the soup pot

 **Jenofer Lopez** : btw renjun says he would've got my code

 **Haytch** : well renjun's smart and ~biased~

 **Jenofer Lopez** : he says he'll hit you

 **Haytch** : tell him i will not hit him back bc i'm a pacifist

 **Haytch** : but i will shout some super hurtful things at him

 **Jenofer Lopez** : he says you won't

 **Haytch** : that's true :/

 **Jae Walker** : wait, so if you already started cooking,,, then you had to talk to him right?

 **Haytch** : yes omg i said hi i'm haechan and uh welcome to my show

 **Jae Walker** : but really

 **Haytch** : afjdakdas fine i told him i know the recipe so i would just give him instructions as we go and to ask if he had any questions

 **Jenofer Lopez** : smart, give yourself the high ground

 **Haytch** : then i told him first order of business: fill the soup pot up halfway with water

 **Jae Walker** : did you actually say 'first order of business' bc :/

 **Haytch** : yes >:( don't be mean

 **Haytch** : it sounded cute in my head

 **Jae Walker** : oof

 **Jenofer Lopez** : i think it's cute

 **Haytch** : thank you jeno, my only true friend <333

 **Jenofer Lopez** : ur welcome <333

 **Jenofer Lopez** : now what were you saying?

 **Haytch** : oh right!

 **Haytch** : so then he goes aye aye captain and salutes me

 **Haytch** : and i?? giggled.

 **Jae Walker** : u rlly tryin hard to be cute huh?

 **Haytch** : stop bullying me i was nervous :'(

 **Haytch** : also i'm cute as heck, i don't have to try

 **Jae Walker** : i'm jk ur the cutest person i know besides chenle and you-know-who

 **Jenofer Lopez** : voldemort??

 **Jae Walker** : yeah

 **Haytch** : but am i higher or lower than the dark lord?

 **Jae Walker** : always lower

 **Haytch** : damn, can't compete with that bald head

 **Jenofer Lopez** : i'm a little concerned

 **Haytch** : nah it's all good fam

 **Haytch** : n e ways brb g2g chop vegetables c u l8er

 **Jae Walker** : ew stop

 **Jenofer Lopez** : jaemin i never thought i would say this but

 **Jenofer Lopez** : are you attracted to voldemort???

 

 

 

**6:34 PM**

 

 **Haytch** : okay, so...

 **Jae Walker** : he already proposed marriage??

 **Jenofer Lopez** : hey, are you not gonna answer my question?

 **Haytch** : what? no!

 **Jae Walker** : then ur not flirting correctly

 **Haytch** : i'm not currently trying to flirt with him!!

 **Jae Walker** : y not?

 **Jenofer Lopez** : hello???????

 **Haytch** : we don't even rlly know each other that well

 **Haytch** : it would be super weird if i just started being all "hey, come here often?" to him

 **Jae Walker** : first of all don't ever use that line

 **Jae Walker** : second of all.... good point lol

 **Jenofer Lopez** : 

**Jenofer Lopez** : i give up

 **Haytch** : so what i started to say earlier was that i asked him if he knew how to trim fat and he said

 **Haytch** : i exercise everyday

 **Jae Walker** : lol

 **Haytch** : so then i said ..............the brisket and he went oh! ....no

 **Jae Walker** : so you offered to teach him and stood behind him at the cutting board, wrapping your arms around him and guiding him with your hands on top of his hands???

 **Haytch** : what, are you writing fanfic??

 **Haytch** : no i didn't do that!

 **Jenofer Lopez** : could you imagine hyuck trying to see around xuxi tho lol

 **Haytch** : shut the fuck up

 **Haytch** : but i did actually teach him how to do it

 **Haytch** : he just stood next to me and watched

 **Jenofer Lopez** : on a more serious note: are you doing okay?

 **Jenofer Lopez** : ur not too nervous are you?

 **Jenofer Lopez** : bc i don't care if renjun says you need to face your fears i'll be there if you need me to

 **Haytch** : thanks <3333 but i'm doing fine for now

 **Haytch** : my hands were a little shaky while i was cutting the meat but he didn't say anything so i'm just gonna dwell on it for the rest of my life but never bring it up again

 **Jae Walker** : i mean that's what i'd do

 **Haytch** : now let me get back to cooking and i'll tell you everything later <3

 **Jae Walker** : <3

 **Jenofer Lopez** : <3

 **Haytch** : renjun :(

 **Jenofer Lopez** : <3 -R

 

 

 

**7:45 PM**

 

**ncity #6**

 

 **smallncutejungwoo** : so like,,, i know i was against it earlier but,

 **smallncutejungwoo** : is dinner ready yet?

 **sushi** : haechan says 5 min

 **smallncutejungwoo** : but that's so long :(

 **tyongie** : if you're so impatient why don't you go set the table?

 **tyongie** : keep yourself busy :)

 **smallncutejungwoo** : as much as i don't appreciate the passive aggressive smiley, i guess i'll do it

 **yourmother** : I can help.

 **smallncutejungwoo** : ;)

 **yourmother** : Never mind

 **smallncutejungwoo** : no!! i was just kidding

 **ten-der love** : jungwoo, you can't go full on winky face you'll scare him off

 **smallncutejungwoo** : right, what should i do?

 **ten-der love** : say something simple that doesn't come on too strong

 **ten-der love** : tell him you would love to have his help

 **smallncutejungwoo** : doyoung, i would love to have your help

 **yourmother** : ???

 **smallncutejungwoo** : oh no, i confused him

 **smallncutejungwoo** : ten, what do i do now?

 **yourmother** : You guys know you're in the group chat, right?

 **yourmother** : I can read everything you're texting.

 **ten-der love** : maybe we wanted you to read it

 **ten-der love** : ever think of that?

 **yourmother** : What??

 **yourmother** : you? but..why???

 **taeilasoldastime** : now you've thrown him off his rhythm

 **tyongie** : ten, jungwoo, stop flustering dongyoung

 **full son** : so anyways while you guys were doing...... that

 **full son** :  xuxi and i already set the table

 **sushi** : dinner is ready!!

 **sushi** : man i wish i had a triangle i could ring like a mother in an old farmhouse telling her kids to come in from the fields for supper

 **teethboi** : that's........ a very specific way to feel

 **sushi** : thanks

 **teethboi** : how did you take that as a compliment?

 **sushi** : it wasn't?

 **tyongie** : ok! anyone not at the table in five minutes we're eating without you

 **godjisung** : 

**just lele** :

**tyongie** : and no phones at the dinner table

 **NiNaNa** : i h ate this freakign famil y

 

 

 

**8:37 PM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 **Jae Walker** : so......

 **Jae Walker** : dinner was delicious but now it's time for my true sustenance

 **Injoonie** : @Haytch where's our play by play? 

 **Haytch** : ok, google: how to word this without sounding cringe

 **Haytch** : while we were making dinner,,,,,, xuxi and i,,,,,, basically held hands and indirectly kissed,,,, twice

 **Jae Walker** : google failed you that was so cringe

 **Jenofer Lopez** : you don't even have an android??

 **Haytch** : i downloaded google assistant jeno keep up

 **Injoonie** : ok so can you elaborate on that? what exactly happened? 

 **Haytch** : picture: me standing at the stove, my left hip cocked and my right leg bent slightly at the knee. i'm stirring the yukgaejang when i sense a presence behind me,,, it's xuxi

 **Jae** **Walker** : now who's writing fanfic?

 **Injoonie** : oh my god nvm footnotes version please

 **Haytch** :

**Haytch** : and then he ate from the literal exact same part of the spoon as me in an incident now famously known as indirect kiss #1

 **Jae Walker** : damn

 **Jae Walker** : you really google searched gru meme generator, typed all that up, formatted the text and sent it to us

 **Haytch** : sshhhhhh

 **Jenofer Lopez** : ok but what about indirect kiss #2???

 **Haytch** : so there i was, pulling apart the cooked brisket to make sure it was tender enough...

 **Injoonie** : s top

 **Haytch** : i'm dramatic by nature, it can't be helped sometimes

 **Injoonie** : well, help it this time

 **Haytch** : fine

 **Haytch** : i told him to try the meat to see if it tasted okay so he bit part of a piece, said it was good, then shoved the rest into my mouth

 **Jae Walker** : and are you ok??

 **Haytch** : still currently in stage 1 hypertension

 **Injoonie** : hm...

 **Injoonie** : so did you guys talk?

 **Injoonie** : were you able to hold a conversation?

 **Haytch** : most of the talking we did was when i was giving him instructions

 **Haytch** : but other than that, he was pretty quiet

 **Injoonie** : hmm...

 **Haytch** : also, boy does not know about personal space

 **Haytch** : he kept standing super close to me and it was making me sweat

 **Injoonie** : hmmmm...

 **Haytch** : stop hm-ing it's giving me axiety

 **Injoonie** : sorry, i was just thinking...

 **Haytch** : renjun, ellipses are very ominous s t o p

 **Injoonie** : sorry again

 **Injoonie** : i'm done now

 **Injoonie** : also i just wanna say i'm proud of you for facing your fears!!

 **Jenofer Lopez** : pretty soon you'll be able to engage in small talk

 **Jae Walker** : maybe even by your birthday

 **Injoonie** : jaemin

 **Haytch** : why specifically by my birthday?

 **Haytch** : are you planning something?

 **Haytch** : is it a party?

 **Haytch** : am i getting a surprise party?

 **Haytch** : wait!! is that why ppl are being suspicious?

 

 

 

**9:06 PM**

 

**bday planning committee**

 

 **cake team 3** : aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh

 **cooking team 1** : i'm sorry?

 **distraction team 2** : what jaemin means is haechan might be onto us

 **cake team 2** : and it might be his fault

 **cooking team 3** : What did you do??

 **cake team 3** : i just brought up the fact that his birthday is coming up

 **cake team 3** : and he started blasting me with all these questions

 **cake team 2** : he said some of us were suspicious so we must be planning something

 **cake team 1** : the first rule of surprise party planning is dont acknowledge that its their birthday

 **cake team 3** : well maybe if some people weren't obvious about it

 **cake team 3** : mr 'jeno was just on the phone with the birthday cake decorator for your birthday cake that we're gonna have at your surprise birthday party'

 **cake team 1** : all i said was that jeno was on the phone!!

 **cake team 3** : but you know none of us ever call people except for doyoung

 **cooking team 3** : And none of you answer either

 **decorations team 1** : not the time

 **cooking team 2** : Listen, I'm sure we've all done things that were suspicious. Let's not blame each other

 **distraction team 1** : kun's just saying that bc he accidentally opened the decorations closet while haechan was in the room

 **cooking team 2** : Well, Ten almost told him about the distraction plan

 **cooking team 4** : and rmr how ty was super weird when haechan asked about the extra food

 **cooking team 1** : why bring me into this?

 **stay out of the way team 1** : i told you guys

 **stay out of the way team 1** : secrets will tear this family apart

 **decorations team 1** : hey, how about we all calm down

 **stay out of the way team 3** : how can we be calm?

 **stay out of the way team 3** : all of our hard work might be ruined

 **distraction team 3** : jisung, you've literally done nothing

 **stay out of the way team 3** : i mean that's my job, so you're welcome

 **decorations team 1** : can you guys shut up for a second?

 **decorations team 1** : jaemin, just tell him we've been secretive bc we didn't want him to know what his presents were

 **decorations team 1** : bc that kid always manages to figure out what he's getting

 **decorations team 1** : and if he says anything else that you don't know how to respond to just ask me

 **decorations team 1** : why are you making it complicated, it's easy

 **cake team 3** : fskakglj thank you oh wise one

 **decorations team 1** : man whatever the opposite of grace under pressure is

 **decorations team 1** : you guys are that

 

 

 

**9:18 PM**

 

 **Millenium** **Babies**

 

 **Haytch** : hello??

 **Haytch** : r u rlly gonna be like this?

 **Jae Walker** : omg calm down

 **Jae Walker** : idk about everyone else but i was only acting sus so you wouldn't find out what i got you

 **Injoonie** : same

 **Jenofer Lopez** : same

 **Jae Walker** : and i'm not telling so don't ask

 **Haytch** : so there's no party?

 **Jae Walker** : nope

 **Haytch** : ok

 **Jae Walker** : but you don't even really like surprises so it's okay, right?

 **Haytch** : right

 

 

 

**9:24 PM**

 

**bday planning committee**

 

 **cake team 3** : i feel bad bc its like a self-aware version of every birthday party episode in sitcoms where the ppl act like they don't care so the person doesn't suspect anything

 **cake team 3** : and they don't even notice that they hurt their friend's feelings bc they're too wrapped up in pulling off their surprise party to realize

 **cake team 3** : but like,,,,

 **cake team 3** : crisis averted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> google search history:  
> -popular korean dishes  
> -yukgaejang recipe  
> -can you make yukgaejang without gosari?  
> -gru meme generator
> 
> [tumblr](https://jmnth.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/jinkuhns) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jinkuhns)


	4. How to: Win an Oscar (A Huang Renjun Story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to post this like 3 days ago but the formatting didn't stay when i copy-pasted it so i had to put it all in manually and i fell asleep halfway through lmao and then my internet went out and the people didn't come until today rip in peace  
> so anyways, hbd to the nation's vocalist, moon taeil, and anyone else whose bday it is  
> almost forgot: let me know of any typos, i edit this myself so i miss thing a lot
> 
> ◇ten's declassified real world survival guide◇  
> ten: fearless leader  
> jungwoo: junguwu  
> donghyuck: baby duck
> 
> bday planning committee  
> taeyong: cooking team 1  
> kun: cooking team 2  
> dongyoung: cooking team 3  
> yuta: cooking team 4  
> johnny: decorations team 1  
> winwin: decorations team 2  
> jaehyun: decorations team 3  
> mark: cake team 1  
> jeno: cake team 2  
> jaemin: cake team 3  
> ten: distraction team 1  
> renjun: distraction team 2  
> jungwoo: distraction team 3  
> chenle: stay out of the way team 1  
> xuxi: stay out of the way team 2  
> jisung: stay out of the way team 3  
> taeil: stay out of the way team 4

 

 

 

**8:30 AM**

 

**◇ten's declassified real world survival guide◇**

 

 

 **fearless leader** : hey kid wake up

 **fearless** **leader** : oh wait,  you're not a kid anymore

 **fearless** **leader** : hey man

 **fearless** **leader** : ew no that's not right

 **junguwu** : he's a young adult

 **junguwu** : not a boy, not yet a man

 **junguwu** : all he needs is time...

 **baby** **duck** : a moment that is mine~~

 **junguwu** : how did i know that would work

 **baby** **duck** : it's britney, bitch

 **baby** **duck** : she always works

 **fearless** **leader** : good, now that you're up i need you to do something

 **baby** **duck** : and that would be?

 **fearless** **leader** : put on your cutest outfit and then come to our dorm bc me n jungwoo are taking you to breakfast

 **baby** **duck** : and by "taking me to breakfast" you mean.....?

 **fearless** **leader** : yes, we are paying for your food

 **baby** **duck** : ok and like,,, not to sound greedy or anything but...

 **baby** **duck** : am i still getting a present?

 **fearless** **leader** : lol no this ur present

 **baby** **duck** : that's.... fine

 **junguwu** : he's kidding we bought your presents online and they haven't come yet

 **baby** **duck** : oh thank god

 **baby** **duck** : also, online??

 **baby** **duck** : must not be what i thought they were...

 **fearless** **leader** : fsakdfls stop being a little sleuth and go get ready

 **baby** **duck** : kk

 **fearless** **leader** : oh, and renjun is coming with us

 **fearless** **leader** : can you see if he's awake?  i texted him earlier and he didn't respond

 **baby** **duck** : sure

 **fearless** **leader** : wait, i almost forgot

 **fearless** **leader** : happy birthday, haechan!!

 **junguwu** : happy birthday <3

 **baby** **duck** : thanks <333

 

 

 

**9:01 AM**

 

**donghyuck, renjun**

 

 **donghyuck** : hey

 **donghyuck** : are you awake yet?

 **renjun** : yes, i just woke up and i'm about to shower and get ready

 **renjun** : tell ten he can unclench

 **donghyuck** : ok but before you go

 **renjun** : ?

 **donghyuck** : i know what you did

 **renjun** : last summer?

 **donghyuck** : no be serious

 **renjun** : i'm still too asleep to be serious

 **donghyuck** : look, i know you convinced ten and jungwoo to do this whole pity breakfast thing

 **renjun** : hyuck it's not a pity breakfast, i promise

 **renjun** : ten mentioned before that the four of us should hang out and do something together

 **renjun** : and since you were not subtle about you're disappointment yesterday

 **renjun** : i suggested that we do it for your birthday to make up for the lack of a surprise party

 **renjun** : so it's really not pity

 **renjun** : we just want to spend time with you

 **donghyuck** :

**donghyuck** : ok well i'm just gonna go do my makeup for the first time

 **donghyuck** : bc i totally didn't do it already and then smear it with tears haha that definitely didn't happen

 **renjun** : of course, i completely believe you

 **donghyuck** : you should bc it's true

 **renjun** : mhm

 **renjun** : hey do you want me to bring my present with me or give it to you later?

 **donghyuck** : give it to me later

 **donghyuck** : i haven't figured out what it is yet so i don't have a reaction planned

 **donghyuck** : i actually only know what 2 of my presents are this year

 **donghyuck** : idky i'm so off my game

 **renjun** : why do you do this? you're such a fun-ruiner

 **donghyuck** : it's very stressful opening presents in front of people

 **donghyuck** : what if they got me a pair of high cut plain white socks and i accidentally make a face?

 **donghyuck** : now i've lost a dear friend bc they don't know that teens like patterned socks and i can't control my disgust

 **donghyuck** : it's just easier to be prepared

 **renjun** : i mean i guess that's #valid

 **donghyuck** : thanks

 **renjun** : ok i'm gonna go shower now

 **renjun** : i'll try to be quick

 **donghyuck** : oh, do you want me to come over and wait for you?

 **renjun** : nah, i'll just meet you there

 **donghyuck** : k, see you in 30

 **renjun** : 45

 **donghyuck** : 30

 **renjun** : 40

 **donghyuck** : 30

 **renjun** : fine

 **donghyuck** : <333

 **renjun** : <3

 

 

 

**9:23 AM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 **Haytch** : gskaskwpa emerfecy emregcyn pls the weurdest thisng hust hapobd

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : what's wrong? where are you? are you hurt? what happened?

 **Jae Walker** : he's probably overreacting as usual

 **Haytch** : you say that like ur ass isn't also dramatic

 **Jae Walker** : so he is coherent... hm

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : can you please tell me what's going on?

 **Haytch** : story time: i saw a physical manifestation of our lord and savior jesus christ???

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : what does that mean?

 **Jae** **Walker** : it's clickbait jeno don't do it

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : he's already reeling me in it's too late

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : how did jesus show himself to you?

 **Haytch** : @Injoonie let me know ur here so i can start my story pls i'm dying

 **Injoonie** : go ahead, i'm listening

 **Haytch** : ok, so as you all may know, it is my birthday

 **Jae** **Walker** : wow rlly? hbd i guess

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : happy birthday!!

 **Injoonie** : we know, continue

 **Haytch** : for my birthday, ten jungwoo n renjun are taking me out for breakfast

 **Jae** **Walker** : how come we weren't invited?

 **Injoonie** : bc you suck

 **Jae Walker** : that's fair

 **Jenofer Lopez** : so where does jesus come in?

 **Haytch** : i'm getting to that

 **Haytch** : now please leave all questions and comments until the end of the story

 **Haytch** : so i go over to ten n jungwoo's to chill while renjun gets ready only they aren't in the living room when i get there

 **Haytch** : instead of waiting on the couch like a neighbor you invited in while you were doing something then forgot about them

 **Haytch** : i decided the best course of action was to barge into their bedroom and shout "what's up, fuckers"

 **Haytch** : you know, like a vine reference

 **Jae Walker** : honestly, his storytelling is getting better

 **Haytch** : honestly, what did i jUST FUCKING SAY???

 **Jae Walker** : sorry

 **Haytch** : so right as i start walking back there, i run into someone coming out of the bathroom and you'll never guess who it was...

 **Jae Walker** : i'm sorry can we speak or...?

 **Jenofer Lopez** : was it jesus?

 **Injoonie** : it was xuxi

 **Haytch** : it was xuxi

 **Haytch** : damn joonie now who's the fun-ruiner

 **Haytch** : anyways he'd obviously just gotten out of the shower bc he was shirtless and glistening

 **Haytch** : so my little gay heart was beating fast

 **Haytch** : but then he started acting weird which made my gay heart beat fast for a different reason (anxiety)

 **Injoonie** : how was he weird?

 **Haytch** : well he literally yelled "what are you doing here??" when he first ran into me

 **Haytch** : and that kinda put me on edge

 **Haytch** : then when i told him abt bday breakfast he said this exact thing to me:

 **Haytch** : "oh, haha, cool. i eat breakfast,, not that i want to go!! i have things to do, nothing you need to know about tho. haha, gotta blast!"

 **Haytch** : and then he ran away

 **Jae** **Walker** : oof that boy is a mess

 **Haytch** : but like what do you think it means?

 **Injoonie** : i think it means he remembered 2 seconds into the conversation that it's weird to talk to people while not wearing clothes

 **Injoonie** : and that he has not yet mastered the speedy but smooth exit

 **Jae Walker** : and that he's a mess

 **Injoonie** : that too

 **Jenofer Lopez** : wait so i'm confused

 **Jenofer Lopez** : where does jesus come in?

 **Haytch** : read between the lines jeno

 **Haytch** : the lord manifested himself to me in the form of xuxi's abs

 **Haytch** : it's like i was moses in the cleft of a rock

 **Haytch** : and god moved his hand just in time for me to catch a glimpse of their magnificence as they passed by

 **Injoonie** : mark will be happy to know you've been using the bible he got you last year

 **Haytch** : fjskcdka shut up

 **Haytch** : are you on your way yet?

 **Haytch** : i need to yell about this to you in person

 **Injoonie** : i'm walking in the door right now

 **Injoonie** : and you can't say anything in front of ten and jungwoo unless you want them to know

 **Haytch** : ew nvm i'll just hold it in and yell about it when we get back from breakfast

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : have fun <3

 **Jae** **Walker** : be safe <3

 **Haytch** : <333

 **Injoonie** : <3

 

 

 

**9:42 AM**

 

**bday planning committee**

 

 **distraction team 1** : okay, we just left

 **distraction team 1** : party prep can commence or whatever

 **cooking team 1** : everybody come to the 127 dorms so we can get stuff ready

 **stay out of the way team 1** : are we allowed to come?

 **stay out of the way team 3** : we promise we won't touch anything

 **cooking team 1** : okay but i need someone to keep an eye on taeil

 **stay out of the way team 4** : why???

 **cooking team 1** : i don't trust you not to pull any pranks

 **stay out of the way team 4** : pranks are fun! haechan would love pranks at his party!!

 **cooking team 1** : he wouldn't and this is exactly why i can't trust you

 **decorations team 1** : i'll take him with us to get the balloons

 **decorations team 1** : winwin will be there so that should keep him preoccupied

 **stay out of the way team 4** : winwin!!

 **cooking team 1** : okay, mark we should have enough room in the fridge if you wanna bring over the cake

 **cooking team 3** : And remember the rule!!

 **cake team 1** : i know i know

 **cake team 1** : let someone else carry it

 **cooking team 3** : Good.

 **cake team 3** : so, speaking of xuxi...

 **stay out of the way team 2** : no one was speaking of me

 **cake team 2** : xuxi

 **cake team 3** : thx jeno

 **cake team 3** : so now that we're speaking of xuxi...

 **cake team 3** : haechan told us a fun story about something that happened this morning at the u dorms

 **stay out of the way team 2** : oh

 **cooking team 1** : what happened?

 **cooking team 4** : what did you do?

 **stay out of the way team 2** : nothing!

 **cooking team 2** : Xuxi.

 **stay out of the way team 2** : okay, so maybe he surprised me when i was leaving the bathroom

 **stay out of the way team 2** : and maybe i panic yelled at him and ran away

 **stay out of the way team 2** : but in my defense no one warned me he was at our dorm and i'm not very good under pressure

 **cooking team 4** : ur such a mess

 **cake team 3** : that's what i said!!

 **cooking team 2** : Well, did you say anything about the party?

 **cake team 3** : nah he just made haechan real confused

 **stay out of the way team 2** : then why bring it up and make me look like a fool?

 **cake team 3** : you just answered your own question, bud

 **stay out of the way team 2** : :-(

 **cooking team 1** : hey everyone, quit dilly-dallying and find something to do

 **cooking team 1** : if you have time to text, you have time to help

 **cake team 3** : dilly-dallying??

 **cooking team 1** : i said what i said

 **cooking team 1** : now get to work

 

 

 

**10:17 AM**

 

**jaemin, renjun**

 

 **jaemin** : how is breakfast going?

 **jaemin** : where did you guys take the bday boy?

 **renjun** : we took him to his favorite little cafe (mcdonald's)

 **renjun** : and we just placed our order

 **jaemin** : party prep is going smoothly, thanks for asking

 **jaemin** : nice to know you care about me and my life

 **renjun** : hey! you didn't even give me a chance to say anything

 **jaemin** : ik it's just fun to mess w you ;)

 **renjun** : :(

 **jaemin** : <3

 **renjun** : uwu <3

 **jaemin** : ur lucky i love you enough not to tell jungwoo you did that

 **renjun** : haha

 **renjun** : so tell me more about party preparations

 **renjun** : everything is completely fine, you said?

 **jaemin** : well,,, it's fine now

 **jaemin** : earlier, taeil pulled a bunch of fake roaches out of his pocket and scared jisung

 **jaemin** : so now he's locked in his room and johnny confiscated his roaches

 **jaemin** : and mark put his elbow in the cake and messed up the icing so it says Happy Birth

 **jaemin** : we managed to smooth it out but we can't fix the words

 **renjun** : i'm sure hyuck will think it's funny

 **renjun** : gotta go, our food is ready

 **jaemin** : <3

 

 

 

**12:40 PM**

 

**ten, taeyong**

 

 **ten** : are you guys done yet?

 **ten** : we finished eating an hour ago, we made paper hats out of our napkins, and haechan has done tarot card readings for all of us

 **taeyong** : no! can you stall for like 1 more hour?

 **ten** : ugh fine. i knew you wouldn't be ready and i planned for this

 **ten** : there's a music store next door, i'll distract him with records

 **taeyong** : don't let him buy any!!

 **taeyong** : that's what like half of us got him as presents

 **ten** : don't worry

 **ten** : as soon as i said the magic words "i'm paying" his wallet disappeared into thin air

 

**1:56 PM**

 

 **ten** : the birthday boy looked at every single record in the store

 **ten** : we're coming home now

 **ten** : should be there in 20 min

 **taeyong** : ok we should be ready by then

 

 

 

**2:20 PM**

 

**ncity #6**

 

 **taeilasoldastime** : hey, can someone let me out of my room?

 **taeilasoldastime** : i can hear you all partying and i wanna have fun too

 **taeilasoldastime** : :(

 **teethboi** : oop, sorry

 **teethboi** : i'm coming

 

 

 

**3:04 PM**

 

**donghyuck, mark**

 

 **donghyuck** : so mark lee, you lied to me?

 **donghyuck** : like you successfully kept this a secret for how long?

 **mark** : a month

 **donghyuck** : i am impressed

 **donghyuck** : but what i am not impressed with is this music

 **donghyuck** : who made this playlist?

 **donghyuck** : rhetorical question, i know it was you and i want you to feel bad about it

 **mark** : hey, these are classics

 **donghyuck** : dizzee rascal, mark? in the year of our lord two thousand and gayteen?

 **mark** : agree to disagree

 

 

 

**3:08 PM**

 

**renjun, donghyuck**

 

 **renjun** : so? what do you think??

 **renjun** : did we get you or did we get you?

 **donghyuck** : i have 1 question: where is your oscar??

 **donghyuck** : your whole performance was brilliant

 **renjun** : gskakfj thank you for recognizing my talent

 **donghyuck** : also since it's my birthday and ur already in the kitchen and i'm sitting...

 **donghyuck** : can you bring me a drink? pwease?

 **renjun** : i guess

 **renjun** : and happy birthday, hyuck <3333

 **donghyuck** : thanks <3333

 

 

  

**4:15 PM**

 

**johnny, donghyuck**

 

 **johnny** : and the father of the year award goes to.....

 **donghyuck** : taeyong!! bc i know he's the one that actually planned this

 **johnny** : hey, i'll have you know that we did most of the planning together

 **donghyuck** : and did that involve a lot of spending time,,,, alone with each other??

 **johnny** : a little

 **donghyuck** : and did you make any moves during this time?

 **johnny** : ...no

 **donghyuck** : what good are you? you couldn't even give me this on my birthday??

 **donghyuck** : you're the most confident person i know and you can't even tell someone you like them??

 **donghyuck** : what hope do the rest of us have?

 **johnny** : and why might you need hope?

 **donghyuck** : i don't

 **donghyuck** : it's a figure of speech

 **donghyuck** : i meant like the royal us

 **donghyuck** : ok thanks for the party gotta go, bye!

 **johnny** : we're in the same room

 **johnny** : i can see you avoiding eye contact with me

 **johnny** : you didn't even go anywhere

 **johnny** : fine. 

 **johnny** : i'll ignore this

 **johnny** : for now

 

 

 

**6:32 PM**

 

**ncity #6**

 

 **tyongie** : so, haechan, did you enjoy your party??

 **full son** : yes fsakfjm icb you guys pulled it off

 **JohnnyBGood** : we're also surprised

 **taeilasoldastime** : yeah, you're usually so observant 

 **teethboi** : and there were several times we almost blew it

 **teethboi** : maybe you aren't as smart as we thought you were

 **yourmother** : Yuta

 **full son** : hey! you can't insult me on my bday

 **full son** : plus i didn't realize bc i had other stuff on my mind

 **mork** : like what?

 **full son** : global warming? the economy? the loss of biodiversity due to agriculture?

 **full son** : do any of those issues ring a bell? or do you only have time to care about yourself?

 **JohnnyBGood** : god mark ur so selfish

 **JenOhNo** : yeah, mark, other people have problems too

 **mork** : wait 

 **mork** : what did i do?

 **full son** : it's not what you did, it's what you didn't do: care

 **wingwing** : speaking of things mark didn't do...

 **wingwing** : haechan, did you like the decorations?

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : lol nice segway winwin

 **JohnnyBGood** : segway

 **ten-der love** : segway

 **NiNaNa** : segway

 **full son** : yes i loved them

 **full son** : especially the pictures where you photoshopped my face onto a cartoon picture of the sun

 **wingwing** : thanks, it was my idea!

 **full son** : well, they turned out great

 **full son** : can you make more?

 **wingwing** : sure, why?

 **full son** : i want to wallpaper the manager's room with them

 **taeilasoldastime** : !!!

 **taeilasoldastime** : i can help!

 **full son** : swaggy

 **tyongie** : you are not doing that

 **taeilasoldastime** : :(

 **full** **son** : not swaggy

 **yourmother** : So who got you the best present?

 **ten-der love** : you're only asking bc you think it's you

 **yourmother** : That is not at all true

 **yourmother** : But, seriously, was it me?

 **full son** : i haven't even opened them all, and who's to say? all of them have been good so far

 **full son** : ok i can't even pretend

 **full son** : it was jisung

 **godjisung** : ha!

 **godjisung** : i knew it

 **yourmother** : how can whatever he got be better than my beautiful record player???

 **full son** : jisung got me a signed story of light ep and a personal birthday message from taemin

 **full son** : tae. min.

 **godjisung** : i got connections y'all

 **full son** : but i also love my record player

 **full son** : i love all my presents bc they came from you guys

 **full son** : and it's really not a competition

 **yourmother** : oh it is

 **yourmother** : and next year i'm gonna win

 **yourmother** : be prepared to have your socks knocked clean off

 **ten-der love** : doyoung not using punctuation and being overly competitive is,,,,, frightening

 **smallncutejungwoo** : and kinda hot

 **just lele** : ew

 **tyongie** : don't ever say that again

 **taeilasoldastime** : haechan, quick question

 **full son** : yes?

 **taeilasoldastime** : would you have appreciated pranks at your party?

 **full son** : ooh, like putting fake cockroaches in people's food? that would've been funny

 **taeilasoldastime** :

 

 

 

**3:22 AM**

 

**unknown, donghyuck**

 

 **unknown** : i know it's late and ur probably asleep

 **unknown** : but i didn't get a chance to apologize for being so weird this morning

 **unknown** : i'm just really not good under pressure and i wasn't expecting you to be there

 **unknown** : i also wanted to ask if you liked the stuffed animal i got you

 **unknown** : i know it's nothing big but you mentioned one time that you liked goofy and i figured it was a safe bet

 **unknown** : plus i didn't want to risk buying you the same lp as someone else

 **unknown** : if you don't like it, i can return it and get you something else

 **unknown** : this is lucas, by the way

 

 

 

**3:24 AM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 **Haytch** : [image attached]

 **Haytch** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if it wasn't clear, the image haechan sends is a ss of what lucas texted him. i just thought it would be redundant to put it it twice  
> also lucas totally bought the same lp as someone else but he also bought like 3 backup presents bc he couldn't decide which one was the best
> 
> also also, if you guys wanna talk to me abt this fic or just wanna be friends, feel free to hmu i love hearing your thoughts and thank you for reading <33  
> [tumblr](https://jmnth.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/jinkuhns) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jinkuhns)


	5. How to: Get Cancelled (A Wong Yukhei Story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i tried to write this chapter like 5 times from hyuck's perspective and couldn't get past like 200 words, so i gave up and tried it from xuxi's perspective and it was so much easier, so idk if this is super great but i guarantee it's better than whatever i had before. um its currently almost midnight so i will read over this in the morning. hopefully there aren't too many mistakes, please enjoy and thank you for reading
> 
> usernames  
> 3 men and a baby (nct u gc)  
> kun: magic man  
> ten: tentastic  
> jungwoo: j-wooz  
> xuxi: united kingdom

 

 

 

**7:06 AM**

 

**3 men and a baby**

 

 

 **united kingdom** : what does it mean when you text someone at 3 in the morning and they haven't responded yet??

 **tentastic** : it means they're probably fucking asleep

 **tentastic** : like i just was bc it's 7 am

 **united kingdom** : sorry

 **j-wooz** : who were you texting that early and why??

 **j-wooz** : wait

 **tentastic** : oh no

 **j-wooz** : please tell me you didn't

 **tentastic** : how did you even get his number??

 **magic man** : Hold on,  what are we talking about? 

 **tentastic** : xuxi texted haechan at 3 in the am bc he's impulsive and lacks common sense

 **magic man** : Oh. Not your best move, pal. 

 **united kingdom** : i just wanna be his friend!

 **tentastic** : but seriously, how did you get his number???

 **tentastic** : bc i know you didn't ask him yourself

 **tentastic** : and i get that you wanna be "friends" with him but stealing his personal information is not the way to go about that

 **united** **kingdom** : why did you put quotes around friends?

 **tentastic** : you know why

 **united kingdom** : i really don't, and i did not steal his phone number!

 **united kingdom** : renjun gave it to me because i said i wanted to apologize for yesterday but i was too embarrassed to do it in person

 **j-wooz** : oh you mean yesterday when you shoved your bare-ass titties in his face and yelled at him

 **j-wooz** : why would you be embarrassed by that??

 **magic man** : Please don't say titties.

 **united kingdom** : hey! i didn't do that!!

 **united kingdom** : well, i did the yelling part

 **united kingdom** : but i didn't shove my..... chest in his face

 **united kingdom** : he ran into me!!

 **united kingdom** : and i was embarrassed because i made a fool of myself and probably didn't leave a good impression, obviously

 **united kingdom** : oh wait you were being sarcastic weren't you

 **j-wooz** : me?? being sarcastic? pshaw

 **united kingdom** : so that's a yes

 **tentastic** : did you really just..... pshaw?

 **j-wooz** : i can say whatever i want bc i'm cute uwu

 **tentastic** : and i can judge you if i want bc i'm cuter uwu

 **j-wooz** :

**tentastic** : kun, am i cuter than jungwoo?

 **magic man** : I think anything I say will get me in trouble, so I just won't answer.

 **tentastic** : that option could also get you in trouble

 **magic man** : You can't intimidate me

 **tentastic** : oh really?

 **united kingdom** : everybody hold up, he just texted me!!

 **united kingdom** : oh never mind it's just mark

 **tentastic** : try not to sound so disappointed

 **j-wooz** : how do you not immediately know who texted you?

 **j-wooz** : do your notifications not pop up on your screen?

 **united kingdom** : they do but if i'm in the middle of something, i swipe them up before i can read them

 **united kingdom** : it's a reflex and i don't know where it came from or how to stop it

 

 

 

**7:14 AM**

 

**mark, yukhei**

 

 

 **mark** : yo bro

 **yukhei** : bro!

 **mark** : good youre awake

 **yukhei** : what chu need, man?

 **yukhei** : ...what chuu need? 

 **yukhei** : lmao stan loona

 **mark** : oh my god

 **yukhei** : sorry continue

 **mark** : so listen, i know we were gonna pump some iron together at 9 but can we possibly move that up to like 8 ish

 **yukhei** : pump some iron??

 **mark** : work out, lift weights, get swole

 **yukhei** : ohh, why??

 **mark** : its thursday so i have my thing with jaemin after lunch

 **mark** : but taeyong wants us to clean the dorms this afternoon bc its a mess from the party

 **mark** : so i figured if we got our workout done early i could see if he had time before lunch to do it

 **yukhei** : that's fine with me, man

 **mark** : ok thanks, bro

 **mark** : ill text him and see, if hes busy we can just stick to 9 and ill reschedule with him for another day

 **yukhei** : aight, cool

 **mark** : give me just a few minutes

 **mark** : ok he said before lunch is good, so were on for 8??

 **yukhei** : yeah bro we on

 **yukhei** : hold up tho, i have a question

 **mark** : whats up?

 **yukhei** : you wouldn't happen to know what time haechan wakes up would you?

 **mark** : what??

 **yukhei** : uhh, i made a bet with kun about how early he would wake up after the party

 **yukhei** : kun said not until noon but i thought it would be before 8

 **mark** : thats a weird thing to bet on

 **yukhei** : yeah, me n kun like to make weird bets so we aren't just doin the same boring shit all the time

 **mark** : oh ok

 **mark** : well according to jaehyun hes been awake since at least 7 so i guess you win!

 **mark** : was it money? or like doing someones chores?

 **yukhei** : chores. kun has to clean my side of the room now lol

 **mark** : lol ok bro see you at 8

 **yukhei** : see you

 

 

 

**7:28 AM**

 

**3 men and a baby**

 

 

 **united kingdom** : so what are the reasons that someone might not text you after they've been awake for 30 minutes?

 **j-wooz** : what?

 **united kingdom** : mark said haechan has been up since 7 but he hasn't texted me back yet

 **magic man** : Maybe he hasn't checked his phone yet.

 **tentastic** : or maybe he's too nervous to respond

 **united kingdom** : why would he be nervous??

 **tentastic** : you know why

 **united kingdom** : no i don't?

 **magic man** : Or maybe he just isn't ready to text back. People don't always have to respond right away.

 **magic man** : And it doesn't mean anything special that he hasn't. 

 **tentastic** : ok...

 **magic man** : I'm just being honest.

 **j-wooz** : ....so why is mark texting you so early? 

 **united kingdom** : he wanted to move our workout up so that he would have time to clean the dorms this afternoon

 **united kingdom** : apparently taeyong is making them all clean because it's still trashed from the party

 **j-wooz** : do they want us to help? should we go over and give them a hand?

 **tentastic** : ew, why would we do that??

 **j-wooz** : bc it would be nice

 **j-wooz** : and also i wanna see doyoung but i don't wanna go alone

 **tentastic** : mhm that's what i thought

 **magic man** : I'll go with you, if you want. I was gonna go anyway.

 **tentastic** : i mean like yeah i'll go too bc i'm your wingman and it's my duty to be there

 **tentastic** : but i just wanted you to admit you weren't going to be ~nice~

 **j-wooz** : ok it's like at least 25% to be nice

 **tentastic** : that's generous

 **j-wooz** : fine 10% now leave me alone

 **j-wooz** : okay so that's 2/3

 **j-wooz** : lucas

 **united kingdom** : jungwoo

 **j-wooz** : ....lucas

 **united kingdom** : fine

 **j-wooz** : yay uwu

 **tentastic** : but wait don't you guys work out at like 9? how does that affect his afternoon plans?

 **united kingdom** : oh, well he was gonna help jaemin with songwriting after lunch because it's thursday

 **united kingdom** : but he changed it to before lunch so he could clean

 **tentastic** : they still do that? i thought it was just a one time thing

 **united kingdom** : no, they do it every thursday and have been for the past couple months

 **tentastic** : are we sure they're "songwrititng"? what if that's just a cover up??

 **united kingdom** : for what??

 **tentastic** : .....really?

 **united kingdom** : ohhh, so you think they're what? dating each other?

 **tentastic** : maybe. or one of them is dating someone else and the other one covers for them? 

 **tentastic** : come on, do you really believe they're just sitting there talking about music for like 2 hours??

 **j-wooz** : it does seem a little.... sus

 **tentastic** : kun, jsyk that means suspicious

 **magic man** : I know what it means!

 **magic man** : I'm hip; I understand slang!

 **tentastic** : keep telling yourself that

 **tentastic** : so what are your thoughts on this? is it the truth? is it an excuse?

 **magic man** : I have no thoughts on this.

 **tentastic** : nothing?

 **tentastic** : really?

 **magic man** : Nope. I have nothing to say.

 **tentastic** : come on

 **tentastic** : it's all in fun

 **tentastic:** you really don't have anything to say?

 **tentastic** : not even one teensy speculative comment?

 **magic man** : Actually, I do have one thought.

 **tentastic** : go on

 **magic man** : I think you're being a hypocrite.

 **magic man** : I don't think you should make "speculative comments"  about secrets that someone might be keeping when you have secrets of your own.

 

 

 **magic man** has left the group

 

 

 **tentastic** : oh damn

 **united kingdom** : oh damn

 **j-wooz** : oh damn

 **j-wooz** : so do we think he's really angry

 **j-wooz** : or did he do that for effect?

 **tentastic** : kun isn't really the type to do things just for effect

 **tentastic** : xuxi does he look super angry?

 **united kingdom** : oh idk he rolled his eyes and left the room after like my first text this morning

 **united kingdom** : but he sounds angry

 **j-wooz** : y'all mind if i....

 

 

 **j-wooz** changed the group name to **2 men and a baby**

 

 

 **tentastic** : really not helpful

 **j-wooz** : lol sorry but i think kun is being too over the top

 **j-wooz** : like who doesn't keep secrets??

 **j-wooz** : i have stuff i don't tell you guys just bc i wanna keep it to myself

 **united kingdom** : yeah

 **united kingdom** : i don't really have secrets only because i'm bad at keeping them, but it's okay to not tell people everything about yourself

 **tentastic** : and it's not like i even have any bad secrets, i've never killed someone

 **j-wooz** : ....wait, have you??

 **tentastic** : i just said i haven't

 **j-wooz** : yeah, but why is that where your mind went? how do i know you aren't lying??

 **tentastic** : i'm not lying you fuck

 **tentastic** : stop being ridiculous

 **united kingdom** : jungwoo, ten is not a murderer

 **united kingdom** : ..... as far as we know

 **tentastic** : oh my god

 **united kingdom** : and i think we should just let kun cool down, he probably said all of that in the heat of the moment

 **united kingdom** : if we give him space, he'll realize that he overreacted and that ten isn't hurting amyone by keeping secrets

 **j-wooz** : and what's wrong with a tiny bit of gossip sometimes?

 **j-wooz** : everyone is a little nosy, am i right?

 **j-wooz** : ten, am i right??

 **j-wooz** : you were literally being nosy like 5 min ago

 **united kingdom** : maybe he muted us

 **united kingdom** : hey, ten

 **united kingdom** : 

**united kingdom** : yeah he definitely muted us

 **j-wooz** : why would he do that?

 **united kingdom** : idk, but since he's gone...

 

 

 **united kingdom** changed the group name to **1 man and a baby**

 

 

 **j-wooz** : nice

 

 

 

**9:34 AM**

 

**haechan,  yukhei**

 

 

 **haechan** : hey, i totally understand, you didn't want to ruin the surprise

 **haechan** : and i love my goofy doll! he lives on my bed now lol

 **haechan** : plus at least it was something different, i literally got 8 records yesterday

 

 

 

**9:35 AM**

 

**1 man and a baby**

 

 

 **united kingdom** : jungwoo fkwkjfdskal hw jkuat twzstw dmw

 **j-wooz** : okay that's too gay to understand, even for me

 **united kingdom** : he just texted me

 **united kingdom** : [image attached]

 **j-wooz** : you got him a goofy doll for his birthday?

 **united kingdom** : that's what you picked up on??

 **j-wooz** : i thought you got him a jackson 5 vinyl

 **united kingdom** : i did but i also bought a backup present in case someone else got him that

 **united kingdom** : and then i overheard johnny talking about getting him the same record so i went with my backup present

 **j-wooz** : that just seems a little.... cheap

 **united kingdom** : i'll have you know, that doll was more expensive than 2 of the albums i got him

 **j-wooz** : 2?? how many did you buy???

 **j-wooz** : you just said you got 1 and a backup present

 **united kingdom** : okay i lied i got 3 backup albums and 1 backup goofy doll but in my defense!!!

 **united kingdom** : we literally have a hive mind and every single one that i picked was also given to him by another member

 **united kingdom** : so i feel like overpreparing was helpful in this situation

 **united kingdom** : also side note: do we have any envelopes big enough to ship records?

 **j-wooz** : how much disposable income do you have??

 **j-wooz** : and why are you so desperate for haechan's friendship?

 **united kingdom** : because

 **united kingdom** : don't you think it's weird?

 **j-wooz** : what?

 **united kingdom** : that we are the only 2 people in the group that don't hang out??

 **united kingdom** : like we hardly know anything about each other

 **j-wooz** : i mean i don't really know that much about winwin so what's ur point

 **united kingdom** : i just think that we're all in the same group so we should at least try to be friends

 **united kingdom** : i don't want anyone to feel awkward around me and i don't wanna feel awkward around them

 **united kingdom** : now tell me what to say so i seem cool and aloof and not at all desperate

 **j-wooz** : fine

 **j-wooz** : "yes, exactly!! they shouldn't have even told me about it in the first place because i suck at keeping secrets!!!"

 **united kingdom** : it's true but you shouldn't say it

 **j-wooz** : "and i'm glad you like it!! i spent way too much time and money on figuring out what to get you!!"

 **united kingdom** : ok well that's no good

 **united kingdom** : what's with all the exclamation points?? it makes it sound like it's coming from an overexcited puppy

 **j-wooz** : 

**united kingdom** : never mind i'll wing it, i don't need you

 **united kingdom** : [image attached]

 

 

 

> **9:44 AM**
> 
> **yukhei, haechan**
> 
> **yukhei** : i'm glad you like it!

 

 

 **united kingdom** : i panicked but this is fine right?

 **j-wooz** : you fool, you really do need me

 **j-wooz** : you have to add something to continue the conversation,  otherwise there's no reason for him to keep texting you

 **j-wooz** : ask him about his new records

 **united kingdom** : [image attached]

 

>  
> 
>  
> 
> **9:48 AM**
> 
> **yukhei, haechan**
> 
> **yukhei** : what records did you get?

 

 

 **j-wooz** : you're literally doing the bare minimum but i guess it's fine

 **j-wooz** : hmu when he texts back

 

 

**11:55 AM**

 

 

 **tentastic** : hey, why is this 1 man and a baby now?

 **tentastic** : i'm still here??

 **united kingdom** : we thought you muted us

 **tentastic** : my phone died so i plugged it in and went for a walk

 **j-wooz** : have you talked to kun yet?

 **tentastic** : no, i have no idea where he is and i'm not gonna seek him out when he's the one who needs to apologize

 **j-wooz** : are you still coming with me to help clean later?

 **tentastic** : idk will kun be there?

 **j-wooz** : i mean yeah, he said he would

 **tentastic** : then no

 **j-wooz** : whyyy?? we can clean a different room from him, that way you won't even have to talk to him

 **united kingdom** : even though you should

 **tentastic** : what do i have to say to him? he's the one who was getting all uppity over some random secret

 **united kingdom** : i agree that kun could've gone about it a better way, but he's had time to cool down and still hasn't come to you

 **united kingdom** : he's obviously hurt by whatever secret you're keeping from him and you should at least see why he's this upset

 **united kingdom** : kun is usually the bigger person, maybe you should be this one time

 **tentastic** : ew you're fuckin right

 **j-wooz** : when did the baby get so wise?

 **tentastic** : idk but i don't like it

 **united kingdom** : so you'll talk to him??

 **tentastic** : fine i will

 **tentastic** : but i'm waiting until after we clean just in case i somehow make him angrier

 **united kingdom** : i guess that's alright

 **united kingdom** : but if he tries to talk to you before that, you have to do it, don't just blow him off

 **tentastic** : if he's waited this long, i guarantee he won't

 

 

 

**1:45 PM**

 

**chenle, yukhei**

 

 

 **chenle** : what are you doing right now?

 **yukhei** : well, i was about to go over and help clean the 127 dorms

 **yukhei** : are you not going?

 **chenle** : why would i do that?

 **yukhei** : .....idk

 **chenle** : it isn't extremely messy

 **chenle** : and if too many people are there it'll get crowded and make things more difficult

 **yukhei** : that's a good point

 **chenle** : great! so you'll come over??

 **yukhei** : what?

 **chenle** : do you want to come over and hang out?

 **yukhei** : ....i mean, they didn't technically ask for extra help

 **chenle** : true

 **yukhei** : ....and jungwoo, ten, and kun are already going

 **chenle** : uh huh

 **yukhei** : so they probably don't need me there

 **chenle** : soooooo?

 **yukhei** : wait, what are we gonna do?

 **yukhei** : ps4? tv? you can't trick me into monopoly again

 **chenle** : no, it's none of those things....

 **chenle** : have you ever played hide and seek in the dark?

 **yukhei** : why in the dark??

 **chenle** : more interesting that way

 **chenle** : no one can see and someone always gets hurt, it's great!

 **chenle** : you in?

 **yukhei** : i guess

 **chenle** : yay!!

 

 

 

**2:30 PM**

 

**1 man and a baby**

 

 

 **tentastic** : xuxi where are you???

 **tentastic** : jungwoo lied, he doesn't need me to flirt with doyoung so now i'm just hiding in the bathroom to avoid kun

 **united kingdom** : i told you not to avoid him!

 **tentastic** : no, you said if he tries to talk to me then i should let him

 **tentastic** : but he's not trying to talk to me, he's just looking sad and angry :(

 **united kingdom** : you better talk to him as soon as you get the chance

 **tentastic** : i will

 **tentastic** : get off my back

 **tentastic** : hold up did you really just scold me to distract from the fact that you aren't here?

 **united kingdom** : well, it didn't work apparently

 **tentastic** : nope

 **united kingdom** : okay, i went to the dream dorms to hang out

 **tentastic** : is haechan there?? taeyong said he couldn't find him

 **yukhei** : yeah, he's here, he didn't want to clean

 **yukhei** : and i also made my first step toward friendship with him!

 **tentastic** : wow, i'm so happy for you

 **tentastic** : please tell me all about it

 **united kingdom** : i know you were being sarcastic but you opened the door so i'm coming in

 **tentastic** : oh, i was being serious

 **tentastic** : anything to distract from jungwoo trying to flirt with doyoung the blushing brick wall

 **united kingdom** : ok so, maybe you read up earlier but in case you didn't: i texted him about the records he got for his birthday

 **united kingdom** : he had his phone on silent so he didn't get my text, but i asked him about them when i saw him

 **united kingdom** : and we had a real actual 15 minute long conversation about that and our mutual appreciation for michael jackson

 **united kingdom** : and now all of us are playing hide and seek in the dark

 **tentastic** : why?

 **united kingdom** : it's great! i've stubbed every single one of my toes

 **tentastic** : aren't you worried about someone seeing the light from your phone?

 **united kingdom** : nah, i found the perfect hiding spot

 **united kingdom** : i'm on the shelf at the top of jaemin's closet

 **tentastic** : how did you get up there???

 **united kingdom** : he had a stepstool in here

 **united kingdom** : damn, spoke too soon

 **united kingdom** : jisung just found me

 **tentastic** : you jinxed yourself

 **united kingdom** : and now i gotta go be it

 **tentastic** : aw, that's so sad

 **tentastic** : it must be so hard walking around in the dark and having fun with your friends

 **united kingdom** : ok this time you're being sarcastic

 **tentastic** : me? being sarcastic? pshaw

 

 

**2:53 PM**

 

 

 **united kingdom** : I JSUT ACCIDENTLU GROPWD HAECJANS ASS

 **united kingdom** : OUR FRIWNDSHIO IS OVET BEFORW IT BEGAN

 **united kingdom** : BYE IIM CANXCELLIGN M YSELFD

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> based on one time i played hide and seek in the dark at summer camp and my friend accidentally grabbed my ass  
> ended it again with yelling, hopefully this doesn't become a theme  
> also idk how obvious i was bc i already know what it is but im curious if anyone has an idea what ten's secret is
> 
> [tumblr](https://jmnth.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/jinkuhns) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jinkuhns)


	6. How to: Catch a Lover (A Kim Jungwoo Story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, i am alive. i had a very busy month and this is what i get for not fully planning out this story  
> this takes place like 10 min after the end of ch 5 and is like 60% dowoo, 30% infighting, and only 10% hyuckhei, sorry  
> but anyways please enjoy!!!
> 
> just to recap:  
> 1 man and a baby  
> ten: tentastic  
> jungwoo: j-wooz  
> yukhei: united kingdom

 

 

 

**2:58 PM**

 

**1 man and a baby**

 

 

 **tentastic** : what the fuck

 **tentastic** : xuxi?

 **tentastic** : xuxi??

 **tentastic** : oh my fucking god he's fucking dead

 **tentastic** : do you think he died from shock?

 **tentastic** : or do you think haechan killed him?

 **tentastic** : i always figured he would be the first of us to commit murder

 **tentastic** : he's little but even i think he's scary sometimes

 **tentastic** : hello?

 **tentastic** : are you just gonna let me talk to myself?

 **tentastic** : jungwoo i can see you reading this get on here and respond to me

 **j-wooz** : where are you?

 **j-wooz** : why are you watching me??

 **tentastic** : i'm hiding in the bathroom

 **tentastic** : i have a direct line of sight to you from inside this hideous bath/shower combo

 **tentastic** : the tiling in here is just appalling

 **j-wooz** : fsdgkdkl what the fuck are you doing in there??

 **tentastic** : no don't come over here!!

 **tentastic** : you'll arouse suspicion

 **tentastic** : i'm avoiding kun

 **tentastic** : and taeyong bc he tried to get me to dust the ceiling fan earlier and i'm too cute to be up that high

 **tentastic** : but mostly kun

 **j-wooz** : so ur just,,,, sitting,,,,, in the tub??

 **tentastic** : yes

 **j-wooz** : and that's not,,,, uncomfortable??

 **tentastic** : it's less uncomfortable than being in the living room

 **j-wooz** : true

 **j-wooz** : okay but like,,, what if someone has to pee and doesn't realize you're there?

 **tentastic** : that's already happened like four times

 **tentastic** : i just stay completely silent until they're gone

 **tentastic** : word of advice? don't touch anyone's hands

 **tentastic** : none of these mfers know what a sink is

 **j-wooz** : okay, well have fun in the bath

 **j-wooz** : i'm gonna get back to flirting with doyoung while also trying to look like i'm cleaning

 **tentastic** : don't leave me! i'm so bored in here

 **tentastic** : i don't have the wifi password and i deleted all my games to make room for cute pics of me

 **j-wooz** : but,,, doyoung

 **tentastic** : doyoung is not even paying attention to you

 **j-wooz** : well that's rude

 **tentastic** : i mean ok obviously he's paying attention

 **tentastic** : you're perfect, you're beautiful, you look like linda evangelista

 **tentastic** : but like,,,, he's a ball of nerves around you, man

 **tentastic** : you need to try a different approach or he's gonna spontaneously combust

 **j-wooz** : :((

 **j-wooz** : can't you just use your gay wizard powers to make him like me already

 **tentastic** : no bc that would be manipulative and wrong

 **tentastic** : and i only use my powers for things that are manipulative and right

 **tentastic** : also doyoung already likes you

 **tentastic** : he buys you things all the time

 **tentastic** : expensive things

 **tentastic** : one time i asked him if i could borrow a dollar and he made me give him my diamond studs as collateral

 **tentastic** : diamonds!! for one (1) dollar

 **j-wooz** : yeah but that's bc he doesn't like you

 **j-wooz** : he buys stuff for literally everyone else

 **tentastic** : wow ok

 **tentastic** : i'm crying in the tub

 **j-wooz** : that's sad but back to me

 **tentastic** : f u i don't have to help you

 **j-wooz** : no! pls i need your help i'm begging

 **tentastic** : beg better

 **j-wooz** : please, ten almighty, i need your superior sense and impressive insight to help me catch a lover

 **tentastic** : honestly better than i was expecting and i love the alliteration

 **tentastic** : i'm back in

 **j-wooz** : thank you, my spiritual guide, my beautiful prince

 **tentastic** : i said i'm in, calm down

 **tentastic** : this just looks desperate

 **j-wooz** : the other day i tried to give doyoung a compliment and he laughed so hard he snorted

 **j-wooz** : and while he was laughing he awkwardly started backing out of the room

 **tentastic** : that's.... interesting

 **j-wooz** : so perhaps i am a little bit desperate

 **j-wooz** : he just never seems to take me seriously

 **j-wooz** : and i have no idea why

 **tentastic** : well i'm just spitballing here but...

 **tentastic** : maybe he doesn't take you seriously because everytime you flirt with him you make it sound like a joke

 **tentastic** : or maybe it's because you flirt with everyone all the time

 **tentastic** : or it could be because you have never been serious about anything in your life

 **j-wooz** : 

**j-wooz** : could be...

 **j-wooz** : but what if he actually doesn't like me??

 **j-wooz** : what if he laughs off my flirting because he's too embarrassed to admit he doesn't feel the same??

 **j-wooz** : what if i'm just making a fool out of myself??

 **j-wooz** : what if no one ever loves me???

 **j-wooz** : what if i die alone????????

 **tentastic** : wow you did a real 180 there ok

 **tentastic** : jungwoo,,,,

 **tentastic** : i can offer you a 100% money-back guarantee that doyoung does like you

 **j-wooz** : .....really?

 **tentastic** : but i need you to trust me

 **j-wooz** : nope sorry can't do

 **j-wooz** : that glimmer of hope was nice while it lasted

 **tentastic** : what?? why can't you trust me??

 **j-wooz** : ........

 **tentastic** : a valid reason

 **tentastic** : but listen i promise he does like you

 **tentastic** : if he doesn't, i'll eat my hat lmao

 **j-wooz** : any hat? or did you have a specific one in mind?

 **tentastic** : it's an expression

 **tentastic** : i'm not actually gonna eat a hat

 **j-wooz** : then there's no real consequences if you ruin my life

 **tentastic** : it doesn't matter bc i wouldn't have to eat a hat anyways

 **j-wooz** : if ur so sure that this will work,,,, why not make it something more realistic??

 **j-wooz** : eat a fruit salad

 **tentastic** : no thanks i don't wanna die

 **j-wooz** : according to your "100% money-back guarantee" you won't even have to eat fruit

 **j-wooz** : so it shouldn't be a big deal

 **tentastic** : it isn't

 **j-wooz** : then say it

 **tentastic** : if i lose......................................... i will eat a fruit salad

 **tentastic** : now are you ready to hear my plan??

 **j-wooz** :

**tentastic** : i hate you

 **j-wooz** : the feeling is not mutual and i think you're lovely

 **j-wooz** :

**tentastic** : respond to me with one more kdrama gif and i swear to god

 **j-wooz** : sorry okay i'm done

 **tentastic** : anywhom... the plan goes like this:

 **tentastic** : first, get doyoung alone

 **tentastic** : no one else around

 **tentastic** : an empty room except for you two

 **j-wooz** : i know what alone means thanks

 **tentastic** : have him sit down

 **tentastic** : on a chair, bed, couch, table, whatever

 **tentastic** : or he could stand? it really depends on how you feel and what the room allows for

 **j-wooz** : ........where are you going with this??

 **tentastic** : so once you're both sitting

 **tentastic** : or standing?

 **tentastic** : or one of you could stand while the other sits?

 **j-wooz** : oh my god i'm leaving

 **tentastic** : no wait!!

 **tentastic** : just tell him how you feel

 **j-wooz** : i'm sorry??

 **tentastic** : tell. him. how. you. feel.

 **j-wooz** : like just,,,,,, say it?,,,,,,,, out loud?

 **tentastic** : yeah

 **j-wooz** : what kind of plan is that??

 **j-wooz** : just lay all my cards on the table???

 **tentastic** : the only way he'll take you seriously is if you let him know you're serious

 **tentastic** : i know it's yucky to be emotionally vulnerable but sometimes you gotta

 **j-wooz** : and what if he says no?

 **tentastic** : "doyoung, i really like you" "no"

 **tentastic** : ???

 **j-wooz** : i mean what if he rejects me you butt

 **j-wooz** : and what if i make everything awkward

 **tentastic** : i'm pretty sure he won't but on the off chance that he does, then you have your answer and you have to be willing to accept that

 **tentastic** : and awkwardness is something you have to think about if you want to start a relationship with someone in the same group as you

 **tentastic** : will you be able to behave professionally if he rejects you?

 **tentastic** : or even if you get together, but end up breaking up in the future?

 **tentastic** : are you emotionally ready for a relationship if you can't even properly communicate with each other?

 **j-wooz** : what?

 **tentastic** : i just mean communication is important!!

 **tentastic** : so i think you need to communicate your actual feelings to him instead of making him guess

 **tentastic** : and if he rejects you, you can still laugh at me eating fruit

 **j-wooz** : yeah,,,

 **tentastic** : and obviously you don't have to do it right away

 **tentastic** : or ever, if you decide that you would be better off just trying to get over it

 **j-wooz** : i think it would be better to at least try

 **j-wooz** : if i never say anything i'll always regret it

 **j-wooz** : and it's better to do it now before i'm like super mega ultra in love and the rejection breaks my heart forever

 **j-wooz** : if it works out i'll be happy, and if it doesn't i'll be sad but at least i'll know and be able to start moving on

 **tentastic** : and i will be there supporting you either way!!

 **j-wooz** : thanks uwu

 **j-wooz** : not to have emotions, but i love you

 **tentastic** : love you too

 **j-wooz** :

**tentastic** : nvm i hate you

 **j-wooz** : :(

 

 

 

 

**3:34 PM**

 

**dongyoung, jungwoo**

 

 

 **dongyoung** : I didn't wanna say this out loud because he has the ears of a bat, but...

 **dongyoung** : Is Ten in the bathtub?

 **jungwoo** : yeah he is lol

 **dongyoung** : Any particular reason? Or is it just for fun?

 **jungwoo** : he's hiding from taeyong so he doesn't have to clean

 **jungwoo** : and you didn't hear this from me, but he also got in an argument with kun so he's hiding from him too

 **dongyoung** : Why did they get into an argument?

 **jungwoo** : i've said too much already

 **dongyoung** : You barely said anything

 **jungwoo** : and it was too much!!

 **jungwoo** : i'm going, bye

 **jungwoo** : oh, wait! i almost forgot,,, i need to talk to you later

 **dongyoung** : About what?

 **jungwoo** : just,,,, something

 **jungwoo** : can you meet me in my room after dinner?

 **jungwoo** : and not tell anyone about this?

 **dongyoung** : Okay, but you better not murder me

 **jungwoo** : can't make any promises lol

 **jungwoo** : sorry, just kidding, i definitely will not murder you

 **dongyoung** : Can't say I'm very reassured

 **jungwoo** : well, i guess you'll just have to trust me

 **dongyoung** : Well, I guess I can do that

 **dongyoung** : Hey, are you not going to help me clean the windows anymore?

 **dongyoung** : I moved on to the bedrooms 10 minutes ago, and you didn't come with me

 **jungwoo** : sorry, i thought i was annoying you

 **dongyoung** : You were, but I was happy to be annoyed by you

 **jungwoo** : wow what a compliment

 **dongyoung** : I'm in Jaehyun's room, if you wanna come back

 **jungwoo** : be right there

 

 

 

 

**3:56**

**1 man and a baby**

 

 

 **united** **kingdom** : damn, why do i have 167 messages?

 **united kingdom** : you couldn't do that out of the gc??

 **tentastic** : we only sent you 165 messages

 **united kingdom** : oh wait 2 of those were from my mom

 **j-wooz** : did you really count how many messages we sent just to prove xuxi wrong??

 **tentastic** : sure did

 **tentastic** : so xuxi,,,, how's that friendship progress coming now?

 **j-wooz** : yeah, how is it?

 **j-wooz** : you're still alive so that's a good sign

 **united kingdom** : why would i not be alive?

 **tentastic** : we thought haechan might've killed you for feelin up his ass

 **united kingdom** : twas an accident!!

 **j-wooz** : twas??

 **tentastic** : whether 'twas or 'twasn't is not the question

 **tentastic** : he would've killed you either way if he really wanted to

 **tentastic** : the question is: how did this situation actually work out?

 **united** **kingdom** : well, i'm still alive and sitting next to haechan on the couch while we watch a movie so how do you think it went??

 **tentastic** : let me guess, you apologized like fifty times

 **tentastic** : he accepted it but you feel like he didn't reeeeaaally accept it so you still want to apologize fifty more times

 **tentastic** : and you're only sitting next to each other bc everyone else took all the other seats

 **tentastic** : oh! and you probably keep glancing at him and making him feel awkward

 **tentastic** : on a scale from 1 to i was right, i was right, right?

 **j-wooz** : me trying to decipher that last text:

 **j-wooz** : 

**united kingdom** : that's...... not entirely correct

 **united kingdom** : i only apologized twice

 **j-wooz** : how were you ever popular if this is how you make friends?

 **united kingdom** : i swear i'm usually way better at it than this

 **j-wooz** : you definitely weren't such a tragic failure when i first met you

 **j-wooz** : it only took 3 days for us to become lifelong best friends

 **tentastic** : that's bc you're a hoe for love and affection and xuxi is the most affectionate person ever

 **united** **kingdom** : can't argue with that

 **tentastic** : but yeah it didn't take you this long to befriend me either

 **united** **kingdom** : haechan is a special case...

 **j-wooz** : you're intimidated by him, huh?

 **united** **kingdom** : yes!! and why is that??

 **united** **kingdom** : he's just a tiny peanut i could lift him with one arm

 **tentastic** : maybe one day you'll figure it out

 **united kingdom** : you're so cryptic

 **tentastic** : i can't give anything away

 **tentastic** : my powers give me knowledge of everything, but my conscience (kun) won't allow me to interfere in mortal affairs

 **united** **kingdom** : how can your conscience prevent you from interfering if he's not talking to you

 **j-wooz** : subtle

 **tentastic** : i told you when i get the chance, i'll talk to him

 **tentastic** : it hasn't happened yet

 **united** **kingdom** : i'm just saying, you could make it happen... all on your own

 **j-wooz** : and didn't you just say "communication is important, i'm ten and i know everything about relationships even tho i've never been in one"?

 **tentastic** : first of all: i definitely only said the first part

 **tentastic** : second of all: i've been in a relationship

 **j-wooz** : this is news to me

 **united kingdom** : you told us like a couple months ago that you had never dated anyone

 **united kingdom** : so unless something has changed since then....

 **tentastic** : i don't tell you guys everything, we've already established that

 **united kingdom** : not telling us everything is different from lying to us

 **tentastic** : lying and secrets go hand in hand

 **tentastic** : we all lied to keep haechan's party a secret

 **j-wooz** : he's got a point there

 **tentastic** : now how about we get back to xuxi and the fact that he just called haechan a tiny peanut

 **united kingdom** : he is tiny...

 **united kingdom** : and don't change the subject!!!

 **united kingdom** : we're talking about why you lied to us

 **tentastic** : you're the one changing the subject!!

 **tentastic** : we were originally talking about me avoiding kun

 **united kingdom** : oh yeah

 **united kingdom** : wait

 **united kingdom** : you're just trying to trick us into dropping the relationship thing

 **tentastic** : or am i reverse psychology-ing you into dropping the kun thing and staying on the topic of relationships?

 **tentastic** : or am i reverse reverse psychology-ing you into thinking i want you to think that i want you to drop the kun thing?

 **tentastic** : that way you'll think that i actually want to drop the kun thing so you'll go back to that and drop the relationship thing

 **tentastic** : which is what i wanted all along

 **j-wooz** : wow

 **united kingdom** : my brain hurts

 **united kingdom** : i don't speak korean well enough to figure out what any of that means

 **j-wooz** : i don't think i speak korean well enough to figure out what it means either

 **united kingdom** : but here's the thing: human beings can have more than one conversation

 **united kingdom** : we can talk about both

 **tentastic** : and what if i don't reply??

 **united kingdom** : i'll punch you in the head

 **united kingdom** : where are you??

 **tentastic** : and why, pray tell, would i give you that information? 

 **united kingdom** : jungwoo where is he?

 **j-wooz** : last i knew he was hiding in the bathtub at the 127 dorms

 **tentastic** : as if i haven't moved since then

 **tentastic** : i'll have you know, i've already relocated to somewhere you'll never find me

 **united kingdom** : so.... still in the bathtub?? got it!

 **united kingdom** : on my way to fuck you up

 **tentastic** : no!! i'm not here

 **tentastic** : *there

 **tentastic** : why can't you let me ignore my problems in peace??

 **tentastic** : okay fine, i don't like talking about my personal life and having serious emotions and shit

 **j-wooz** : so that's why you lied?

 **tentastic** : yes,,

 **united kingdom** : that's alright, but you can say that, you know?

 **united kingdom** : you're allowed to tell us if you don't want to talk about something

 **united kingdom** : and if we keep bugging you, it's okay to tell us to fuck off

 **tentastic** : well then,,,, regarding my relationships,,,,

 **united kingdom** : yeah?

 **tentastic** : fuck off

 **j-wooz** : you should've seen that coming

 **united kingdom** : message received

 **tentastic** : and i'm gonna go talk to kun right now so please don't come beat me up

 **united kingdom** : never even got up off the couch

 **tentastic** : i hate you

 

 

 

**4:19 PM**

 

**ten, kun**

 

 

 **ten** : hey, can you meet me back at our dorm in a few minutes?

 **ten** : i wanna talk

 **ten** : and i'm sorry for avoiding you all day

 **kun** : It's alright. I wasn't exactly proactive in trying to talk to you either

 **kun** : And I'll be there in 5

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a little shorter than the length i usually aim for, but it felt better to end it there than try to smush on something unrelated to make it longer. also i just realized this is like the first time im not posting a chapter at 1 am lol  
> thank you for reading and sorry for the wait!!
> 
> [tumblr](https://jmnth.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/jinkuhns) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jinkuhns)


	7. How to: Embarass Your Son (A Johnny Seo Story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the wait, i have shit time management skills
> 
> so anyways, this takes place on the same day as the last two chapters and you might be asking yourself "how does she successfully pull off stretching one day into three chapters?" and one might argue that i don't (this also means that it's like june 7 but shhhhh, this fic exists in a universe where time has no meaning)

 

 

**4:02 PM**

**Millenium Babies**

 

 **Haytch** : why do you all hate me??

 **Jae Walker** : how do we hate you?

 **Jae Walker** : we did this for your benefit

 **Haytch** : forcing me to sit on the love seat with xuxi is not gonna benefit me in anyway

 **Injoonie** : not if you stay on your phone the whole time

 **Haytch** : he's also on his phone

 **Haytch** : and i don't know what you think is gonna happen

 **Haytch** : he's not gonna magically fall in love with me because we watched a movie in the general vicinity of one another

 **Jenofer Lopez** : you guys could touch hands while reaching for the popcorn

 **Haytch** : i have no popcorn

 **Jae Walker** : you could hide your face in his chest during the scary parts

 **Haytch** : of dreamworks how to train your dragon???

 **Injoonie** : maybe he'll do that fake yawn stretch that jaemin does to me all the time

 **Haytch** : i don't know what world you people are living in but these are date occurences!!

 **Haytch** : we aren't there yet

 **Jae Walker** : wait, renjun you know about that???

 **Injoonie** : yes because i've seen a high school romcom before

 **Injoonie** : and you're not covert about it at all

 **Jae Walker** : yet you never stop me ;)))

 **Injoonie** : bc i like to cuddle during movies and no one else is offering

 **Jae Walker** : that stings a bit but i'm okay with that

 **Jenofer Lopez** : i'll cuddle you, renjun

 **Jae Walker** : hey, back off!!

 **Injoonie** : i mean you both can idc

 **Haytch** : aw, i wanna get in on that

 **Haytch** : quad cuddle!! :(

 **Injoonie** : no.

 **Jae Walker** : cuddle xuxi

 **Haytch** : date. occurence.

 **Haytch** : we're not even at friendship occurrences yet

 **Jenofer Lopez** : what about earlier when he grabbed ur ass??

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : what kind of occurence was that?

 **Jae Walker** : woah woah woah, hold the front door

 **Jae** **Walker** : xuxi did what now???

 **Jae Walker** : are we gonna have to fight??

 **Injoonie** : xuxi would snap you in half in 3 seconds

 **Jae Walker** : you'd be surprised, i'm pretty wily

 **Injoonie** : okay, 5 seconds

 **Jae Walker** : i'll fight him right now to prove i could last longer than that

 **Haytch** : please do not fight him, you would definitely get snapped

 **Haytch** : and he did it on accident when we were playing Hide & Seek ( **©** Astro, 2016)

 **Jae Walker** : okay, we won't fight

 **Jae Walker** : but i'm watching him

 **Jae Walker** : like a hawk

 **Injoonie** : *overprotective jaemin has entered the chat*

 **Haytch** : okay you don't literally have to glare at him

 **Haytch** : ur gonna freak him out

 **Haytch** : jaemin

 **Haytch** : stop it!!

 **Haytch** : don't ruin this for me!!!!

 **Injoonie** : ruin what?

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : yeah

 **Injoonie** : i thought you said nothing was gonna happen...

 **Jenofer Lopez** : there's no benefit to sitting next to him on the couch....

 **Injoonie** : date occurences...

 **Jenofer Lopez** : not there yet...

 **Injoonie** : hmmmmm...

 **Jenofer Lopez** : hmmmmmmmm..

 **Haytch** : stop ganging up on me

 **Haytch** : and fine. maybe i like being in close proximity to him

 **Haytch** : he's a very warm person

 **Haytch** : like physically

 **Haytch** : it comforts me

 **Haytch** : and he smells like calvin klein's obsession

 **Injoonie** : wrong. he smells like a combination of gingerbread and a forest with like a hint of citrus

 **Haytch** : yeah so calvin klein's obsession..

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : that is kinda what it smells like

 **Injoonie** : how dare you betray me like this

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : that's what it smells like!!

 **Injoonie** : no it's not

 **Haytch** : my dad uses it, i think i would know

 **Injoonie** : you don't

 **Haytch** : so like... what do you use your nose for bc it's def not smelling?

 **Injoonie** : you piece of dick

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : if you guys would just ask him what cologne he uses, this wouldn't even be an issue

 **Haytch** : ur right

 **Haytch** : so, renjun, you can go ahead and ask

 **Injoonie** : why can't you ask?

 **Injoonie** : are you afraid?

 **Haytch** : I'm Not Afraid ( **©** Holland, 2018)

 **Haytch** : i can ask him

 

**4:27 PM**

  

 **Injoonie** : you've just been staring at you're phone for 10 min....

 **Injoonie** : have you even texted him yet?

 **Haytch** : I'm So Afraid ( **©** Holland, 2018)

 **Jenofer Lopez** : do you need help?

 **Haytch** : no! i can do it on my own

 **Haytch** : i just need a second to think of a cute way to start the conversation

 

 

 

**4:30 PM**

 

**donghyuck, xuxi**

 

 

 **donghyuck** : hello, friend, it is i

 **xuxi** : hi!!

 **donghyuck** : i have a quick question

 **xuxi** : well i might have a quick answer

 **donghyuck** : :/

 **xuxi** : thanks for also making that face at me in real life

 **donghyuck** : ...so my question

 **xuxi** : right! go ahead

 **donghyuck** : what cologne do you wear?

 **xuxi** : what? do i smell bad??

 **donghyuck** : no! you smell great!

 **donghyuck** : i just wanted to know what it was bc it smells familiar

 **xuxi** : obsession by calvin klein

 **xuxi** : my dad wears it so i kind of picked it up from him

 **xuxi** : and the smell reminds me of home so i've been wearing it more often when i'm homesick

 **donghyuck** : my dad wears it too!!

 **donghyuck** : and i totally get what you mean

 **donghyuck** : i have blankets from home that i sleep with when i miss my family

 **donghyuck** : it's just like a little reminder of home and it makes being away just a little bit easier

 **xuxi** : exactly!

 **xuxi** : so since you asked me a question, can i ask you a question?

 **donghyuck** : of course

 **xuxi** : why is jaemin glaring at me?

 **xuxi** : he's been doing it for at least 5 min

 **donghyuck** : idk maybe he zoned out and doesn't realize he's looking at you?

 **xuxi** : i made eye contact earlier and he pretended to slice his neck

 **xuxi** : wait, he just stopped

 **xuxi** : i'm so confused

 **donghyuck** : maybe one day you'll understand

 **xuxi** : why do people keep saying that to me?

 **donghyuck** : ....maybe one day you'll understand

 **xuxi** : don't ever speak to me again.

 

 

 

**4:36  PM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 

 **Haytch** : 1) i was right

 **Haytch** : 2) i overshared, but what's new

 **Haytch** : 3) i was right

 **Injoonie** : idk what ur talking about

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : he means that xuxi does wear obsession

 **Injoonie** : i can't read suddenly

 **Jenofer Lopez** : oh, i see, this is sarcasm

 **Haytch** :

**Injoonie** : how do you keep doing this?

 **Haytch** : i have every possible meme generator open at all times on my phone

 **Haytch** : also what is jaemin doing?

 **Haytch** : he stopped glaring at xuxi and he's on his phone but he's not here

 **Injoonie** : he's texting someone else, idk who it is bc the contact is just a string of emojis

 **Jae Walker** : we have a situation

 **Jae Walker** : i repeat: we have a situation

 **Jenofer Lopez** : perfect timing

 **Haytch** : are you done texting your little emoji friend??

 **Jae Walker** : hwat does this mean

 **Haytch** : renjun looked at your phone to see what you were doing bc you weren't texting us :(

 **Injoonie** : hey! don't sell me out like that

 **Haytch** : you should have just admitted i was right

 **Jae Walker** : no, both of you shut up, this is more important

 **Jae Walker** : my emoji friend is mark, he just texted and he's on his way over

 **Jenofer Lopez** : oh?

 **Jenofer Lopez** : he texted you?

 **Injoonie** : did you want him to text you instead or...?

 **Jenofer Lopez** : no, i meant he texted jaemin and not haechan

 **Haytch** : he's probably upset that i bailed on cleaning

 **Haytch** : wait, sorry, "not upset, just disappointed"

 **Jae Walker** : will you people focus???

 **Injoonie** : oh "you people"?

 **Haytch** : excuse me??

 **Jenofer Lopez** : i've never been so insulted

 **Haytch** : after all we've done for you..

 **Jae Walker** : why am i the only one taking this seriously? this is unprecedented

 **Haytch** : did you steal jisung's word of the day calendar??

 **Jenofer Lopez** : maybe he bought his own

 **Jae Walker** : just for 1 second pretend you care

 **Injoonie** : okay, mark is coming over, what possible ramifications of that are there?

 **Haytch** : ramifications?? i-

 **Jenofer Lopez** : damn, looks like someone else has a word of the day calendar

 **Jae Walker** : honestly it's not worth it anymore

 **Haytch** : wait actually now i'm curious

 **Injoonie** : come on, jaemin, you have to tell us

 **Jae Walker** : no bc now i've made it into a Big Thing and when i tell you you're just gonna be like "so?"

 **Injoonie** : but if you keep denying us it'll just make it an even bigger thing when we get it out of you

 **Injoonie** : and we will get it out of you

 **Haytch** : that was highkey a threat

 **Jae Walker** : fine. if mark comes over to watch the movie, the only place for him to sit is on the love seat

  **Haytch** : so?

 **Injoonie** : so?

 **Jenofer Lopez** : so?

 **Jae Walker** : ....wow

 **Jae Walker** : he's gonna monopolize all of xuxi's time and make it harder for you to talk to him

 **Haytch** : ok, we're not writing an academic paper, can we stop with the unnecessarily large words? 

 **Injoonie** : weren't you just glaring at him not 5 minutes ago??

 **Jae Walker** : yeah, but that was mostly for show, it doesn't mean i wanna ruin haechan's Chance of Love ( **©** TVXQ, 2018)

 **Haytch** : ok well........

 **Haytch** : 1) we're watching a movie and have plans to watch another movie so i won't really get a chance at love anyway

 **Haytch** : 2) even if i did, mark is my moral support and he would only make me feel more at ease

 **Haytch** : 3) it's The Chance of Love ( **©**  TVXQ, 2018) if ur gonna reference a song, do it right

 **Jae Walker** : oh my b

 **Jae Walker** : but what if mark tries to sabotage you and keep xuxi for himself?

 **Haytch** : i'm on a list kick so:

 **Haytch** : 1) this is real life not some teen drama show

 **Haytch** : 2) mark doesn't even like xuxi like that

 **Injoonie** : how do you know?

 **Haytch** : because i know everything

 **Jenofer Lopez** : ok but is it bc he likes someone else or...?

 **Haytch** : we are not talking about mark's love life

 **Jae Walker** : everybody ssshhhh he's here!!

 **Injoonie** : this is a text conversation...

 **Jae Walker** : shhh

 **Injoonie** : ok bye ig

 

 

 

**5:23 PM**

 

**mark, donghyuck**

 

 **mark** : so you were here the entire time?

 **donghyuck** : where else would i be? bc i definitely wasn't gonna stick around and clean

 **donghyuck** : the only thing i've ever cleaned is ur clock, bitch

 **mark** : ummm you always do your chores before taeyong even asks you so...

 **mark** : and ur a pacifist??

 **donghyuck** : shhhh i'm trying to look cool

 **mark** : in front of who?? im the only one here

 **donghyuck** : the nsa, mark

 **donghyuck** : they're monitoring this conversation

 **mark** : i highly doubt that

 **donghyuck** : wake up mark, big brother is always watching

 **mark** : is this like your titanic conspiracy theory?

 **donghyuck** : THE PORTHOLES ARE DIFFERENT!!!

 **donghyuck** : but no this isn't like that, the government totally spies on everything we do

 **mark** : why would they spy on you? all you do is text us and google shirtless pics of bm

 **donghyuck** : .....the nsa is a thirsty girl?

 **donghyuck** : anyways, haven't you ever googled something and then got an ad for it on like youtube or something??

 **donghyuck** : they're tracking your searches to sell you things, so how much more difficult could it be to look at everything else on your phone?

 **mark** : oh my god

 **donghyuck** : are you finally seeing the light??

 **mark** : oh my god

 **donghyuck** : do you believe me about the titanic now?

 **mark** : i wouldnt go that far

 **donghyuck** : renjun is the only one i can rely on in this house

 **mark** : because he has as much tin foil on his head as you do

 **donghyuck** : i do not believe in aliens tho!!!

 **donghyuck** : i only believe in things that can be proved

 **mark** : so no ghosts?

 **donghyuck** : oh ghosts are 100% real

 **mark** : ...

 **mark** : mark has left the chat

 **donghyuck** : that's fine i don't even love you

 **mark** : what? yes you do

 **donghyuck** : .......yeah i do :( but that doesn't mean i don't wish i didn't

 **mark** : ouch, dude

 

 

 

**5:45 PM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 **Jae Walker** : hyuck, are you texting him?

 **Injoonie** : what happened to sshhhhhhh?

 **Jae Walker** : the shush was lifted after mark got situated

 **Haytch** : yes, i'm texting him

 **Haytch** : and it's so strange.... he literally just told me that he came here to seduce xuxi and that he can't let me have him??

 **Haytch** : i can't believe i trusted him ugh

 **Jae Walker** : ok well there's no need for sarcasm

 **Haytch** : he's literally just grumpy about cleaning, which is exactly what i said

 **Haytch** : also, even if mark liked xuxi there's nothing i could do bc they're both their own people who can choose to like whomever they like

 **Injoonie** : oh he said WHOMever

 **Jenofer Lopez** : this is sewious

 **Jae Walker** : sorry, sometimes i get a little carried away

 **Injoonie** : a little?

 **Jae Walker** : hey

 **Haytch** : sometimes?

 **Jae Walker** : hey!!

 **Jenofer Lopez** : carried away??

 **Jae Walker** : jeno.....

 

 

 

**7:08 PM**

 

**ncity #6**

 

 **just lele** : what time is dinner? i'm hungry

 **tyongie** : we ordered a bunch of chicken 15 min ago

 **tyongie** : we'll let you know when it's here

 **just lele** : jisung can't eat chicken, that's cannibalism

 **godjisung** : i most certainly can and will partake in any and all chicken

 **full son** : partake...

 **taeilasoldastime** : you know what they say about cannibals,,,

 **taeilasoldastime** : they are what they eat!

 **ten-der love** : get out of my house

 **yourmother** : This isn't a house and you don't live here.

 **ten-der love** : do you wanna mcfreakin go??

 **smallncutejungwoo** : no fighting in front of the baby!

 **smallncutejungwoo** : it's me i'm the baby

 **JohnnyBGood** : but really, who do we think would win in a fight between doyoung and ten?? my money is on ten

 **tyongie** : don't start that

 **just lele** : doyoung

 **JenOhNo** : ten

 **wingwing** : ten

 **NiNaNa** : doyoung

 **mork** : ten

 **smallncutejungwoo** : doyoung

 **teethboi** : doyoung

 **taeilasoldastime** : doyoung

 **full son** : doyoung

 **ten-der love** : all you who said doyoung better be prepared to die.

 **ten-der love** : how could he possibly beat me?? i'm scrappy and agile as heck

 **godjisung** : but you forget that doyoung is made up of 98% rage

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : and what about the other 2%

 **godjisung** : milk fat

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** :

 

 **yourmother** : At most, I'm 95% rage

 **yourmother** : But i could probably beat ten

 **ten-der love** : ok then let's take this outside

 **notyourmother** : You are not fighting Doyoung. We're about to eat dinner.

 **JohnnyBGood** : i kinda wanna see them fight

 **tyongie** : are you really encouraging this??

 **JohnnyBGood** : .........no

 **JohnnyBGood** : guys, no fighting!! just come get ready for dinner

 **mork** :

 

 **full son** : if the court could please review the evidence, they would find that the defendant is, in fact, whipped

 **mork** : mine was more succinct

 **full son** : all right this is just ridiculous

 **JenOhNo** : r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s

 **just lele** : (r-i-d-i-c-u-l-o-u-s)

 **JenOhNo** : thanks

 **just lele** : no prob

 **teethboi** : chicken is here! first come first served!!!

 **yourmother** : That is not what we're doing

 **yourmother** : Everyone gets an equal opportunity for chicken

 **just lele** : do we have to eat there?

 **tyongie** : you can take the food back to your own dorms but please do not go wandering around the building with a plate of chicken

 **just lele** : well there goes my evening plans..

 

 

 

**9:57 PM**

**CHAIN (boo boo bee boo) REACTION**

 

 **john-claude van damme** : haechan, mark, are you guys coming home?

 ***red flavor sfx*** : chenle told us to spend the night at the dream dorm

 **yutasenpai** : here it comes

 **yutasenpai** : aNd If ChEnLe ToLd YoU tO jUmP oFf A bRiDgE, wOuLd YoU????

 **panicked tae** : okay, i've only used that line once

 **panicked tae** : but seriously, mark, you don't always have to listen to chenle

 ***red flavor sfx*** : i know but were building a giant blanket fort in the living room

 **american boi** : and how old are you?

 ***red flavor sfx*** : ur never to old for a blanket fort bro

 **gongmyung's brother** : Do you guys have pajamas? Or a toothbrush??

 ***red flavor sfx*** : uhhhhh

 **gongmyung's brother** : So that's a no

 ***red flavor sfx*** : its like a 5 min walk

 ***red flavor sfx*** : we can just come get stuff

 **john-claude van damme** : ooh, no let me bring you what you need!!

 ***red flavor sfx*** : are you gonna do one of your embarassing dad things again?

 **john-claude van damme** : it's.... possible

 ***red flavor sfx*** : no thanks i can get my own things

 **john-claude van damme** : what if i only do it to haechan?

 ***red flavor sfx*** : i guess thats fine

 **john-claude van damme** : wait, he's not secretly reading this, is he?

 ***red flavor sfx*** : no him and jeno rolled themselves up like burritos and no one wants to help them out

 **john-claude van damme** : cool so what do you sleep with? what color is your toothbrush? where do you keep your pajamas?

 ***red flavor sfx*** : pillow red top drawer of my dresser

 **perfect angel** : mark, sometimes it's okay to use punctuation

 ***red flavor sfx*** : sorry

 **john-claude van damme** : ok, same questions but about haechan

 **american boi** : blue blanket and a stuffed animal, purple, second drawer from the bottom

 **perfect angel** : look how easy to read that was

 **american boi** : thanks bro

 **john-claude van damme** : just like,, any stuffed animal? bc he has a lot

 **american boi** : yeah, he switches them out all the time because he doesn't want them to think he has favorites

 **john-claude van damme** : ok i'm on my way!!

 

 

 

**10:12 PM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 **Jae Walker** : yo, why did johnny do you like that?

 **Haytch** : i don't know!!!

 **Injoonie** : i'm still laughing

 **Jenofer Lopez** : aw what did i miss?? i just went to the bathroom for 2 minutes!

 **Jae Walker** : for some reason he came in acting like an overprepared parent dropping their kid off at their first sleepover

 **Jae Walker** : i thought he was gonna whip out a list of emergency contact numbers and haechan's allergies

 **Haytch** : he brought me and mark some clothes and stuff and he just handed mark his shit and moved on

 **Haytch** : meanwhile he's spouting untrue things about me and putting all of my business on display

 **Injoonie** : he said "i brought an extra pair of underwear because you've been having those accidents lately"

 **Jenofer Lopez** : oh dang

 **Jae Walker** : he also brought you an ugly goofy doll that he said you couldn't sleep without

 **Haytch** : he's not ugly!! and i don't need that specific stuffed animal to sleep, it could be anything

 **Injoonie** : oh, i see, this is the one xuxi got you for your birthday

 **Injoonie** : that's why you were so embarrassed by it

 **Haytch** : my life is literally ruined!! he thinks i'm a gross creep who needs stuffed animals to go to bed

 **Jenofer Lopez** : technically that last part is true, but you're life isn't ruined

 **Jae Walker** : yeah, nobody ever believes johnny, he probably know it was a joke

 **Haytch** : but just in case, i'm gonna not look at him directly in the eyes for the rest of time

 

 

 

**11:01 PM**

 

**xuxi, donghyuck**

 

 **xuxi** : earlier, when i said never speak to me again, i didn't mean it literally

 **donghyuck** : i'm sorry! i just,,, idk

 **xuxi** : if it's because you're embarrassed, you shouldn't be

 **xuxi** : my little brother has the same issue sometimes

 **xuxi** : it's not something you can control, but he says it helps to stop drinking at around 6 or 7

 **xuxi** : fuck i shouldn't have said that

 **xuxi** : if you ever meet him, please don't tell him i told you that

 **donghyuck** : oh my god i won't say anything but i also don't have that issue

 **donghyuck** : everything johnny said was just to embarass me

 **xuxi** : why would he do that?

 **donghyuck** : bc it's funny and, if i weren't the target for this joke, i might've even laughed about it

 **xuxi** : oh

 **xuxi** : now that i think about it, i don't know why i just believed it so easily, sorry

 **donghyuck** : it's fine, thanks for actually trying to be helpful though instead of making fun of me

 **donghyuck** : i can still hear everyone else laughing

 **xuxi** : but now that i know it's fake..... it is kinda funny

 **xuxi** : i thought johnny was actually worried, but he did all that just to fuck with you??

 **xuxi** : brilliant!

 **donghyuck** : ....i'm going to bed

 **xuxi** : don't forget to snuggle up to my goofy doll ;)

 **donghyuck** : he wasn't being serious!!

 **xuxi** : but you're still holding it aren't you?

 **donghyuck** : don't ever speak to me again, and i do mean it literally

  **xuxi** : goodnight~

 **donghyuck** : ......goodnight

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fsakladjfjs i haven't smelled obsession since i was like 13 so don't @ me if this isn't accurate, also i had to retype my keysmash bc i accidentally spelled salad in the middle  
> also also i don't know why i'm going all in on this "donghyuck is a pacifist" thing but i can't seem to stop myself  
> and a 3rd also: it is approximately 42am so if this is really fu king weird thats why, i'll probably wake up in the morning and regret this but yolo or whatever
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](https://jmnth.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/jinkuhns) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jinkuhns)


	8. How to: Observe the Eff Out of Something Before Almost Everybody Else (A Zhong Chenle Story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look at me, less than a month later and im back babey!!
> 
>  
> 
> uhm, word key that's not really important, but just so no one gets confused: *********** = matchmaking

 

 

**8:14 AM**

 

**ncity #6**

 

 **smallncutejungwoo**  changed  **yourmother** 's nickname to  **jungwoo's beaux**

 **smallncutejungwoo**  changed their nickname to  **doyoung's heaux**

 

 **doyoung's heaux** : good morning everyone uwu

 **jungwoo's beaux** : I don't remember agreeing to that nickname

 **jungwoo's beaux** : Also the x makes it plural

 **doyoung's heaux** : what.

 **jungwoo's beaux** :

**doyoung's**   **heaux** : oh

 **doyoung's heaux** : but heau looks weird and i want us to have cute couple names :(

 

 **jungwoo's beaux**  changed their nickname to  **do**

 **do**  changed  **doyoung's heaux** 's nickname to  **woo**

 

 **do** : There. We have couple names, and it fits your "minimalist aesthetic"

 **woo** : you remembered

 **woo** :

**ten-der love** : oh

 **ten-der love** : i didn't realize you were gonna do it so soon

 **ten-der love** : you didn't even tell me

 **woo** : but ur still happy for me, right?

 **ten-der love** : yes of course!! it just caught me off guard

 **woo** : yay uwu

 **godjisung** : what,,,,,,, exactly,,,,, is happening here?

 **woo** : i asked doyoung to marry me and he said yes!

 **NiNaNa** : dolly pardon me?

 **tyongie** : you what??

 **do** : He asked me to be his boyfriend..

 **do** : Why would you think I'd agree to a marriage proposal?

 **tyongie** : honestly? knowing how much you like jungwoo, i wouldn't have put it past you

 **woo** : awww, you like me?

 **do** : Obviously, if I agreed to date you

 **woo** : ur cute

 **do** : .....ur cuter

 **just lele** : wait, is this real life?

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : yeah, did you two really actually finally man up and admit your feelings for each other?

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : or is this some elaborate prank?

 **taeilasoldastime** : you could've phrased that better :/

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : how? what's wrong with it?

 **teethboi** : the phrase "man up" often implies that being a man is equivalent to being tough and emotionless

 **teethboi** : this creates a hyper-masculine ideal that can be difficult and/or impossible to live up to and can have damaging effects on a man's mental health and self-esteem

 **teethboi** : not to mention the fact that it reinforces the sexist notion that man = strong and woman = weak

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : wow, ur right. i'm so sorry, it was a very poor choice of words

 **taeilasoldastime** :

**just lele** : okay, now that jaehyun is a better person, can we get back to jungwoo and doyoung??

 **NiNaNa** : yes, let's get back to this

 **NiNaNa** : how did you confess? was it super awkward?

 **tyongie** : it's doyoung and jungwoo, how could that  not be awkward?

 **woo** : hey!

 **woo** : ur right but shut up about it

 **woo** : and it wasn't really a confession in the traditional sense or even a declaration, for that matter

 **woo** : we just had an open and honest discussion about how we felt about each other

 **NiNaNa** : boooo

 **NiNaNa** : where's the drama? the grand gestures? the elaborate planning?

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : did you even give him anything? like chocolates or flowers?

 **godjisung** : did you guys like,,,,,,,,,,,, kiss?

 **Run Junie Run** : oh my god jisung are you five years old?

 **woo** : no, i told you, we just talked

 **woo** : and we didn't kiss, we're still trying to ease our way into this relationship thing

 **NiNaNa** : aw what??

 **just lele** : bo-ring

 **JohnnyBGood** : hey quit being jerks and let jungwoo have his moment

 **JohnnyBGood** : not everyone wants the same things as you

 **do** : Jungwoo, don't let them make you feel bad, I thought it was perfect

 **woo** : <3

 **do** : <3

 **godjisung** : gross

 **woo** : u can't ruin this for me, this is my moment

 

 

 

**8:20 AM**

 

**dream is a fixed unit in my heart**

 

 **musicstarchenle** : sooooo....doyoung and jungwoo?? did you guys see that coming??

 **MoominLoveBot** : yes

 **a-hyuck** : yes

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : yes

 **godjisung** : yes

 **Marky Mark** : yes

 **jaem** : look, even mark saw that coming

 **jaem** : mark didn't even notice that i hung a 36x54 inch poster of a fish on his wall until last week

 **jaem** : i did it 2 months ago

 **Marky Mark** : to be fair its on a wall that i dont really ever look at

 **jaem** : its 4 walls mark!! how do you not look at one??

 **Marky Mark** : hang on chenle is the one who didn't even know jungwoo and doyoung liked each other

 **Marky Mark** : make fun of him!

 **musicstarchenle** : listen, it's not my fault that i'm oblivious!!

 **musicstarchenle** : not everyone is up in people's business 24/7

 **a-hyuck** : ur the KING of being up in people's business, u hate when we keep things from you

 **musicstarchenle** : okay well...

 **MoominLoveBot** : it's fine, we get it, you don't have good observational skills

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : it's why you always lose at clue

 **musicstarchenle** : one day i'll win!! and one day i'll observe the eff out of something before everybody else

 **Marky Mark** : what does this mean??

 **musicstarchenle** : it means i'm watching all of you

 **JenoFromTheBlock** :

 

 

 

**9:15 AM**

 

**◇ten's declassified real world survival guide◇**

 

 **baby duck** : ...so what's the real story??

 **junguwu** : i was nervous and shaky and my hands were sweating and when he kissed me on the forehead i almost passed out

 **baby duck** : sounds more like it

 **baby duck** : wait he kissed you on the forehead???

 **fearless leader** : why did you say you didn't kiss?

 **junguwu** : i didn't want to be teased about it

 **fearless leader** : well, we won't tease you

 **baby duck** : yeah

 **baby duck** : besides, i think it's cute

 **junguwu** : thanks

 **junguwu** : i'm just so happy!!! i feel like my heart is gonna burst

 **junguwu** : i also just feel so relieved, like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders

 **fearless leader** : i know that feeling

 **junguwu** : oh? in what context do you know that feeling?

 **junguwu** : maybe.... in the context of apologizing to kun??

 **fearless leader** : jungwoo,,,, why

 **baby duck** : apologize for what? what did you do to kun?

 **fearless leader** : we had a bit of a lover's quarrel yesterday

 **baby duck** : and here i thought you had the perfect relationship

 **fearless leader** : but it's been resolved so there's no need to worry

 **junguwu** : lol imagine if they were actually dating

 **fearless leader** : why is that funny?

 **baby duck** : ur two very different ppl

 **baby duck** : kun is all about talking about your feelings and ur all about not having them

 **junguwu** : ur always turned up to 11 while kun daily averages about a 2

 **fearless leader** : ok well rude

 **fearless leader** : and maybe we would meet in the middle and end up a perfect couple

 **fearless leader** : maybe we would combine to form a baseline of 6.5

 **junguwu** : you really need to get an actual boyfriend if ur seriously trying to talk yourself into dating kun

 **fearless leader** : i'm not talking myself into dating kun i'm just saying,,

 **fearless leader** : sometimes two people who you didn't think would be a good combination end up being the perfect combination

 **fearless leader** : so don't judge a book by its cover and whatnot

 **baby duck** : wow, you almost got to some legitimate life lessons there

 **baby duck** : is this groupchat finally being used for its intended purpose?

 **junguwu** : please, this was always just for shit talking and gossip

 **fearless leader** : no, i initially intended for it to be used if you guys ever needed advice

 **fearless leader** : ....but i can't say i dislike the gossip

 **junguwu** : okay then advise me on this: how do i date doyoung in this environment?

 **baby duck** : lmao bringing the topic back to you

 **junguwu** : yes! this is my moment!!

 **junguwu** : honestly if anyone does anything even slightly more than noteworthy in the next 3-5 business days i'll be smad

 **junguwu** : it would be like getting engaged at my wedding

 **baby duck** : oh so i should hold off on breaking any world records then??

 **junguwu** : yes, now back to my question,,,, ten? any thoughts??

 **fearless leader** : i mean have an at-home movie date

 **fearless leader** : that's like the only thing you can do here

 **fearless leader** : or if you wanted to go out somewhere just take a couple other people and pretend it's a group of friends thing

 **fearless leader** : i would be happy to third wheel it if you want

 **junguwu** : aw this is so sweet but i'm immediately suspicious

 **junguwu** : what ulterior motives do you have??

 **fearless leader** : maybe i'll let you know in 3-5 business days

 **junguwu** : ah yes, a perfectly reasonable thing to say in order to stop suspicion

 

 

 

**9:39 AM**

 

**ten, kun**

 

 **ten** : heyyyy,,,,

 **kun** : You can wait a couple days longer

 **ten** : are you sure? i swear this isn't me trying to put off telling them, i just don't wanna take the focus away from doyoung and jungwoo

 **kun** : Yeah, let jungwoo have his moment

 **ten** : thanks, ur p cool <3

 **kun** :

**ten** : im upset that i ever showed you memes

 

 

 

**10:21 AM**

 

**CHAIN (boo boo bee boo) REACTION**

 

 **john-claude van damme** : so doyoung,, this is like a big step

 **gongmyung's brother** : Is this supposed to be encouraging? Or guilt trippy?? What's the message?

 **john-claude van damme** : no! just,,, obviously you and jungwoo liked each other but like,,,

 **john-claude van damme** : how does it feel having everything out in the open now?

 **gongmyung's brother** : Ah, I see

 **yutasenpai** : i see too

 **american boi** : i think we all see

 **perfect angel** : i don't...

 **perfect angel** : oh

 **american boi** : taeil just whispered it to him

 **american boi** : also just found out taeil doesn't know how to whisper

 **half moon** : i can't find that pic of the crying cat but just know that that's how i feel rn

 **perfect angel** : here it is

 **perfect angel** :

**half moon** : no no no no no no

 **gongmyung's brother** : To answer your question, Johnald: I feel excited, relieved, happy, kinda nervous, and a little bit invincible

 **gongmyung's brother** : So, if you ever wanna feel any combination of those emotions, you know what to do

 **yutasenpai** : or you know what to let someone else do to you, which is what doyoung actually did

 **gongmyung's brother** : But I still had to tell him I liked him back! I didn't do nothing 

 **yutasenpai** : congratulations on not doing nothing, ur mother must be very proud

 **panicked tae** : what is this conversation even about??

 **john-claude van damme** : nothing!

 **gongmyung's brother** : Love

 **yutasenpai** : Cowardice.

 **gongmyung's brother** : Bullying.

 **yutasenpai** : Apologies

 **gongmyung's brother** : Forgiveness

 **yutasenpai** : Love Again

 **panicked tae** : great, glad we cleared that up..

 **american boi** : okay but... johnald??

 

 

 

**4:19 PM**

 

**dream is a fixed unit in my heart**

 

 **musicstarchenle** : have you guys ever noticed that lucas eats a lot of food?

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : are you just gonna tell us everything you notice from now on?

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : also, yes, we all already knew that

 **musicstarchenle** : or that lucas calls himself lucas, but most of us call him xuxi??

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : now ur just staring at xuxi and stating facts you know about him

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : and these aren't new realizations or observations tho, they prove nothing

 **musicstarchenle** : see! you called him xuxi

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : it's like you didn't even try to listen..

 **Marky Mark** : almost like how donghyuck calls himself donghyuck but most of us call him haechan

 **a-hyuck** : but it's different bc that's my REAL NAME

 **godjisung** : plot twist: we start calling him yukhei

 **godjisung** : xuxi, not haechan, it would be weird if we called haechan yukhei

 **musicstarchenle** : oh right, that is his name

 **MoominLoveBot** : oh my god

 **MoominLoveBot** : hold on, i need to check something

 **MoominLoveBot** : chenle, did you know johnny and taeyong have crushes on each other?

 **jaem** : he has to know that

 **musicstarchenle** : the y whta?

 **jaem** : i stand corrected

 **MoominLoveBot** : it's just as i feared,,, chenle has boo boo the fool syndrome

 **a-hyuck** : no one says that anymore

 **MoominLoveBot** : yes they do

 **jaem** : just because you stop saying something doesn't mean the rest of the world does

 **musicstarchenle** : wait, pause

 **musicstarchenle** :

**Marky Mark** : guys i'm really concerned about chenle 

 

 

 

**4:57 PM**

 

**chenle, haechan**

 

 **chenle** : ***** ** ****ei?

 **haechan** : i'm sorry?

 **chenle** : i know your secret

 **chenle** : you have a crush on yukhei aka xuxi aka lucas

 **haechan** : um,,,,

 **chenle** : oh my god i just realized how threatening that sounds, but i'm not gonna tell anyone i promise

 **chenle** : ..if it is true

 **chenle** : i guess i could be wrong

 **chenle** : just don't say anything if i'm right

 **chenle** : but then i would know...

 **chenle** : don't say anything whether i'm right or wrong

 **haechan** : oh my god

 **chenle** : what does that mean??

 **haechan** : you're right, okay

 **haechan** : i,,,,,,, like xuxi

 **chenle** : oh seriously??

 **chenle** : haha!! i did it!

 **chenle** : wow this is the greatest moment of my life!!!!!

 **chenle** : oh hang on i just got an idea

 

 

 

**5:04 PM**

 

**dream is a fixed unit in my heart**

 

 **musicstarchenle**  has added  **cool-hand lucas**  to the chat

 

 **jaem** : chenle,,,,, what are you doing??

 **musicstarchenle** : ***********

 **jaem** : alright, carry on

 **MoominLoveBot** : you understood that?

 **jaem** : nope

 **musicstarchenle** : anyways lucas said it's his life goal to be in the nct dream chat and i love making dreams come true

 **musicstarchenle** : plus the other day he said he would give me 2 whole bucks if i did so....

 **cool-hand lucas** : annyeonghaseyo successful fan-imnida

 **jaem** : kick him out.

 

 

 

**5:13 PM**

 

**haechan, chenle**

 

 **haechan** : chenle,, what

 **chenle** : listen i'm getting you a man, from now on just call me cupid

 **chenle** : plus lucas actually did say he would give me 2 bucks and i love money

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bruh i literally had to screenshot and crop the definition of beaux then upload it on a different website just so i could make that joke bc ao3 doesn't have on-site hosting
> 
> and, if you were wondering, yes i did paraphrase a teen wolf quote
> 
> thank you for reading <3  
> [tumblr](https://jmnth.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/jinkuhns) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jinkuhns)


	9. How to: Host a Game Show (A Kim Dongyoung Story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is purely self indulgent bs bc my friend said smth real dumb about coffee prince so i went out of my way to include it in this fic
> 
> new usernames and gc in this chapter:
> 
> drama club  
> jungwoo: junghyun's #1 fan  
> jeno: j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo  
> donghyuck: hey! chan  
> mark: meghan markle  
> chenle: absolute ledge  
> jaehyun: *5sos voice* valentine  
> yuta: bitchpunk

 

 

 

**7:43 PM**

 

**ten, kun**

 

 **ten** : how do you feel about tomorrow?

 **kun** : Well, it hasn't happened yet, so I can't be sure, but i feel like it's gonna be a pretty great day

 **ten** : shut up you know what i mean

 **kun** : It's only been five business days. Do we think Jungwoo is actually over it or was he underselling?

 **ten** : listen, i know that you're just fishing for reassurance, but i'm gonna give it to you anyway:

 **ten** : i think it doesn't matter if jungwoo is over it bc i'm ready now, and ik you've been ready for a while

 **ten** : so, again, how do you feel about tomorrow?

 **kun** : Tomorrow is perfect.

 **ten** : great! bc i'm so tired of watching jungwoo n doyoung get to be cute together

 **ten** : i want us to be cute together :(

 **kun** : This is such a big change from literally a week ago

 **ten** : because a week ago i was being dumb

 **ten** : but now i've realized the error of my ways

 **kun** : You weren't dumb.

 **ten** : ......

 **kun** : Okay, maybe you were a little dumb, but we both were.

 **kun** : If we would have just talked to each other, we could've saved ourselves a lot of unnecessary drama.

 **ten** : but we've moved past that and now we're gonna fight dowoo for the cutest couple title

 **kun** : Alright?

 **ten** : tomorrow, we have to turn the sappiness all the way up

 **ten** : you should like,,, hold my hand and shit

 **kun** : "Hold my hand and shit," how romantic

 **ten** : you know me, i'm a regular the dude ryan gosling played in the notebook

 **kun** : You don't even know his name?

 **ten** : ........no?

 **ten** : should i?

 **kun** : Oh my god.

 **ten** : what if i told you..... i've never actually seen the notebook

 **kun** : Oh my god.

 **kun** : Okay, so we're gonna need to remedy that, immediately. Meet me in my room in five minutes.

 **ten** : can we hold hands and shit?

 **kun** : If you pay attention, maybe I'll even let you lean your head on my shoulder.

 **ten** :

 

 **kun** :

 

 

 

**7:56 PM**

**jungwookim** added **hey! chan, absolute ledge, meghan markle, *5sos voice* valentine, j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo,** and 1 other to the group

 **jungwookim** changed the group name to **drama club**

 **jungwookim** changed their nickname to **junghyun's #1 fan**

 

 **hey! chan** : back off!!

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : i can have junghyun! you already called that creepy dude with the big eyes!!

 **hey! chan** : park solomon is not creepy!

 **absolute ledge** : so you like solomon? that's interesting..

 **hey! chan** : no it's not....

 ***5sos voice* valentine** : if we're calling people, i call gongmyung

 **absolute ledge** : you can have him

 ***5sos voice* valentine** : wow, tell us how you really feel

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : we're not calling ppl

 **j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo** : so you typed out all these js, huh?

 **j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo** : and for what??

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : it's a vine reference, i thought you of all people would get it :(

 **meghan markle** : honestly this is the worst nickname ive ever had

 **junghyun's #1 fan** :

**junghyun's #1 fan** : listen, i lovingly selected all of these nicknames just for you guys

 **bitchpunk** : okay so then i have a question about mine

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : fine i lied, i went with the first things that popped into my head

 **bitchpunk** : and why did you make this gc?

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : well, my dear yuta, i have gathered you all here today because i'm in the mood to discuss dramas

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : and ten left me to hang out with kun so,,,, entertain me

 **j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo** : how??

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : idk tell me ur favorite dramas and what you like abt them go

 **absolute ledge** : i like reply 1997?

 **absolute ledge** : i mean obviously it has its problems, but nostalgia for a time when i wasn't even born yet? sign me up

 **absolute ledge** : and i love my tiny gay son, joonhee

 ***5sos voice* valentine** : isn't hoya like ten years older then you?

 **absolute ledge** :

***5sos voice* valentine** : nothing, nothing at all

 **j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo** : what if i said....

 **hey! chan** : click your heart, we know

 **j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo** : click your heart

 **j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo** : wait, how did you type that faster than me?

 **hey! chan** : magic

 **j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo** : it's just such an interesting concept and it's like,,, sf9

 **bitchpunk** : please, for the love of god, watch something else

 **j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo** : okay well i also like signal

 **bitchpunk** : i meant something without a member of sf9 in it

 **j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo** : my fantasy heart won't let me

 **bitchpunk** : anyways, i really like age of youth

 **bitchpunk** : the acting is incredible and the writing does a good job of giving all of the characters their own storyline and allowing them to grow without ever feeling disingenuous

 **bitchpunk** : plus the fact that it has an all female main cast is amazing

 ***5sos voice* valentine** : um i was gonna say i like laughter in waikiki bc it's funny but now that feels inadequate

 **bitchpunk** : do we really support shows that have an entire episode based around a fart joke?

 **j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo** : yeah..

 **absolute ledge** : yeah

 **meghan markle** : yeah

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : yep

 **hey! chan** : yes

 **bitchpunk** : okay...

 **hey! chan** : so mark and i both like boys over flowers but for different reasons

 **hey! chan** : i like it bc it's so awful that it makes me laugh, and mark genuinely believes it's the peak of korean television

 **meghan markle** : its a good show!

 **hey! chan** : ok

 **meghan markle** : sure there are some parts that dont make sense but overall its good

 **hey! chan** : you sound more like ur trying to convince yourself

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : so.... is anyone gonna ask me what my favorite show is?

 **bitchpunk** : Jungwoo, What Is Your Favorite Show?

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : i don't like your tone, but thank you for asking

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : it is the first shop of coffee prince

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : and i like it bc canon omnisexual, choi hankyul, taught me that i can't choose who i fall in love with

 **hey! chan** : omnisexual?

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : he said "i would love you if you were an alien" and that's that on that

 **hey! chan** : yeah okay at first i was just surprised you were using the word, but i've since realized you do not know what it means

 **hey! chan** : real life omnisexual, yuta, please tell jungwoo why he's wrong

 **bitchpunk** : being omnisexual doesn't have anything to do with aliens wtf

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : then what does it mean?

 **bitchpunk** : it's very similar to pansexual, tbh i only chose it over pan bc it makes me sound powerful

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : that is true, as soon as haechan said it, i felt slightly more intimidated by you

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : okay but then where in the world did i get aliens from?

 **j-j-j-j-j-j-j-j-jenoooo** : i have a very serious question: do you watch.... doctor who?

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : oh shit captain jack

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : my bad

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : wait so then what category includes aliens?

 **hey! chan** : ......

 **junghyun's #1 fan** : never mind!! don't say anything!!!!!!

 

 

 

**8:41 PM**

 

**chenle, haechan**

 

 **chenle** : so you have a type?

 **haechan** : um, no i don't

 **chenle** : right, right, of course not

 **chenle** :

**haechan** : they don't even look that similar

 **chenle** : sure, totally

 **chenle** : just curious, how do you feel about......... minho?

 **haechan** : i will hit you

 **chenle** : nah, you won't

 **haechan** : goodbye.

 **chenle** : bye ;)

 

 

 

**8:44 PM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 **Haytch** : why

 **Jenofer Lopez** : why what?

 **Haytch** : why did chenle have to figure it out and why did i have to confirm

 **Haytch** : why couldn't i just take this secret to my grave

 **Haytch** : and why does my neck feel hot and my back hurt

 **Jae Walker** : okay, we're just gonna table those last two bc they seem unrelated..

 **Jae Walker** : what did chenle do now?

 **Jenofer Lopez** : is this about the solomon thing?

 **Injoonie** : who's solomon?

 **Haytch** : chenle is insinuating that i have a type bc i like an actor who looks not dissimilar to xuxi

 **Haytch** : and he had the audacity to ask me if i also liked minho

 **Haytch** : which is, like, yeah fair point bc i did have a crush on him when i was like 14 but who didn't?

 **Jae Walker** : bro, types are bullshit and it's literally 3 moderately attractive people so of course you like them

 **Haytch** : ....

 **Injoonie** : he's trying to say that he appreciates what you said, but he's also offended that you called xuxi moderately attractive

 **Haytch** : yes, thank you for translating

 **Jae Walker** : i was averaging it out, i'm sure there are people who don't think he's that cute

 **Haytch** : who??? i don't believe that

 **Injoonie** : yeah even i can admit he's attractive and i don't even like him that much

 **Jae Walker** : oh, you think hes attractive, too?

 **Jae Walker** : so on a scale from 1 to 10, where is he?

 **Injoonie** : i already know where this is going but,,,,, 8

 **Jae Walker** : and what about me?

 **Injoonie** : wow. how did i know.

 **Injoonie** : -34

 **Jae Walker** : what?? why?

 **Injoonie** : the fact that you asked me to rate you automatically makes you a negative, and 34 is just bc i like the number 34

 **Jenofer Lopez** : this is a weird ranking system

 **Jenofer Lopez** : what about hyuck?

 **Injoonie** : donghyuck is a 10 bc he gets me and getting me is cute

 **Haytch** : nice

 **Jenofer Lopez** : now, hyuck, you return the favor

 **Haytch** : ....and what about jeno?

 **Injoonie** : cheating the system? 9.5, i like that shit

 **Jenofer Lopez** : dang, that's more than i expected

 **Jae Walker** : this is baloney, i'm cuter than a bug in a rug

 **Injoonie** : wrong expression but that was adorable so i'll bump you up to 0

 **Jae Walker** :

**Jae Walker** : ..........okay

 

 

 

**8:57 PM**

 

**donghyuck, renjun**

 

 **donghyuck** : so he's an 11 right?

 **renjun** : oh, without a doubt

 **renjun** : but i'm not about to feed his ego

 **donghyuck** : smart

 **donghyuck** : and jeno....?

 **renjun** : is like 100 okay leave me alone

 

 

 

**9:00 PM**

 

**jungwoo, doyoung**

 

 **jungwoo** : hey

 **doyoung** : Hey

 **jungwoo** : how goes it?

 **doyoung** : Really? That's what you're going with?

 **jungwoo** : yes, i would like to lock in my answer, jeff

 **doyoung** : Alright, for $50,000, let's see if you're right...

 **doyoung** : Show me "how goes it"!

 **doyoung** :

**doyoung** : You are the weakest link, goodbye.

 **jungwoo** : that was so many different game shows

 **jungwoo** : and what do you mean i'm the weakest link??

 **jungwoo** : that was a cute and casual conversation starter!

 **doyoung** : Ooh, sorry, that is not a match. Would you like to phone a friend?

 **jungwoo** : i'll take "one more game show reference and i'm breaking up with you" for $300, alex

 **doyoung** : And I'm done

 **doyoung** : So, what's up, buttercup?

 **jungwoo** : askdflsgfh you can't just drop a buttercup on me and expect me to be okay

 **doyoung** : Sorry, what's new with you......... Kim Jungwoo?

 **jungwoo** : ...too formal

 **doyoung** : How's this: what did you need,,,,, sweetheart?

 **jungwoo** : beatiful. great. amazing. i can't breathe. fantastic

 **jungwoo** : and i wanted to ask if you would like to watch a movie with me?

 **jungwoo** : ten left so we can do it in my room

 **doyoung** : I'd love to

 **doyoung** : Is there anything I should bring?

 **jungwoo** : popcorn!

 **doyoung** : Ok

 **jungwoo** : and the laptop

 **doyoung** : Alright

 **jungwoo** : and a movie..

 **doyoung** : :|

 **doyoung** : I'll be there in a few. I'm picking the movie

 **jungwoo** : wait, quick question, but when you found out yuta was omnisexual, were you more, less, or equally intimidated by him?

 **doyoung** : What?

 **jungwoo** : never mind

 

 

 

**9:09 PM**

 

**CHAIN (boo boo bee boo) REACTION**

 

 **gongmyung's brother** : Where is the laptop with the disc drive?

 ***red flavor sfx** *: um im using it im working on my mixtape

 **american boi** : why would you need a disc drive for that?

 **perfect angel** : are you gonna make copies yourself?

 **yutasenpai** : and are you finished? like, do you need to burn a disc right now?

 **john-claude van damme** : why wouldn't you just use soundcloud like every other rapper?

 ***red flavor sfx*** : okay fine im playing virtual candyland

 **gongmyung's brother** : We have the board game, though?

 **yutasenpai** : also why do you have virtual candyland? that's loser behavior, mark

 ***red flavor sfx*** : one time i checked out a book from the library and it was in the book

 ***red flavor sfx*** : if it's free i'm not a loser

 **yutasenpai** :

**gongmyung's brother** : But why can't you use the board game?

 ***red flavor sfx*** : no one would play with me

 **gongmyung's brother** : Someone play candyland with mark so that I can have the laptop

 **perfect angel** : i'll play, but only if it's monopoly

 **gongmyung's brother** : He just said candyland? Why would he want to play monopoly?

 ***red flavor sfx*** : deal

 **gongmyung's brother** : Okay, I guess?? Don't look a gift horse in the mouth or whatever

 **half moon** : why do you need the laptop so badly?

 **gongmyung's brother** : Jungwoo wants to watch a movie with me

 **gongmyung's brother** : He said Ten left, so we were gonna watch it in his room

 **half moon** :

**gongmyung's brother** : Ideally, maybe a little something, but I'm in no rush

 **panicked tae** : dongyoung!!

 **john-claude van damme** : don't forget to wrap it bebefore you tap it

 **panicked tae** : youngho!!!!

 **fullsun** :

 

 

 

 **12:27**   **AM**

 

**dream is a fixed unit in my heart**

 

 **cool-hand lucas** : good evening

 **jaem** : it's morning..

 **musicstarchenle** : hello, friend! what brings you to the neighborhood?

 **jaem** : chenle, pls

 **cool-hand lucas** : well, i'm glad you asked

 **cool-hand lucas** : i can't sleep and i'm not allowed to watch tv so i'm very bored

 **jaem** : it's midnight thirty, put on some water sounds and go to bed

 **MoominLoveBot** : wait, why can't you watch tv?

 **cool-hand lucas** : um, i'm like, lightly grounded or whatever bc i didn't clean my room

 **MoominLoveBot** : still? just pick your fucking clothes up it's not that hard

 **cool-hand lucas** : okay well it's clean now but i'm already in trouble bc i didn't do it 2 months ago when i was asked

 **Marky Mark** : but wouldnt that be kuns fault?

 **musicstarchenle** : why would it be kun's fault that xuxi didn't clean his room?

 

 

 

**12:33 AM**

 

**xuxi, mark**

 

 **xuxi** :

 

 

 

**12:34 AM**

 

**dream is a fixed unit in my heart**

 

 **Marky Mark** : haha whoops i meant wouldnt it also be kuns fault if your room wasnt clean?

 **cool-hand lucas** : no, mark, you silly billy, it's just my half of the room that isn't clean

 **Marky Mark** : oh ok that makes more sense

 **cool-hand lucas** : well i think i will try those water sounds now, good night

 

 

 

**12:36 AM**

 

**mark, xuxi**

 

 **mark** : bro what was that all about

 **mark** : i thougt kun had to clean your side of the room because he lost the bet

 **mark** : unless.......

 **xuxi** : okay, fine..

 **mark** : he forgot and you were covering for him

 **mark** : wait what were you gonna say?

 **xuxi** : exactly what you said, haha i was covering for him

 **mark** : oh well that was nice of you

 **xuxi** : yeah kun's a good kid, i'm just looking out for him

 **mark** : haha ok then good night bro

 **xuxi** : sleep tight bro

 **mark** : don't let the bedbugs bite bro

 

 

 

**12:39 AM**

 

**renjun, xuxi**

 

 **renjun** : so i don't know if you know this but,,,

 **renjun** : mark only uses the word whoops when he's lying

 **renjun** :

 

 **xuxi** : that was the truth, he just got a little confused

 **renjun** : you're a terrible liar

 **renjun** : i can smell your fear through the phone

 **xuxi** : fine. i wanted to know why haechan wasn't texting me back one morning so i asked mark what time he woke up and pretended me and kun had a bet about it

 **xuxi** : kun "lost" the "bet" and as "punishment" had to "clean" my "room" so "mark" was confused why i was being punished for something kun was "supposed" to "do"

 **xuxi** : just realized i put quotes around mark's name when i didn't need to

 **renjun** : you put quotes around a lot of things you didn't need to

 **renjun** : so why did you want to know why haechan hadn't texted you back so badly?

 **xuxi** : bc he's great and funny and small and i wanted to be his friend

 **renjun** : wanted? past tense? do you not wanna be his friend anymore?

 **xuxi** : no! i just meant that i feel like me n haechan are friends now, or at least acquaintances

 **xuxi** : we text sometimes

 **renjun** : well, good, i'm happy for you

 **xuxi** : thanks!!

 **renjun** : okay my curiosity is satisfied, go to bed

 **xuxi** : good night

 

 

 

**12:45 AM**

 

**renjun, donghyuck**

 

 **renjun** : hello, please explain

 **renjun** : [image attached]

 

 

 

 

> **xuxi** : no! i just meant that i feel like me n haechan are friends now, or at least acquaintances
> 
> **xuxi** : we text sometimes

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> jungwoo stans 5sos you can't change my mind, and when doyoung said "a little something" he meant holding hands lmao  
> also i just want to clarify that everyone knows yutas sexuality jungwoo just forgot until they said smth so it's not like he outed yuta to doyoung idk i just wanna make that clear so no one feels uncomfy  
> also 1 more thing: pan and omnisexual are p similar in definition and (ive been told but like feel free to call me out if its wrong) can basically be used interchangeably so when yuta says he "chose" it, it means he chose one term over the other and not that he chose his sexuality (again, i just wanted to clarify so i don't hurt or offend anyone)  
> also, like, i have headcanons abt everyones sexuality in this fic if anyone is ever interested lol
> 
> [tumblr](https://jmnth.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/jinkuhns) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jinkuhns)


	10. How to: Make an Announcement (A Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul Story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhhh shoutout to anyone who stuck with me for this long  
> also this takes place the saturday after taeil's birthday fjskfjsk
> 
> love doctors  
> chenle: zhong chenle, ld  
> jaemin: registered love nurse  
> renjun: love practitioner  
> jeno: midwife
> 
> birthday emergency (these are p self explanatory but just in case)  
> taeyong: tylee  
> johnny: JohnSuh  
> yuta: Nakamoto  
> dongyoung: KimDongyoung  
> winwin: dongsicheng  
> jungwoo: jungwookim  
> mark: mlee99  
> jeno: leejen00  
> jaemin: najaem  
> chenle: chenlez  
> jisung: jisungpwark

 

 

 

 

**9:25 AM**

 

**love doctors**

 

 

 **zhong chenle, l.d.** : so what's the plan for today?

 **love practitioner** : the same thing as yesterday and all the days before it: nothing

 **zhong chenle, l.d.** : when i made this gc, i thought this would be more fun

 **zhong chenle, l.d.** : i thought i would get to do more scheming

 **zhong chenle, l.d.** : how can i be cupid if you guys won't let me have any arrows?

 **love practitioner** : we're trying to let donghyuck do this on his own

 **zhong chenle, l.d.** : but that's gonna take forever :(

 **midwife** : it won't! just look at all the progress they've made in the last couple weeks

 **zhong chenle, l.d.** : yeah, they have awkward, stilted conversations whenever they have to be around each other for more than 10 minutes..

 **zhong chenle, l.d.** : i wanna step it up, get them used to each other's company

 **love practitioner** : and how do you propose we do that?

 **zhong chenle, l.d.** : well, idk i haven't got that far yet

 **registered love nurse** : i hate to say this but.... i kind of agree with chenle

 **love practitioner** : why

 **zhong chenle, l.d.** : yeah, why do you hate to say that?

 **love practitioner** : i meant why the betrayal...

 **zhong chenle, l.d.** : oh so it's betrayal to agree with me?

 **registered love nurse** : what if their progress starts to stagnate if they don't talk for too long

 **registered love nurse** : we could just give them a little nudge

 **registered love nurse** : if not for hyuck then at least for the group dynamics

 **love practitioner** : i'm sure they're doing fine

 **midwife** : and don't they have each other's phone numbers?

 **midwife** : they could have been texting this whole time

 **love practitioner** : yes, that's a very good point, jeno

 **zhong chenle, l.d.** : come on, be realistic, they probably haven't even talked since the sleepover

 

 

 

**9:47 AM**

**xuxi, donghyuck**

 

 

 **xuxi** : good morning!

 **xuxi** : it's time to rise and shine!

 **xuxi** : how did you sleep? all snuggled up with goofy, i presume

 **donghyuck** : i h8 u

 **xuxi** : but i'm right tho

 **donghyuck** : no..

 **xuxi** : ;)

 **xuxi** : ...so how are you on this fine saturday morning?

 **donghyuck** : great. super duper. not bad at all

 **xuxi** : i'm sensing this means not great, not super duper, and.... bad

 **donghyuck** : correct

 **xuxi** : what's wrong?

 **donghyuck** : i have a fever and my throat feels like i swallowed a power sander while it was still on

 **xuxi** : gross how would that even fit in your mouth?

 **xuxi** : never mind

 **xuxi** : have you taken any medicine? do you need anything? soup or hot tea?

 **donghyuck** : i just took some medicine an hour ago and jaehyun is making me soup right now

 **donghyuck** : but thanks for asking

 **xuxi** : ok well i hope you feel better

 **xuxi** :

**donghyuck** : thanks lol

 **xuxi** : and let me know if you need anything

 **donghyuck** : okey dokey

 

 

 

**9:55 AM**

**Millenium Babies**

 

 

 **Haytch** : what hte fuck what t hefc uk

 **Injoonie** : you never answered my question yesterday

 **Injoonie** : actually not really a question more like a demand

 **Haytch** : what..

 **Injoonie** : i wanted you to tell me why i had to hear from xuxi that you guys have been texting each other

 **Jae Walker** : you've been texting him and never told us???

 **Haytch** : look,,,,,

 **Jenofer Lopez** : wait, so i was right?

 **Injoonie** : yep

 **Jae Walker** : and that's why you said we shouldn't do anything?

 **Injoonie** : yep

 **Haytch** : i'm confused

 **Injoonie** : don't worry about it

 **Jae Walker** : continue with your excuses, we're listening

 **Haytch** : ok, it's not an excuse, it's an explanation

 **Haytch** : and it's not like we do it all the time

 **Haytch** : it's mostly just xuxi bragging about what a great gift giver he is and me telling him i hate him

 **Haytch** :

**Haytch** : so back to my what the fuck moment

 **Injoonie** : the floor is yours

 **Haytch** : i woke up sick this morning, and i was telling xuxi about it and he was being nice and like worrying about me (which is !!!)

 **Haytch** : he even sent me a virtual get well soon card, and we just had an all around cute moment 

 **Haytch** : but then he said let him know if i need anything and i responded....... okey dokey

 **Jenofer Lopez** : wow

 **Jenofer Lopez** :

**Jae Walker** : are we just gonna gloss over the fact that haechan is sick?

 **Jae Walker** : i mean, a part of me wants to be like 'get fucked, dude'

 **Jae Walker** : but the other part wants to wrap you in a blanket and spoon feed you soup

 **Haytch** : i'm good, thanks

 **Jae Walker** : option one it is :(

 **Injoonie** : so what is the severity of your sickness? what are the symptoms?

 **Haytch** : i just have the usual: fever, runny nose, sore throat, etc

 **Haytch** : and i just feel gross like,,,,,, real icky

 **Injoonie** : okay, that's fine. you're still allowed to be in my presence

 **Haytch** : gee, thanks

 **Jae Walker** : wait! if ur sick,,,,,,, and xuxi is grounded,,,,,,,,,,,

 **Jenofer Lopez** : then who's flying the plane??

 **Haytch** : xuxi is grounded?

 **Injoonie** : he said all of this last night, check your messages once in a while

 **Haytch** : you know i keep my phone in my hand at all times so that joke doesn't even work

 **Haytch** : the only reason i didn't see it is bc i went to bed early since i didn't feel good :((((

 **Haytch** : so why is xuxi grounded?

 **Jae Walker** : bc he didn't clean his room for,,,,, several months

 **Jae Walker** : but my point is

 **Jae Walker** : ;-)

 **Haytch** : i have no idea what that means 

 **Jae Walker** : Donghyuck didn't know what his incredibly handsome friend was talking about. He couldn't see the possibilities that his sickness provided.

 **Jae Walker** : II was only later that he would realize... there was nothing common... about this cold

 **Jenofer Lopez** :

 

 

 

**3:04 PM**

**ncity #6**

 

 

 **ten-der love** : i have an announcement to make, can we have like a family meeting or whatever

 **teethboi** : if this is gonna be like that time you called us all together to tell us you found a suspicious mole on your back then save it

 **ten-der love** : it's not like that at all

 **wingwing** : didn't that turn out to be a piece of chocolate?

 **ten-der love** : yes but if I hadn't called the family meeting, i never would have known

 **tyongie** : i still don't understand how you got chocolate on your back

 **notyourmother** : he sleeps shirtless and eats candy in bed

 **ten-der love** : ssshhhhh!!

 **teethboi** : well is this announcement important for all of us or just you?

 **ten-der love** : all? probably? mostly me..

 **tyongie** : and is it good news or bad news?

 **ten-der love** : good?

 **do** : is this a time sensitive announcement? 

 **ten-der love** : not really, but i'd prefer to do it sooner rather than later

 **JohnnyBGood** : then why not just text us?

 

 

 

**3:26 PM**

**ten, kun**

 

 

 **ten** :

**kun** : Large emotion

 

 

 

**3:28 PM**

**ncity #6**

 

 

 **ten-der love** : bc i wanna tell you in person

 **JohnnyBGood** : currently you can't physically tell us in person

 **ten-der love** : why not?

 **JohnnyBGood** : haechan is sick and taeyong is overly concerned so no one goes in or out until he finishes disinfecting everything

 **teethboi** : so we're stuck in here, defenseless against a possibly deadly disease

 **full son** : it's a cold...

 **tyongie** : i can't let you leave! you could be contaminated

 **teethboi** : i'm a human person not a lab sample

 **tyongie** : whatever, i just don't wanna risk it. the last time one of us got sick, we all ended up getting sick

 **JohnnyBGood** : he's just taking extra precautions,  better safe than sorry

 **teethboi** : you would say that

 **full son** : we don't need all this precaution!

 **full son** : as long as i don't sneeze or cough on my hand and touch anyone's face, i'm pretty sure it'll be fine

 **do** : But what about if you sneeze/cough into the air?

 **JenOhNo** : or on something that someone else touches and then they touch their own face?

 **tyongie** : how about you just don't sneeze or cough at all!!

 **NiNaNa** : yeah, haechan, just stop performing involuntary bodily functions

 **sushi** : couldn't he die??

 **godjisung** : do it.

 **do** : He's not doing that

 **taeilasoldastime** : i say we just kick him out until he's no longer contagious, all in favor say i

 **wingwing** : i

 **godjisung** : i

 **full son** : you don't even live with me

 **mork** : i

 **full son** : mark lee!!!!!

 **mork** : im sorry but i hate getting sick

 **full son** : i see

 **full son** : ngl my heart is hurt, she's wounded

 **just lele** : your heart is a girl?

 **teethboi** : technically, haechan just said i

 **godjisung** : so did you

 **godjisung** : taeil, that's 6 votes, write that down

 **taeilasoldastime** :

**JohnnyBGood** : we're not kicking him out

 **JohnnyBGood** : he just needs to be more careful about spreading germs

 **full son** : i can just carry hand sanitizer and tissues everywhere i go

 **full son** : and vampire cough

 **tyongie** : first of all you should always vampire cough even if you're not sick

 **tyongie** : and second of all you should also probably refrain from touching anyone until you're better

 **full son** : what???

 **full son** : that's like telling a fish not to swim or the sun not to shine or lucky luciano he can't do it to em

 **tyongie** : okay... well, i don't know what the last one means, but you still can't touch anyone

 **tyongie** : we don't want anyone else getting sick

 **full son** : "i don't know what that last one means"???? what kind of father are you??

 **full son** : but also... fine.

 

 

 

**3:43 PM**

**dream is a fixed unit in my heart**

 

 

 **godjisung** : so who do we think haechan is gonna get sick first?

 **godjisung** : i'm kinda leaning toward jaehyun

 **a-hyuck** : bold of you to assume i haven't already coughed all over your pillow

 **godjisung** :

**a-hyuck** : but seriously folks i will not be getting anyone sick

 **a-hyuck** : i won't hug, kiss, shake hands with, breathe on, or talk to anyone until i'm better

 **MoominLoveBot** : oh wow thank goodness

 **a-hyuck** : excuse me??

 **MoominLoveBot** : you heard me

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : not to be skeptical but how long could you keep that up?

 **a-hyuck** : until. i'm. better. the least you could do is pretend to believe in me

 **cool-hand lucas** : i believe in you

 **a-hyuck** : thank you!!

 **a-hyuck** : 

 

 

 

**3:52 PM**

**the love doctors**

 

 

 **zhong chenle, ld** : what was that???

 **zhong chenle, ld** : since when are they so casual???

 **registered love nurse** : oh haven't you heard?

 **registered love nurse** : they've been ~texting~

 **midwife** : so you guys don't need to do anything anymore

 **registered love nurse** : no, we're still doin something

 **love practitioner** : why

 **registered love nurse** : because we need to guarantee that there won't be any regression

 **registered love nurse** : and i have a plan now: dinner

 **love practitioner** : 

 

 **love practitioner** : okay and??

 **registered love nurse** : we convince ten to take us all out for dinner to make his announcement

 **registered love nurse** : since hyuck is sick and xuxi is grounded, they'll both have to stay home

 **love practitioner** : this is all so you won't have to cook, isn't it?

 **registered love nurse** : i can kill 2 birds with 1 stone hush

 **love practitioner** : there are so many problems with that plan tho

 **registered love nurse** : relax, injoonie, your boy's got this

 **love practitioner** : since when are you my boy??

 **zhong chenle, ld** : i would also like to know this

 **midwife** : me too

 **registered love nurse** : as of right now, i just declared it

 **love practitioner** : that's... not how life works

 **love practitioner** : i get a say in this

 **registered love nurse** : i'll bring you food whenever you ask

 **love practitioner** : you already do that try again

 **registered love nurse** : i'll watch alien documentaries with you and i won't laugh

 **love practitioner** : ...jaemin's my boy now

 **zhong chenle, ld** : great. i'm so glad we got that taken care of

 **zhong chenle, ld** : can we get back to the plan?

 **registered love nurse** : right, so here's how it goes...

 **registered love nurse** : *whisper* *hand gestures* *scene of me drawing an oddly ambiguous game plan* *montage of absurd preparations* *success*

 **zhong chenle, ld** :

**registered love nurse** : just let me handle everything, you guys don't have to worry

 

 

 

**4:03 PM**

**jeno, renjun**

 

 

 **jeno** : we worryin?

 **renjun** : big time

 

 

 

**4:12 PM**

**jaemin, ten**

 

 

 **jaemin** : a little birdy told me you have an announcement..

 **ten** : i literally texted it to the group chat

 **jaemin** : okay you were the little birdy

 **jaemin** : i have a proposal for you...

 **ten** : wow, i'm flattered but i'm not ready for marriage yet

 **jaemin** : gross!! not that kind of proposal!

 **ten** : i was joking you dick. why am i gross??

 **jaemin** : gross like i think of you as a friend, ur beautiful, chill

 **ten** : thx

 **ten** : so what was your proposal?

 **jaemin** : picture this: dinner

 **ten** : i'm gonna need a little bit more than that

 **jaemin** : okay,,,, you have an announcement to make

 **jaemin** : instead of calling a boring old family meeting, why don't you take everyone out for dinner

 **jaemin** : then you can stand up and hit your fork against your wineglass and say "you're probably wondering why i've gathered you all here today"

 **ten** : i have always wanted to say that..

 **ten** : but idk if i wanna announce something in a public restaurant

 **jaemin** : we'll go to one of those fancy ones with private rooms

 **ten** : and then i have to pay for it?? no thanks

 **jaemin** : ok what if i convince taeyong that its a family dinner so we should spend family money?

 **ten** : i guess if you could do that.... i'd be up for it

 **jaemin** : great!!

 **ten** : wait, weren't you supposed to cook dinner tonight?

 **jaemin** : i don't recall..

 **ten** : ok i see you

 **ten** : i'm still up for it but i see you

 

 

 

**4:30 PM**

**love doctors**

 

 

 **registered love nurse** : we are a go

 **registered love nurse** : i just need to convince taeyong that this is a family occasion so ten won't have to pay for it all

 **love practitioner** : uhhh good luck with that

 **zhong chenle, ld** : wasn't taeil's birthday a couple days ago? we never did anything for him..

 **registered love nurse** : ur a genius chenle!! i could kiss you

 **zhong chenle, ld** : woah, right in front of your boy?

 **love practitioner** : um he's my boy, i never said i was his

 **registered love nurse** :

**love practitioner:** what? i didn't agree on mutual boyship

 **registered love nurse** : damn

 **registered love nurse** : it's not mutual we haven't discussed it

 **love practitioner** : right now you have probationary boy status

 **love practitioner** : prove yourself worthy and i'll think about letting you apply for the waiting list to make it mutual

 **registered love nurse** : i'm on it like donkey kon-it

 

 

 

**4:38 PM**

**jaemin, taeyong**

 

 

 **jaemin** : soooo, here's the thing

 **taeyong** : ??

 **taeyong** : what thing? 

 **jaemin** : the thing abt why we should go out for dinner tonight

 **taeyong** : okay i'll humor you for a minute

 **taeyong** : why should we go out tonight?

 **jaemin** : two words: taeil's birthday

 **taeyong** : uh oh..

 **jaemin** : yep, that's right uh oh, we never celebrated

 **jaemin** : he's probably sitting on his bed right now and looking at a calendar with the 14th circled and "my birthday!!" written in big red letters while a single tear rolls down his cheek

 **taeyong** : vivid imagery :(

 **jaemin** : so we can go??

 **taeyong** : haechan is sick, i don't want to leave him all alone

 **taeyong** : i guess you guys can go and i'll stay home with him

 **jaemin** : no!!

 **taeyong** : no?

 **jaemin** : isn't xuxi grounded?

 **jaemin** : he should have to stay home and take care of haechan

 **taeyong** : ur right! why should i suffer when he's the one in trouble

 **taeyong** : but.... would haechan really be okay with this?

 **taeyong** : what if he feels left out?

 **jaemin** : he'll be fine

 **taeyong** : maybe i'll ask him just to be sure

 

 

 

**4:46 PM**

**jaemin, donghyuck**

 

 

 **jaemin** : hey uhhhh important!!!

 **jaemin** : taeyong is gonna ask you if you're okay with us going out to eat without you and i need you to say yes

 **donghyuck** : why?

 **jaemin** : remember that time i almost revealed your secret?

 **donghyuck** : vaguely...

 **jaemin** : and remember when i said i would make it up to you?

 **donghyuck** : vaguely...

 **jaemin** : well, in order do that, i need you to say its okay

 **donghyuck** : and you'll bring me leftovers?

 **jaemin** : yes, i will bring you leftovers

 **donghyuck** : kk

 

 

 

**4:51 PM**

**taeyong, jaemin**

 

 

 **taeyong** : he said it was alright

 **taeyong** : i also told xuxi he had to stay and take care of haechan and he was.. oddly okay with it

 **jaemin** : huh

 **jaemin** : weird

 **taeyong** : so should we let taeil pick out the restaurant?

 **jaemin** : no!

 **taeyong** : again with the no, why no??

 **jaemin** : it would tip him off that this was a last minute decision

 **jaemin** : plus i just made a reservation somewhere

 **taeyong** : ...

 **jaemin** : what? i'm not wasting any time

 **taeyong** : you know....

 **taeyong** : being helpful doesn't get you out of cooking

 **jaemin** : how does everyone see right through me??

 

 

 

**4:59 PM**

 

 **tylee**  added **JohnSuh** , **jungwookim** , **mlee99** , **najaem** , **KimDongyoung** and **9**   **others** to the group

 

 **tylee**  changed the group name to **birthday emergency**

 

 

 **tylee** : hello everyone

 **tylee** : we forgot taeil's birthday

 **JohnSuh** : oh shoot

 **leejen00** : we're horrible people

 **Nakamoto** : i didn't forget..

 **najaem** : i forgot but then i remembered earlier today

 **chenlez** : because i told you...

 **tylee** : okay well anyways we're going out to dinner tonight to celebrate but we're gonna act like i didn't just tell you 2 minutes ago

 **jisungpwark** : but that would be lying... and lying is wrong :'(

 **tylee** : do you wanna tell taeil you forgot his birthday?

 **jisungpwark** : no thank you

 **mlee99** : why isnt haechan here?

 **jungwookim** : and lucas

 **tylee** : haechan is staying home because he's sick and xuxi is staying with him because he's grounded

 **mlee99** : oh cool

 **mlee99** : i mean not cool but like

 **mlee99** : aight

 **tylee** : .....ok

 **tylee** : jaemin already made a reservation so that's covered

 **JohnSuh** : he's trying to get out of cooking, huh?

 **najaem** : i-

 **tylee** : so we just need presents

 **leejen00** : what about candles? he likes candles doesn't he?

 **dongsicheng** : please no more candles

 **Nakamoto** : i'm gonna have to second that, he has more candles than any one human could ever go through

 **tylee** : ok then something else..

 **chenlez** : what if we all got him 21 musical cards that play What's New Pussycat? (©?????, 19??)

 **jisungpwark** : and throw in one (1) It's Not Unusual (©Tom Jones, 1965)

 **chenlez** : oh

 **tylee** : what???

 **Nakamoto** : oh that's good, he'll love that

 **Nakamoto** : i'll hate it and winwin will hate it but taeil will think it's the best thing ever

 **tylee** : ok, i guess.

 **chenlez** : great!! someone drive me to the store

 **jisungpwark** : me too!

 **JohnSuh** : i'll get my keys

 

 

 

**5:16 PM**

**ten, jaemin**

 

 

 **ten** : taeil's birthday??

 **jaemin** : yes?

 **ten** : what am i supposed  to do with that?

 **jaemin** : what do you mean?

 **ten** : i can't make my announcement now!!

 **jaemin** : why not?

 **ten** : it's someone else's birthday party, i can't make it about me

 **jaemin** : you've never had a problem making things abt you before

 **ten** : well i have a problem now

 **ten** : you have to fix this

 **jaemin** : actually.....

 **jaemin** : my own selfish desires are fulfilled whether you make your announcement or not, so i don't have to fix anything

 **ten** : you shittin me, kid??

 **jaemin** :

**ten** : okay fine, from this point on we are sworn enemies

 **ten** : watch your back

 

 

 

**7:55 PM**

**ncity #6**

 

 

 **tyongie** : we're heading out now

 **tyongie** : xuxi: don't make a mess

 **tyongie** : haechan: don't somehow get sicker

 **full son** : i'm fine, that medicine really helped

 **JohnnyBGood** : i can hear you hacking up a lung from outside

 **full son** : yeah, the medicine did nothing and my throat hurts worse than before

 **Run Junie Run** : get xuxi to make you some tea

 **sushi** : i'm on it

 **taeilasoldastime** : i still don't see why we couldn't do this on a later day

 **JohnnyBGood** : no time like the present

 **teethboi** :

 

 

 

**8:07 PM**

**Millenium Babies**

 

 

 **Haytch** : so this was ur plan huh?

 **Haytch** : clever

 **Haytch** : elaborate and messy, but clever

 **Jae Walker** : thx

 **Injoonie** : i'm very surprised he pulled it off

 **Jae Walker** : does this mean you can be my boy now???

 **Injoonie** : maybe..

 **Injoonie** : i'll definitely sit next to you at dinner tho

 **Jae Walker** : my life's dream, finally realized :')

 **Jae Walker** : this plan is a win for both of us, hyuck

 **Haytch** : how is this a win for me? i'll probably sneeze on xuxi and never be able to talk to him again

 **Jenofer Lopez** : ew

 **Jae Walker** : you won't but i don't even think he would care if you did

 **Haytch** : ??

 **Jae Walker** : he seems.... eager to spend time with you

 **Haytch** : stop.

 **Jae Walker** : what? i'm just saying, he's been way too happy to help all day

 **Jae Walker** : that's gotta be somethin

 **Haytch** : it doesn't bc if it does my hopes will be up and my heart will be pounding

 **Haytch** : we are this close to being friends, i can't start freaking out now

 **Injoonie** : because you've been cool as a cucumber prior to this?

 **Jenofer Lopez** : actually i think hyuck has done a pretty good job of concealing and not feeling and not letting them know

 **Haytch** : i can't tell if ur seriously being supportive or if you recently watched frozen

 **Jenofer Lopez** :

**Haytch** : ok well.... thanks

 **Jenofer Lopez** : so just continue with what you've been doing and i'm sure you'll be fine

 **Injoonie** : and always carry tissues with you

 **Haytch** : i've already got 2 boxes sitting next to me on the couch

 **Haytch** : oh and btw i snuck a cockroach into taeil's jacket

 **Haytch** : text me the letter q when he finds it

 **Jenofer Lopez** : .......will do

 

 

 

**8:18 PM**

 

**donghyuck, xuxi**

 

 

 **donghyuck** : can i have lemon tea?

 **xuxi** : with honey or sugar?

 **donghyuck** : honey, do i look like an animal?

 **xuxi** : no, dear, of course you don't

 **donghyuck** : >:(

 **xuxi** : :D

 **xuxi** : do you want anything else besides tea? more soup? sweet potatoes? i heard those are good for when you're sick

 **donghyuck** : no thank you, i'm not that hungry right now

 **xuxi** : alrighty, one tea with honey coming up

 **donghyuck** : thanks

 **xuxi** : so you're just gonna text me all night

 **donghyuck** : ur also texting me...

 **xuxi** : i'm following your lead

 **donghyuck** : if i talk too much it hurts my throat and makes me cough :(

 **xuxi** : oh ok

 **donghyuck** : so you can still talk, i'll just answer in text

 **xuxi** : that's no fun

 **donghyuck** : ok then, by all means, join me in the world of written communication

 **xuxi** : wow

 **donghyuck** : i know, i read it, let's just forget i ever sent it

 **xuxi** : well, i'm just gonna steal something from your fridge and make myself dinner

 **donghyuck** : knock yourself out

 **donghyuck** : but before you go!!

 **donghyuck** : can you put in a movie?

 **xuxi** : of course!

 **xuxi** : what movie?

 **donghyuck** : my fair lady

 **xuxi** : .....

 **donghyuck** : it doesn't raise the effectiveness of your judgement if you also give me a blank stare in real life :(

 **donghyuck** : thank you

 **donghyuck** : and can you also hand me the remote!!

 **donghyuck** : thank you for a 2nd time

 

**8:31 PM**

 

 **xuxi** : i've searched all over this kitchen and there is -2 food

 **donghyuck** : yeah, i forgot, grocery day is tomorrow

 **xuxi** : D:

 **donghyuck** : find something to snack on, ik there's at least chips in there

 **donghyuck** : i'll text mark and see if he'll bring home leftovers

 **xuxi** : tell them to hurry because if i don't eat soon i might just die

 **donghyuck** : (©History, 2015)

 **xuxi** : what?

 **donghyuck** : nothing..

 

 

 

**8:36 PM**

**donghyuck, mark**

 

 

 **donghyuck** : markie poo ♡♡♡

 **mark** : what do you want

 **donghyuck** : what ever do you mean??

 **donghyuck** : all i want is to have a lovely conversation with my best friend and all-around good guy, mark lee

 **mark** : dont start that shit ik when u want something

 **donghyuck** : why are you so grumpy :(

 **mark** : im not grumpy

 **donghyuck** : yes u are

 **donghyuck** : you can't lie to me, i always know what ur feeling

 **mark** : do you?

 **donghyuck** : yes?

 **mark** : ok i am grumpy but its nothing really

 **mark** : sometimes you just get in a mood

 **donghyuck** : i get it

 **donghyuck** : but like,,,, how grumpy are you percentage-wise?

 **donghyuck** : we talkin 25%? 50%??

 **mark** : im probably about 33% grumpy

 **donghyuck** : and is that too high for you to consider bringing me leftovers??

 **mark** : yes

 **donghyuck** : ok ;)

 

 

 

**8:43 PM**

**donghyuck, xuxi**

 

 

 **donghyuck** : he said he wouldn't but i'm almost positive he's lying

 **donghyuck** : if he wasn't, we can share the leftovers jaemin was already bringing me

 **xuxi** : bodacious!

 

 

 

**8:45 PM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 

 **Haytch** : since we've been here, xuxi has used two (2) embarassing slang words so i've more than moved on from the okey dokey fiasco of 9:54 AM

 **Jenofer Lopez** : ....what were they?

 **Haytch** : alrighty and bodacious

 **Jenofer Lopez** : wow i can't believe xuxi is a white surfer dad from the 80s

 **Injoonie** : and how have you been getting along?

 **Jae Walker** : has he spoon-fed you soup?

 **Haytch** : what is your obsession with soup?

 **Jae Walker** : soup is the most romantic of the foods

 **Jenofer Lopez** : this is spaghetti erasure

 **Haytch** : what about pancakes? something about them feels romamtic

 **Haytch** : maybe it's the syrup...

 **Injoonie** : chocolate covered strawberries

 **Haytch** : oh shit u right

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : i concur

 **Jae Walker** : fine. whatever, did he or did he not feed you soup?

 **Haytch** : he did not

 **Haytch** : we've just been watching a movie but it's weird bc we're sitting like a whole couch cushion apart

 **Haytch** : we sat closer than this like a week ago before we even really started texting

 **Jae Walker** : maybe he doesn't want ur sickness

 **Haytch** : possibly..

 **Haytch** : so how's dinner going?

 **Haytch** : is mark sad?

 **Injoonie** : dinner is good except jaemin won't stop trying to hold my hand while i'm eating

 **Jae Walker** : we're mutual boys! i feel like that means hands must be held!!

 **Injoonie** : and now that you mention it, mark does look a little,,, glum

 **Haytch** : yeah :( i texted him earlier and he was in a bad mood but idk what's bothering him

 **Haytch** : he said it was nothing and i don't believe that for a second

 **Jenofer Lopez** : me neither

 **Haytch** : somebody give him a hug from me

 **Haytch** : and by somebody i mean jeno

 **Jenofer Lopez** : thank you for recognizing my hug prowess

 

 

 

**8:54 PM**

 

**renjun, jaemin**

 

 

 **renjun** : so when is ten gonna make his announcement

 **jaemin** : he decided not to bc i basically turned this into taeil's birthday party

 **renjun** : what? but that was the point of planning this dinner

 **jaemin** : no, the point was to get haechan and xuxi alone together and i did that

 **jaemin** : he can do it himself now

 **renjun** : jaemin!!

 **renjun** : so you acted like you wanted to help him and then bailed?

 **jaemin** : yes.......

 **renjun** : Jaemin.

 **jaemin** : .................ok, fine

 **jaemin** : i'll fix this

 

 

 

**8:58 PM**

**jaemin, ten**

 

 

 **jaemin** : tenjamin, look,,,

 **jaemin** : ur announcement was obviously important to you and i ruined it

 **jaemin** : i'm really sorry for hurting you and betraying your trust like that

 **jaemin** : basically i'm just sorry i was a little bit of a dick

 **ten** : you were a lot of a dick

 **jaemin** : that's fair

 **jaemin** : anyways, if you want, i can help you plan an even better announcement

 **jaemin** : and i promise not to be any amount of a dick this time

 **ten** : nah, i have a new plan and it's pretty simple

 **ten** : i can handle it on my own

 **ten** : but thank you for offering and for apologizing

 **jaemin** : so are we still enemies? 

 **ten** : i'll think about it and get back to you

 

 

 

**9:01 PM**

 

**xuxi, donghyuck**

 

 

 **xuxi** : are you done with your tea?

 **donghyuck** : yeah, why?

 **xuxi** : i was gonna go put all the dishes away

 **donghyuck** : how responsible for someone who's grounded for not cleaning his room

 **xuxi** : that's different, i don't live here

 **xuxi** : uh oh

 **donghyuck** : what uh oh? what did you do you walked away for 2 minutes???

 **xuxi** : i was throwing out your gross tissues and i accidentally rubbed my eye

 **donghyuck** : i have a cold, jerk

 **donghyuck** : and now you probably will too :P

 **xuxi** : but i can't get sick from just that right?

 **xuxi** : besides, i drink orange juice every day

 **donghyuck** : only time will tell....

 

 

 

**9:06 PM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 

 **Jae Walker** : all is right with the world

 **Jae Walker** : jeno gave mark a big hug, i got to eat food and hold renjun's hand, and ten is maybe no longer my enemy

 **Haytch** : when was ten ur enemy??

 **Jae Walker** : it's complicated, i'll explain it to you later

 **Jae Walker** : also we're about to leave, and i'm bringing you so much food

 **Haytch** : nice, thx

 **Jenofer Lopez** : q

 **Injoonie** : q

 **Jae Walker** : q!!

 

 

 

**9:08 PM**

**donghyuck, taeil**

 

 

 **donghyuck** : ;)

 **taeil** : how did you do this??

 **taeil** : ur so powerful

 

 

 

**9:09 PM**

 

**donghyuck, xuxi**

 

 

 **donghyuck** : they're on their way home and jaemin is bringing us lots of food

 **xuxi** : does my forehead feel hot to you?

 **donghyuck** : oh my god ur not gonna get sick

 **donghyuck** : and i can't touch ur forehead!!

 **xuxi** : my throat feels kind of scratchy

 **donghyuck** : listen, i promise you will not get sick from that

 **xuxi** : ok, i trust you

 

 

 

**9:12 PM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 

 **Jenofer Lopez** : food's here

 **Haytch** : he trusts me :')

 **Jenofer Lopez** : ok....

 **Injoonie** : he said that?

 **Haytch** : yeah

 **Haytch** : and he also called me dear earlier

 **Haytch** : it was in a joking way but i still died

 **Haytch** : i'm not sure if i'm allowed to come over but we can facetime at 8:30 while jaehyun is in the shower and i can yell quietly with you abt it

 **Injoonie** : i'll pencil you in

 **Haytch** : thanks

 

 

 

**9:16 PM**

 

**mark, donghyuck**

 

 

 **mark** : hey i fully meant to bring you home leftovers but i forgot

 **mark** : im sorry

 **donghyuck** : it's fine, i'm not that hungry and jaemin brought me a little something

 **mark** : oh ok

 **donghyuck** : but just so you know, we will be having a conversation about your grumpiness at some point bc i don't believe you

 **donghyuck** : mark!

 **donghyuck** : don't walk away from me when i'm talking to you!!!!

 **donghyuck** : >:(

 

 

 

 

**10:33 PM**

 

**ncity #6**

 

 

 **ten** : before you all go to bed, i still have an announcement to make...

 **ten** : i'm dating kun, thank you, good night

 **woo** : wait, what???????

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one time my family went out to eat while i was sick and im still bitter  
> and i have a tradition of watching my fair lady whenever im sick so... yeah  
> also ik everyone has probably moved on but,,,, *vanessa hudgens voice* im like really into zepeto right now so if yall wanna be my friend on there my code is RLOR32
> 
>  
> 
> [tumblr](https://jmnth.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/jinkuhns) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jinkuhns)


	11. How to: Be Reunited with Your Long Lost Son (A Nakamoto Yuta Story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is,,,,,,, somethin fam idk
> 
> new gc names  
> updates hoo ha ha  
> donghyuck: britney  
> jaemin: hot body  
> renjun: bugatti  
> chenle: maserati  
> jeno: work bitch

 

 

**5:32 AM**

 

**ncity #6**

 

 **JohnnyBGood** : woah oh my god did he really just drop that bomb and fall asleep??

 **taeilasoldastime** : who are you talking to?

 **taeilasoldastime** : but also: yep

 **woo** : yes!! i can't believe!!

 **taeilasoldastime** : why are you awake?

 **woo** : i couldn't sleep

 **woo** : i tried to make ten talk to me yesterday but he shushed me and said "i'll answer any questions you have in the morning"

 **woo** : so i've just been waiting..

 **JohnnyBGood** : okay well i guess i'll make some coffee for us...

 **woo** : no need

 **woo** : the coffee pot in our dorm is broken so came over here and made some

 **woo** : there's still abt half a pot left

 **JohnnyBGood** : you broke into my house.. made coffee in my pot... then left?

 **woo** : no, i'm still here i'm in the bathroom

 **woo** : and the door was unlocked

 **teethboi** : not that i'm not... loving this but some of us are trying to sleep

 **taeilasoldastime** : sorry!

 **JohnnyBGood** : my b

 **woo** : sorry

 

 

 

**6:47 AM**

 

**jungwoo, ten**

 

 

 **jungwoo** : are you awake yet!!!!!

 **ten** : i'm sorry was that a question?

 **jungwoo** : please i'm dying

 **ten** : fine. what do you want to know?

 **jungwoo** : okay, first of all: did you really talk yourself into dating kun after our conversation the other day?

 **jungwoo** : are you trying to prove a point? bc i got it the first time..

 **ten** : newsflash, asshole!! i've been dating kun for 4 months

 **jungwoo** : oh

 **ten** : so do you actually get it now?

 **jungwoo** : yes i believe i do..

 **jungwoo** : sooooo how did this happen?

 **jungwoo** : i gave you all my deets so you have to give me all your deets

 **ten** : do not try to bring deets back, leave it in the past where it belongs

 **ten** : and idk when i caught feelings it was just like a very gradual thing

 **ten** : i mean we instantly clicked you were there you saw

 **jungwoo** : i did

 **ten** : kun was so sweet but also mysterious and really funny and i wanted to be his best friend

 **jungwoo** : you would describe kun as "really funny"?

 **ten** : shut up he is

 **jungwoo** : ok..

 **ten** : and from there things just changed so slowly that i didn't realize until one day when my eyes were like finally opened or whatever

 **jungwoo** : or whatever

 **ten** : we were.... cuddling.. on the couch and kun was basically holding my hand and i was like oh shit this is real life this is a real event that's happening right now

 **ten** : and so many emotions just started rushing in it was like my brain was just throwing feelings at my heart like catch this! and this! and how about this!

 **ten** : and my heart was just screaming

 **ten** : then i started feeling a weird,,

 **ten** : ugh i hate the word churning but it was a churning that i felt in my stomach

 **jungwoo** : the butterflies yes

 **ten** : and my heart was still screaming then my hand started feeling pre-sweaty so i tried to pull it away

 **jungwoo** : aww :(

 **ten** : but then kun started looking at me weird and i didn't wanna look back at him bc then i would want to do smth dumb like kiss him or have more feelings

 **ten** : except it's very hard to ignore kun his eyes just like bore into ur soul

 **jungwoo** : very true

 **ten** : so i finally looked at him and he was looking at me and we were both looking at each other and like,,, i really did wanna kiss him

 **ten** : and bc he can always read my mind he goes "you wanna kiss me right now, don't you"

 **ten** : so i was like no lmao ur gross bc self preservation obviously

 **jungwoo** : obviously

 **ten** : but he said "it's okay because i wanna kiss you too"

 **jungwoo** : damn

 **ten** : and my brain was like what the fuck!! what the fuck!!! bc he was so confident and i was freaking out which the exact opposite of how i imagined it going

 **jungwoo** : so you had thought abt it!!

 **ten** : maybe a passing thought here or there but but not as a realistic thing that could happen!

 **jungwoo** : so did he kiss you??

 **ten** : i mean yeah

 **ten** : where else would we go from there??

 **jungwoo** : and is kun a good kisser?

 **jungwoo** : idk why but i always had the feeling he'd be bad at it

 **ten** : ok rude

 **ten** : and not that it's any of your business but yeah he is

 **ten** : ok sfaskldfks he's like amazing? idk i've never wanted to break into song after kissing someone but like???

 **ten** : suddenly i had that urge

 **jungwoo** : wow big mood

 **jungwoo** : but the question is: what song?

 **ten** : fhskfks let's hear it for the boy but like,,, the stunners version

 **jungwoo** : good choice but i wouldve preferred the original..

 **jungwoo** : and how is he like,,,, as a partner

 **ten** : he's perfect and wonderful like he always knows what i'm feeling and he's really chill most of the time

 **ten** : it feels effortless being with him

 **ten** : and he keeps doing that magic trick where he pulls a bouquet of flowers out of his sleeve but i still love it every time :')

 **jungwoo** : this is like the mushiest you've ever been

 **ten** : if you ever tell anyone abt this i will kill you

 **jungwoo** : and the moment is gone

 **jungwoo** : can i ask one more question?

 **ten** : go for it ig

 **jungwoo** : when's our double date??

 

 

 

**7:09 AM**

 

**xuxi, donghyuck**

 

 

 **xuxi** : you promised!

 **donghyuck** : what?

 **xuxi** : you promised i wouldn't get sick!!!

 **xuxi** : you lied to me and that's not nice

 **donghyuck** : yelling at ppl at 7 am in the morning is also not nice!!

 **donghyuck** : i'm too tired for this

 **donghyuck** : and i'm still reeling from that bomb ten dropped on us last night

 **xuxi** : that?

 **xuxi** : i already knew that

 **donghyuck** : what? how?

 **xuxi** : i live with them and i'm... i wanna say 'instinctive' about these things so i could kind of tell

 **donghyuck** : intuitive? maybe?

 **xuxi** : yes thank you

 **xuxi** : but then when they had their fight last week that really gave it away

 **donghyuck** : they had a fight???

 **xuxi** : um yeah but it's their private business

 **xuxi** : i can't share anymore

 **donghyuck** : obviously, i wouldn't expect you to

 

 

 

**7:12 AM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 

 **Haytch** : he doesn't like gossip [crush cancelled]

 **Jae Walker** : lmaooo

 

 

 

**7:12 AM**

**donghyuck, xuxi**

 

 

 **donghyuck** : so,,,,,, are you actually blaming me for getting you sick?

 **xuxi** : yes!! it's all ur fault

 **donghyuck** : you picked up my tissues!! i didn't ask for that!!

 **xuxi** : well, i didn't ask to be infected like this but here we are

 **donghyuck** : this is 100% ur fault

 **donghyuck** : take responsibility for your actions

 **xuxi** : okay... i did this to myself... i am responsible..

 **donghyuck** : how mature

 **donghyuck** : ur still blaming me in ur head aren't you?

 **xuxi** : yes!

 **donghyuck** : that's fine.. my conscience is unburdened

 **xuxi** : what do you think taeyong will say??

 **xuxi** : he seemed desperate(?) to keep your cold from spreading

 **xuxi** : but that doesn't sound right

 **donghyuck** : determined? maybe

 **xuxi** : that's the bitch!

 **donghyuck** : i do think desperate also would have worked

 **donghyuck** : and taeyong is gonna idk put us in quarantine or something

 **xuxi** : you really think he would do that??

 **donghyuck** : no lol i'm just being dramatic

 **donghyuck** : but he'll definitely be pissed and blame me

 **donghyuck** : and you can once again take responsibility

 **xuxi** : that rhymed

 **donghyuck** : i didn't mean to!

 **donghyuck** : don't ever tell anyone i did that

 **xuxi** : your secret is safe with me

 

 

  

**8:05 AM**

**ncity #6**

 

 

 **tyongie** : could everyone please make their way to the 127 living room at your earliest convenience

 **tyongie** : and by that i mean now!!

 **tyongie** : please

 **full son** : am i invited?

 **tyongie** : ....yes just.. wear a mask or something

 **woo** : lucas should have to wear a mask too

 **woo** : he's getting sick

 **sushi** : jungwoo!!

 **tyongie** : he's what???

 **tyongie** : haechan!!!

 **full son** : okay this is not my fault, he did this to himself

 **sushi** : it's true i did :(

 **JohnnyBGood** : okay no one else is allowed to get sick

 **JohnnyBGood** : it's forbidden

 **tyongie** : you know what? i'm gonna say it.....

 **tyongie** : quarantine.

 **godjisung** : what a fantastic idea!

 **godjisung** : i'll go get my hazmat suit

 **full son** : oh my god i spoke this into existence

 **do** : Jisung, do you really have a hazmat suit?

 **godjisung** : yes..

 **renjun** : it's fake

 **renjun** : it's his halloween costume for next year

 **just lele** : we're gonna have a couples costume!!

 **teethboi** : you plan that far ahead?

 **do** : Wait, how would you have a couples costume of that?

 **just lele** : i'm gonna make a fake decontamination shower

 **do** : ....Ok no further questions, your honor

 **tyongie** : can we please just have our family meeting now?

 **tyongie** : we can talk about everything then

 **just lele** : good! bc i have some questions abt how to keep the shower cubicle suspended and how to maintain mobility

 **tyongie** : i meant abt everything else not your halloween costume...

 **just lele** : wow

 

 

 

**8:13 AM**

 

**ten, kun**

 

 

 **ten** : am i gonna have to do all of the talking here

 **kun** : :)

 **ten** : fjkdksa u suck

 **kun** : ;)

 **ten** : wow.

 **ten** : this is no time to unleash your inner hoe, i. am. worrying.

 **kun** : You have nothing to worry about. I'm still gonna be with you the entire time. If you get uncomfortable I'm not gonna just leave you hanging.

 **ten** : ur so sweet :'(

 **ten** : i guess it won't be so bad

 **kun** : It won't. 

 **ten** : and maybe if we don't draw attention to ourselves, they won't even ask us anything

 **kun** : I highly doubt that.

 **ten** : a guy can hope..

 

 

 

 

**8:32 AM**

**donghyuck, xuxi**

 

 

 **donghyuck** : i don't appreciate being shoved into a corner like this

 **donghyuck** : ik they don't wanna get sick but this is just mean

 **xuxi** : they didn't even give us the comfortable folding chairs

 **xuxi** : i would've been happier on the floor

 **donghyuck** : mine is broken and it keeps poking me in the back of my thigh

 **xuxi** : do you want to switch?

 **donghyuck** : no, i'm alright

 **xuxi** : do you want a gummy bear?

 **donghyuck** : you brought snacks?

 **xuxi** : i came to be entertained and that requires snacks

 **xuxi** : now do you want one or not?

 **donghyuck** : .....yeah

 **donghyuck** : oh my god i've never seen ten blush so much

 **donghyuck** : this is amazing

 **donghyuck** : i can't believe they were secretly dating for so long

 **xuxi** : i can't believe i suspected from the beginning!

 **donghyuck** : you have a sixth sense

 **xuxi** : i'm just really good at reading people

 **xuxi** : i know about ~body language~

 **donghyuck** : don't ever wink at me again

 **xuxi** : wait why is everyone yelling now?

 **donghyuck** : ten "opened up the floor for questions" like this is some kind of press conference

 **donghyuck** : and they all started talking at once

 **xuxi** : are they using the remote as a talking stick?

 **xuxi** : lmao did chenle just talk into it like a microphone?

 **donghyuck** : it really is a press conference ghdjjs

 

 

 

**9:04 AM**

**renjun, donghyuck**

 

 

 **renjun** : are you having fun?

 **donghyuck** : time of my life

 **donghyuck** : i love sitting in the corner

 **renjun** : i meant with xuxi

 **renjun** : you look awfully... comfy

 **donghyuck** : ummm hwat exactly does this mean

 **renjun** : are you telling me you're not sharing food and giggling together over there?

 **donghyuck** : .....no?

 **renjun** : hello?? this is progress!! you guys are getting closer!!

 **donghyuck** : yes!! ik i see it i'm livin it

 **donghyuck** : we are heckin excited over here, my dude

 **donghyuck** : and by we i mean me and my heart

 **renjun** : as much as i hate to admit it, jaemin actually did something good

 **donghyuck** : i guess but we aren't ever giving him explicit credit for this are we?

 **renjun** : oh god no

 **renjun** : he only gets credit for dinner and that's it

 **donghyuck** : good

 

 

 

**9:10 AM**

 

**xuxi, donghyuck**

 

 

 **xuxi** : they're talking about us

 **donghyuck** : umm do they know we're in the room?

 **xuxi** : hard to tell

 **donghyuck** : i mean obviously they do bc ur gummy bear bag is real loud

 **xuxi** : well ur coughing is loud

 **donghyuck** : ur face is loud

 **xuxi** : ur mom is loud

 **xuxi** : oh shit wait

 **donghyuck** : didn't think that through did you?

 **xuxi** : i'm so sorry

 **xuxi** : stop laughing at me!!

 **donghyuck** : i'm not laughing at you i'm laughing with you

 **xuxi** : but i'm not laughing!!

 **donghyuck** : i'm sorry it's just pretty fucking funny

 **xuxi** : yeah i guess

 **donghyuck** : see? ur laughing too!

 **xuxi** : i really need to think before i do things

 **donghyuck** : oh wait hey can you glare at taeyong?

 **donghyuck** : your eyebrows are more intimidating than mine

 **xuxi** : what? why?

 **donghyuck** : probably because they're fuller? and the angles are sharper? (and bc u fill them in really dark)

 **xuxi** : you know what i mean (and shhhhhh)

 **donghyuck** : he keeps looking at us and i want him to feel like we're up to something

 **xuxi** : oh ok

 **donghyuck** : don't laugh!

 **donghyuck** : that ruins it!

 **xuxi** : sorry!!

 **xuxi** : i need a minute

 **xuxi** : ok i can do this.

 **donghyuck** : ghskfsjk no you cannot apparently

 **donghyuck** : but you tried ur best and that's all that counts

 **xuxi** : thanks :)

 **donghyuck** : hold up, are we done with meeting?

 **donghyuck** : what did they decide? i wasn't listening

 **xuxi** : neither was i!

 **donghyuck** : ugh what good are you

 **xuxi** : *sad tony the tiger voice* i'm grrrrrrrreat. :(

 **xuxi** : and you just said you also didn't listen

 **donghyuck** :

 

 

 

**9:24 AM**

 

**love doctors**

 

 

 **zhong chenle, ld** : what is this???

 **registered love nurse** : are they,,,,, giggling??

 **midwife** : they were sharing food earlier..

 **registered love nurse** : how is hyuck not screaming abt this to us yet?

 **love practitioner** : i did text him earlier and he acted... dismissive

 **midwife** : dismissive how?

 **love practitioner** : like at first he didn't seem like he wanted to scream about it with me

 **love practitioner** : then i finally got him to say something but it didn't feel genuine so i gave him an out and he was more that happy to change the subject

 **registered love nurse** : maybe he was too nervous to say anything with xuxi next to him?

 **midwife** : did you ask him about it?

 **love practitioner** : uhh no

 **love practitioner** : i figured it wasn't the best time

 **love practitioner** : we'll talk to him later

 **zhong chenle, ld** : yeah we will

 **registered love nurse** : chenle...

 **zhong chenle, ld** : oh right

 **zhong chenle, ld** : why can't i be in ur chat again?

 **midwife** : it's the 00 line chat

 **midwife** : adding you would taint it

 **zhong chenle, ld** : ok...

 **registered love nurse** : wow, jeno

 **midwife** : oh my god no!!

 **midwife** : i just meant its where we all talk abt things we only want each other to know and also ur not 00 line

 **midwife** : we could ask hyuck if he's okay with making a new chat with you specifically for xuxi purposes

 **zhong chenle, ld** : ok!

 **zhong chenle, ld** : this is the first time i'm ahead of the curve, i just like being involved

 **registered love nurse** : well we can't guarantee anything, but we'll definitely ask

 **zhong chenle, ld** : yay! thanks

 

 

 

**9:41 AM**

**CHAIN (boo boo bee boo) REACTION**

 

 

 **fullsun** : so like,,,, what's the plan, stan?

 **panickedtae** : were you not listening that whole time??

 **fullsun** : i caught bits and pieces but mostly? ....no

 **halfmoon** : we're shipping you off to antarctica!!!

 **halfmoon** :

**panickedtae** : uh no we're not..

 **panickedtae** : our idea was to have you stay in the u dorms and find room for ten, kun, and jungwoo somewhere else

 **panickedtae** : just for a couple days until you aren't contagious

 **yutasenpai** : bc realistically we can't bubble boy you or constantly keep you disinfected

 **yutasenpai** : but we also can't risk anyone else getting sick

 **fullsun** : oh

 **john-claude van damme** : is that not okay with you? bc we can find another solution

 **john-claude van damme** : we asked if anyone didn't like the idea but no one said anything so we figured it was cool

 **fullsun** : i'm fine with it!!

 **fullsun** : i just feel bad for jungwoo, ten, and kun

 **john-claude van damme** : they said they were okay! and it's only for a few days

 **fullsun** : okey dokey i'm just gonna get some stuff ready then

 **john-claude van damme** : :""""")

 **john-claude van damme** : he takes after his father

 

 

 

**9:50 AM**

**donghyuck, xuxi**

 

 

 **donghyuck** : the plan is quarantine

 **xuxi** : what?

 **xuxi** : oh..

 **xuxi** : wait, what??

 **donghyuck** : i'm gonna stay at the u dorms and jungwoo, ten, and kun are gonna go somewhere else

 **donghyuck** : just for a couple days

 **xuxi** : so are you staying in my room?

 **donghyuck** : uhhh yeah i guess

 **xuxi** : we're gonna be roomies!!

 **xuxi** : nice!

 

 

 

**10:26 AM**

 

**CHAIN (boo boo bee boo) REACTION**

 

 

 **yutasenpai** : so how do we all feel abt tenkun??

 **yutasenpai** : who do we think will be the next relationship?? *eyes emoji*

 **halfmoon** : yeah,,,, who could it be? *eyes emoji*

 **do** : Just use the emoji!!

 **yutasenpai** : i'm to lazy to find it

 **halfmoon** : i did it in solidarity

 **yutasenpai** : thanks fam

 **panickedtae** : there will not be any more couples!! two is more than enough!!!

 **fullsun** :

**american boi** : that was brave

 **fullsun** : shhhhh

 **john-claude van damme** : haechan...

 **fullsun** : gtg byeeee

 **panickedtae** : do i even wanna know what that means??

 **perfect angel** : even i get it..

 **halfmoon** : don't sell yourself short, sichengie

 **perfect angel** : i'm not saying i'm not smart,  i'm just saying i usually don't care enough to notice

 **halfmoon** : oh dang ok

 **yutasenpai** :

**fullsun** : is this where i get my meme making skills from??

 **fullsun** : am i adopted???

 **john-claude van damme** : no.

 **yutasenpai** : son?

 **john-claude van damme** : NO.

 **fullsun** : father??

 **john-claude van damme** : NO!!!

 ***red flavor sfx*** : lol

 

 

 

**2:38 PM**

 

**Millenium Babies**

 

 

 **Jenofer** **Lopez** : chenle wants  to know if we can create a group chat with us and him to talk about xuxi

 **Haytch** : ummmm

 **Injoonie** : feel free to say no, you don't have to do it just so he doesn't feel left out

 **Haytch** : ghskakjf it's not that it's just,,,,

 **Haytch** : ugh okay there has to be a point when we plateau and it's not a big deal every time we do something together

 **Jae Walker** : wdym

 **Haytch** : like,,,, we talk and get excited abt every little thing

 **Haytch** : believe me, i'm so happy i could explode!! but

 **Haytch** : if we focus on a tiny bit of progress it stops feeling like real progress

 **Haytch** : and it starts feeling like i'm only doing things to tell the gc and not just telling the gc when i do things

 **Haytch** : does that make sense?

 **Injoonie** : yeah, i get you

 **Haytch** : but also?? it could be useful so... fine

 **Jae Walker** : what?

 

 

 

 **2:53 PM**  

 

 **leehaechan** added **hot body** , **bugatti** , **maserati** , and **work bitch** to the chat

 **leehaechan**  changed the group name to **updates hoo ha ha**

 **leehaechan** changed their nickname to **britney**

 

 

 **britney** : rule #1: no one can ask me for updates, i will volunteer information if i want to talk abt it

 **britney** : rule #2: you can ask questions if i give an update but i can also refuse to answer

 **britney** : rule #3:

**maserati** : yay!! ok

 **bugatti** : why?

 **britney** : bc i just have one (1) thing i wanna tell you

 **hot body** : and that is??

 **britney** : i'm,,,,, sharing a room with xuxi

 **hot body** : what??

 **bugat** **ti** : why?

 **maserati** : how?

 **work bitch** : when?

 **britney** : you were at the meeting so you know the deal

 **britney** : and i was just gonna stay in jungwoo's room bc he's the one least likely to get mad at me for touching his stuff

 **britney** : but like,,, xuxi wants us to stay in the same room

 **work bitch** : ur gonna die

 **britney** : i know!!!

 **maserati** : this is peak romcom goings-on

 **britney** : i know!!!

 **maserati** : if only there was just one bed...

 **britney** : ghsjfjskk i would literally just. drop. dead.

 **britney** : but yeah that's what i wanted to say

 **britney** : just giving you a head's up in case i get anxious

 **britney** : bc i'm already kinda nervous so i might need some reassurance

 **maserati** : oh?

 **maserati** : ik i'm new here or whatever but if you need to talk i'll be there

 **britney** : thanks chenle <3333

 **maserati** : <3333

 **bugatti** : all of us will be there

 **britney** : awww injoonie <333

 **bugatti** : <3

 **work bitch** : we believe in you hyuck

 **hot body** : good luck and you won't fuck it up <33

 **work bitch** : and get well soon <333

 **britney** : i feel loved in this chili's tonight :')

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ik its almost been a month but its still under so im counting that as a win
> 
> thank you for reading and i hope you enjoyed! <333
> 
> come be my friend if you wanna??  
> [tumblr](https://jmnth.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/jinkuhns) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jinkuhns)


	12. How to: Get Everyone to Stop Fighting (A Park Jisung Story)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here she is, the long awaited chapter 12, brought to you by the makers of lysol and mac computers
> 
> hopefully there aren't too many mistakes bc rn its very late and im very tired

 

 

 

 

**8:33 AM**

 

**1 man and a baby**

 

 **j-wooz** changed the group name to **2 lovers, 1 man, and a baby**

 

 **tentastic** : yuck that's so clunky change it

 

 **j-wooz** changed the group name to **just four great guys trying their best**

 

 **tentastic** : okay no

 

 **magic man** changed the group name to **four great guys trying**

 

 **tentastic** : don't you start.

 

 **united kingdom** changed the group name to **four great guys**

 

 **tentastic** : s t o p all of these suck u guys suck

 

 **j-wooz** changed the group name to **four guys**

 

 **tentastic** : fuck you we can keep that one

 **united kingdom** : so boiz.... looks like it's time for me to fling myself into the sun

 **united kingdom** : it's been real

 **tentastic** : oh god, what did you do now?

 **united kingdom** : no!! i didn't do anything!!

 **united kingdom** : i mean i guess i did but it's not that i'm bleh about, it's the immediate consequences of what i did

 **j-wooz** : and what did you did?

 **j-wooz** : ffs *do?

 **united kingdom** : i think i made haechan share a room with me?

 **magic man** : How do you make someone share a room with you?

 **united kingdom** : i basically gave him no other option??

 **j-wooz** : room with me if you want to live

 **tentastic** : dsfsksa

 **united kingdom** : no, okay i just got excited when he said he was gonna be staying here

 **j-wooz** : that's cute

 **united kingdom** : so i basically assumed he would just stay with me, but idk what if he didn't want to?

 **united kingdom** : i've been thinking about this all night

 **united kingdom** : wait why is it cute?

 **tentastic** : because ur just a cutie

 **tentastic** : and i really don't think anyone could ever force haechan to do something he didn't want to do

 **j-wooz** : he's pretty stubborn

 **united kingdom** : i just don't wanna make him uncomfortable before we're fully friends

 **magic man** : How are you not fully friends yet?

 **magic man** : You seemed pretty friendly yesterday.

 **united kingdom** : did we?

 **tentastic** : we all noticed ur little gigglefest don't think we didn't

 **united kingdom** : fhskskdks he's so funny!

 **united kingdom** : we were talking practically all day!

 **united kingdom** : well... texting

 **tentastic** : fellas...

 **tentastic** :

**j-wooz** : so ur not nervous around him anymore?

 **j-wooz** : you literally couldn't even hold a conversation like a week ago

 **united kingdom** : we've bonded over being sick together

 **united kingdom** : and he's uhhh,, affable??

 **united kingdom** : like he's easy to be around and talk to

 **tentastic** : ooh that's a good one

 **united kingdom** : he's also funny and sharp

 **j-wooz** : cutting edge

 **tentastic** : lol

 **united kingdom** : so he fills the awkward gaps in conversations if there are any

 **magic man** : I mean, it sounds to me like you guys are fully friends.

 **magic man** : What else would you be? Acquaintances?

 **j-wooz** : associates?

 **tentastic** : coworkers??

 **united kingdom** : we are friends!! just,,,

 **united kingdom** : idk it's like i can feel something is off but i just can't put my finger on it

 **united kingdom** : it's like ugh it's like,,,, emotions,,, sfssk,,, words,,,, it's like my brain,,, hhhh

 **magic man** : Ok, well, sucks to suck.

 **tentastic** : fjsjfssdsa kun

 **united kingdom** : uh rude

 **tentastic** : please don't act as if you're the most emotionally mature person on the face of the earth

 **tentastic** : e.g. 11 days ago

 **magic man** : You're one to talk.

 **magic man** : E.g. Also 11 days ago.

 **united kingdom** : no fighting!

 **j-wooz** : no fighting (shakira, shakira)

 **tentastic** : it's a friendly spat!! not every fight is life or death

 **magic man** : Oh, I was 100% ready to kill you.

 **tentastic** : ur not funny

 **j-wooz** : really? because you just said yesterday that he was

 **tentastic** : and if you go back and look, you'll see that i also said i would kill you if you said anything

 **tentastic** : so how do you want to die? firing squad? electric chair? arsenic?

 **j-wooz** : i'm partial to falling anvil..

 **magic man** : Hold on, rewind, command Z.

 **magic man** : ...You think I'm funny?

 **tentastic** : haha no u fckin nerd of course not

 **magic man** : Really? Because it sounds to me like you do. ;)

 **tentastic** : cocky kun is my least favorite kun >:[

 **magic man** :

**j-wooz** : this is amazing i'm so glad i'm alive to witness it

 **tentastic** : not for long.

 **j-wooz** : gotta go!!

 **united kingdom** : lowkey i was fishing for advice on how to deal with the situation so thanks for nothing

 **j-wooz** : ur welcome!

 **tentastic** : ur welcome

 **magic man** : You're welcome.

 **united kingdom** :

 

 

 

**8:57 AM**

 

**jungwoo, ten**

 

 

 **jungwoo** : ik you wanna murder me but first,,,, let me draw your attention to this:

 **jungwoo** : [2 images attached]

 

 

> **ten** : it feels effortless being with him

 

 

> **xuxi** : like he's easy to be around and talk to

**jungwoo** : cinematic almost-parallels

 **ten** : this is,,,, bespoke

 **ten** : i'll put a pause on ur murder

 **jungwoo** : thank god

 **ten** : but ur on thin fucking ice

 

 

 

**8:58 AM**

 

**yukhei, haechan**

 

 

 **yukhei** : you don't have to stay with me if you don't want to

 **haechan** : what?

 **haechan** : where are you?

 **yukhei** : the kitchen look i just want you to know it's your choice

 **yukhei** : if you feel more comfortable in someone else's room or if i snore then that's completely ok

 **haechan** : you do snore, but i'm not uncomfortable

 **yukhei** : wait, i do??

 **haechan** : has no one ever told you that?

 **yukhei** : no!!

 **yukhei** : i feel so betrayed..

 **yukhei** : so many sleepovers..

 **yukhei** : no one said anything...

 **haechan** :

**haechan** : but yeah it doesn't bother me

 **yukhei** : great! that's good

 **yukhei** : tubular, even!

 **haechan** : yeah, tubular

 **haechan** : wanna watch a movie?

 **yukhei** : sure!

 **yukhei** : i'll make popcorn

 **haechan** : it's 10 am..

 **yukhei** : it's 5 o'clock somewhere

 **haechan** : that is,,,, not about popcorn

 **yukhei** : i'm sick i can do whatever i want

 **haechan** : ok..

 

 

 

**9:13 AM**

 

**four guys**

 

 

 **united kingdom** : hahaha why the FUCK did i say that????

 **magic man** : I'm sorry, what?

 **united kingdom** : seriously???

 **magic man** : Am I missing something?

 **united kingdom** : tubular??

 **magic man** : I don't know what this means.

 **united kingdom** : just say tubular that's totally a thing that human beings in the 21st century say

 **united kingdom** : what the fuck dude??

 **united kingdom** : what the fuck.

 **magic man** : I feel like I should be asking you that question?

 **magic man** : Hello?

 

**9:24 AM**

 

 **magic man** : Ok..

 

 

 

**9:25 AM**

 

**kun, ten**

 

 

 **kun** : What does tubular mean?

 **ten** : it's like the 80s version of cool

 **kun** : Oh, okay. Thanks.

 **ten** : wait!!

 **ten** : you don't even care that xuxi used outdated slang?

 **kun** : Why would I care?

 **ten** : bc he only does that when he's flustered or nervous??

 **kun** : Are you really gonna start this again?

 **ten** : ummm i never stopped

 **ten** : you know i thrive off of other people's drama

 **kun** : I don't see any drama that you could be referring to.

 **ten** : hello??

 **ten** : "he's so funny"??

 **ten** : "he's easy to be around"???

 **ten** : "my brain emotions words whatever the fuck he said earlier"??????????

 **ten** : the drama is: two boys catch a cold...... and feelings

 **kun** : The real drama is: you're overly invested in everyone else's feelings but ignoring your own

 **ten** : nooooooo

 **kun** : Yeeeeeessss.

 **ten** : how dare you try to turn this around on me.

 **kun** : I'm just saying...

 **kun** : Addressing the fact that you're still angry with Jaemin having a conversation about it is the logical next step..

 **ten** : you know what i lied when i said my least favorite kun was cocky kun

 **ten** : it's actually part-time therapist kun

 **kun** : In last week's episode we learned how to properly communicate with each other.

 **kun** : Holding onto this grudge instead of just telling Jaemin how you feel is ruining all of your character development.

 **ten:** why does this happen to me??

 **ten** : i'm a good-ish person i probably don't deserve this

 **kun** : Probably..

 **ten** : fine, okay. you've convinced me

 **kun** : Wow, my power.

 **ten** : ...don't ever do that again

 **kun** : Yep, good call. It felt really weird.

 

 

 

**9:51 AM**

 

**four guys**

 

 

 **united kingdom** : ECVWRYONE STKOO WHAF UR DOINF ANFD PSY ATTRNRIO NTO ME

 **j-wooz** : ....i think i understand what this says??

 **united kingdom** : HAECJAM DFSKSAL

 **united kingdom** : HE-

 **united kingdom** : 

**kun** : Use real words.

 **united kingdom** : haercjan fsjsdkfkll

 **j-wooz** : take your time

 **united kingdom** : haechwn is slejskakdk

 **j-wooz** : you can do it

 **united kingdom** : slwepinf

 **united kingdom** : on mu shiudler!!

 **j-wooz** : wow, congratulations!

 **j-wooz** : this must be a big moment for you

 **united kingdom** : fdaksaa yea

 **united kingdom** : honestly like top 10

 **tentastic** : so, huang xuxi, the famous lee haechan has just fallen asleep on your shoulder. how do you feel?

 **tentastic** :

**united kingdom** : uh, well, i'm just excited to be here really. i've been a big fan for years so this is a real honor

 **united kingdom** : hopefully, we will be able to work this closely again in the future

 **united kingdom** :

**j-wooz** : how long do you think you'll last before you Gotta Move

 **tentastic** : yeah ur a fidgety boy

 **united kingdom** : i do have self control..

 **kun** : One time I told you to stop bouncing your leg, and you almost passed out from trying to hold it in.

 **united kingdom** : this is different, i like haechan more than you

 **kun** : I will get myself sick just to be there, dressed in all black, holding a knife, and standing ominously at the edge of your field of vision.

 **united kingdom** : oops, dropped call!!

 **kun** : That's what I thought.

 **j-wooz** : you and ten are so powerful together

 

 

 

**10:06 AM**

 

**kun, ten**

 

 

 **ten** : so...... anything you'd like to say to me?

 **kun** : No?

 **ten** : you being this willfully oblivious is homophobic

 **kun** : I guess, if I squint a little and turn my head to the side and fully close one eye.... I can maybe kind of see what you're talking about.

 **ten** : please repeat after me: ten, light of my life, my homie, lover, and friend,,,,, u were right

 **kun** : I guess... you were right...

 **ten** : great! now that we're all on the same page let's discuss this over ice cream

 **kun** : Ice cream?

 **ten** : our 1st official meddle meeting!

 **ten** : and we need to bring jungwoo

 **kun** : When has meddling ever been a good idea?

 **ten** : all the time! where would the world be if people didn't meddle? 

 **kun** : I don't even know how to answer that.

 **ten** : spectacular! so i'm right and let's go!

 **kun** :

 

 

 

**1:15 PM**

 

**dream is a fixed unit in my heart**

 

 

 **cool hand lucas** : howdy, y'all

 **musicstarchenle** : howdy!!

 **cool hand lucas** : how is everyone doing today?

 **jaem** : we're doing great

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : nice shirt!

 **cool hand lucas** : ???

 **MoominLoveBot** : ignore jeno

 **jaem** : we usually do

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : :(

 **MoominLoveBot** : i didn't say make him sad

 **jaem** : ok i obviously was being sarcastic

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : you really hurt me :'(((

 **MoominLoveBot** : apologize to him

 **musicstarchenle** : fdjfjsjsa

 **jaem** : really?

 **MoominLoveBot** : really.

 **jaem** : my dearest jeno, i deeply apologize for hurting you. please forgive me.

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : okay!!

 **jaem** : jsyk you guys suck

 **MoominLoveBot** : wow, unboy-ed

 **jaem** : wait typo i meant you guys are such great friends

 **godjisung** : that's a big typo

 **cool hand lucas** : so who's gonna ask me how i'm doing today?

 **musicstarchenle** : how are you xuxi?

 **MoominLoveBot** : did you even care how we were? or did you only ask us so that we would reciprocate?

 **cool hand lucas** : wow, thanks so much for asking, chenle!

 **cool hand lucas** : i'm doin prettay.... prettay gud

 **cool hand lucas** : other than the uhhh fever and runny nose and sore throat...

 **godjisung** : are you bored off your nut yet?

 **jaem** : off your nut????

 **cool hand lucas** : yes oh my god

 **cool hand lucas** : haechan has been sleeping on my arm for 3 hours and i cant reach the remote

 **cool hand lucas** : this is the first time i've watched the entire end credits of a movie

 **MoominLoveBot** : wait, he fell asleep on you??

 **jaem** : is he drooling?

 **jaem** : please tell me he's drooling

 **cool hand lucas** : he's not

 **cool hand lucas** : at least i don't think he is

 **jaem** : that's disappointing

 **godjisung** : just push him off

 **cool hand lucas** : i don't wanna be rude!!

 **godjisung** : he was rude for falling asleep on you

 **musicstarchenle** : indiana jones him

 **cool hand lucas** : what?

 **MoominLoveBot** : um??

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : oh yeah

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : replace your arm with a pillow

 **jaem** : how would that even work?

 **cool hand lucas** : i can't reach a pillow

 **musicstarchenle** : then 127 hours it

 **cool hand lucas** : ??

 **musicstarchenle** : cut off your arm

 **cool hand lucas** : stop making movie references i don't get

 **musicstarchenle** : start getting my references!

 **cool hand lucas** : i don't need this, i can probably reach the remote with my foot

 **godjisung** : it's times like these when i really wish we had security cameras installed in the dorms

 **cool hand lucas** : muscle spasm!!

 **cool hand lucas** : i kicked it across the room :(

 **godjisung** : ..... it's times like these-

 **cool hand lucas** : what can i do??

 **cool hand lucas** : i'm so bored

 **cool hand lucas** : someone help me :(((

 **MoominLoveBot** : oh my god just screenshare netflix with the tv

 **cool hand lucas** : What.

 **jaem** : i wanna laugh at you but i didn't even think about that

 **cool hand lucas** : renjun you just saved my life

 **MoominLoveBot** : please calm down

 **cool hand lucas** : because of you i can live

 **cool hand lucas** : because of you the sun will shine on my beautiful face again

 **cool hand lucas** : you've given me a purpose

 **cool hand lucas** : you've helped me find my way in this cruel, cruel world

 **cool hand lucas** : oop i woke haechan up

 **MoominLoveBot** : you got too into your speech and tried to do hand motions didn't you?

 **cool hand lucas** : yeah :(

 **cool hand lucas** : he grumpy

 **MoominLoveBot** : that's why we try not to let him take naps

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : and because naps aren't good for you

 **MoominLoveBot** : um.... okay?

 **MoominLoveBot** : moving on..

 **jaem** : no, let's unpack this

 **jaem** : jeno, why aren't naps good for you?

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : it messes up your sleep cycle and makes it even harder to sleep at night

 **cool hand lucas** : plus aren't you supposed to sleep in two 4 hour shifts instead of an 8 hour block?

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : idk abt that.....

 **godjisung** : what????

 **musicstarchenle** : i actually feel like i've heard that..

 **MoominLoveBot** : that cannot be true

 **ahyuck** : i hate to say this but i agree with chenle and xuxi

 **musicstarchenle** : rude

 **cool hand lucas** : hey!

 **jaem** : this is where dream ends

 **jaem** : we have to move our adult rooftop fight up bc i'm gonna kick all ur asses rn

 **godjisung** : this is a separate fight, a prequel fight

 **godjisung** : we fight until we're exhausted and agree to settle this some other time

 **godjisung** : then for the real fight we take it to the roof only it's been so long that we've forgotten what we started fighting for

 **godjisung** : and we're all beating each other up for no reason, so i say "hey, why are we fighting, aren't we all just men in suits?"

 **godjisung** : then chenle says "good point, jisung, you're so smart"

 **musicstarchenle** : i would never say that

 **godjisung** : then we all hug and go do our taxes

 **JenoFromTheBlock** : this kinda worked bc i already forgot what we were arguing about

 

 

 

**1:37 PM**

 

**haechan, yukhei**

 

 

 **haechan** : sorry for falling asleep on you

 **haechan** : being sick takes a lot out of you

 **haechan** : it's also gross everything is gross i feel like a bag of garbage

 **haechan** : why don't you feel this way?

 **yukhei** : it's the orange juice

 **haechan** : it's not the fucking orange juice

 **yukhei** : you could be dehydrated? are you drinking enough water?

 **haechan** : how much is enough?

 **yukhei** : well how much are you drinking?

 **haechan** : i'd say i've had about... none water today

 **yukhei** : none??

 **yukhei** : brb

 **haechan** : please don't run while i'm sick

 **haechan** : it makes me dizzy

 **haechan** : you know... i also haven't had any soup today :((

 **yukhei** : i know what you're doing but i'll make you some anyway

 

 

 

**1:43 PM**

 

**ncity #6**

 

 

 **taeilasoldastime** : how are the two sickos doing?

 **full son** : hurtful

 **taeilasoldastime** : sorry how are the two virus incubators doing?

 **full son** : thank you, that's much better

 **full son** : and we're fine

 **full son** : xuxi is... attempting to make some soup and i'm perfectly hydrated

 **wingwing** : good for you?

 **sushi** : umm xuxi is succeeding at making some soup

 **full son** : that remains to be seen..

 **JohnnyBGood** : do you feel better or worse than yesterday?

 **full son** : i guess i would say better??

 **full son** : but like,, 3% better

 **JohnnyBGood** : 3% better is still better

 **sushi** : i feel about the same

 **full son** : it's because of the orange juice

 **sushi** : hey i'm making you soup

 **full son** : ur right, i take it back

 **full son** : thank you <3

 

 

 

**1:56 PM**

 

**four guys**

 

 

 **united kingdom** : DSKAFKDSLS??

 **united kingdom** : I ALMST DEOOPEED NY PHONE INS A POTOD BBOIKINF CHIFIEBC BRITH

 **tentastic** : what even is that last part supposed to say?

 **j-wooz** : i'm gonna go with "pot of boiling chicken broth"??

 **united kingdom** : CPRRECT

 **j-wooz** :

**magic man** : Did you drop it for any particular reason? Or did it just slip?

 **united kingdom** : did you see the heart??? that's friendship babey

 **magic man** : Maybe I pretended not to notice to save myself. Already, I'm in so much pain.

 **tentastic** : we've been dealing with this for weeks

 **tentastic** : now we all can suffer together

 **united kingdom** : what in the goddamn hell are you talking about?

 **tentastic** : nothing get back to your soup

 

 

 

**1:58 PM**

 

**ncity #6**

 

 

 **full son** : so, everyone else:

 **full son** : in my solitude, i've been thinking

 **sushi** : solitude??

 **full son** : shhh it's to add intrigue, you're great company

 **full son** : so i've been thinking and

 **full son** : this isn't gonna work

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : what isn't gonna work?

 **full son** : this whole isolation thing

 **full son** : what's to stop me from coughing on this entire dorm?

 **JenOhNo** : being a decent person?

 **full son** : good point

 **full son** : but like,, our germs are already all over the place

 **full son** : how do you prevent them from getting the others sick once they move back in?

 **Jeffrey Jefferson III** : lysol bomb, it's like a bug bomb but for germs

 **taeilasoldastime** : #notsponsored

 **NiNaNa** : #notathing

 **teethboi** : wow okay i'm calling mr. lysol right now

 **tyongie** : jaehyun is kind of right, we would do some cleaning

 **tyongie** : and i don't think the germs are contagious outside of your body longer than they are inside

 **sushi** : the germs will expire?

 **full son** : oh yeah, this can of germs i found in the pantry says best if used by 06/23/18

 **taeilasoldastime** : i usually put my germs in the freezer so they last longer

 **full son** : wow, team same joke, different delivery

 **taeilasoldastime** :

**JohnnyBGood** : i gotta say, now that haechan's sick i kinda miss pretending to hate his hugs

 **wingwing** : it's been less than 24 hours

 **full son** : pretending????

 **full son** : outrageous that you would say this when i can't do anything about it

 **ten-der love** : just so you don't get any ideas: the views reflected in johnny's text are not endorsed by the rest of us

 **full son** : i don't believe you, my love is a hot commodity

 **Run Junie Run** : you keep telling yourself that

 **full son** : [target acquired]

 **full son** : see you in..... how long are we contagious for? 

 **tyongie** : on the line it says 5-7 days

 **full son** : that's so long i thought it would be like,,, 3

 **full son** : i can't hug anyone for a week?? that's draining

 **full son** : i run on love, you know

 **full son** : wait-

 

 

 

**2:12 PM**

 

**haechan, yukhei**

 

 

 **haechan** : since you're making me soup...

 **haechan** : and you're here...

 **haechan** : can i give you a hug?

 **yukhei** : i wouldn't be opposed to it..

 

 

 

**2:15 PM**

 

**ncity #6**

 

 

 **full son** : energy restored

 

 

 

**2:15 PM**

 

**four boys**

 

 

 **united kingdom** : peak friendship is when he hugs you for the first time :'-)

 **j-wooz** : idk how to say this without hurting you but that's like bare minimum friendship

 **united kingdom** : Do Not Take This From Me.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ten kun and jungwoo are just perpetually banging their heads against the wall.. xuxi,,, get a grip
> 
> uhh thank you for reading, i hope you enjoyed it!!
> 
> [tumblr](https://jmnth.tumblr.com) | [twitter](https://twitter.com/jinkuhns) | [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/jinkuhns)


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